Have you recently felt like you are rushing your life and relationships? Well, you might be in an autopilot relationship.
In the age of social media and daily “routines”, do we really live our relationships?
It’s 6:30 AM and the alarm goes off. Although you love being surrounded by the warm comfort of your blankets, all you have to do today is drenching your body, making you jump out of bed.
Autopilot started.
You start moving through your day as if you were speeding on a highway, you drive as if you were hypnotized, and you move from one thing to the next. You can drop the kids to school, go to work, attend meetings, overcome conflict with a co-worker, pick the kids up from school, run to soccer practice, come home to make dinner, help the kids with homework, feed the dog, and clean up. Kitchen, listen to half of what your husband tells you about their day, and put the kids to bed.
You stop for a brief moment and collapse back into your bed, only to start all over again at 6:30 the next morning. You can feel the anger and resentment bubbling to the surface.
This is your life on autopilot:
half awake,
frustrated,
You are separated from yourself and those around you.
Of course, you need to “be there” and you want to be there for your kids, your wife, and your co-workers, but your inner voice can’t help but scream, “There’s got to be a better way!”
How do you get off autopilot so you can really live?
It all starts with shifting your focus. The key is to be aware of your feelings, habits, patterns, and general “business” so that you can learn to discreetly step out of yourself the moment you notice yourself engaging in habitual autopilot behavior.
Here are three strategies for disengaging from autopilot and living a mindful life:
- Tune in to your body.
The first step to waking life is tuning in to how you feel.
Absorb and be aware of what your body is sensing.
For example, when you take a shower, focus on the feeling of the water as it runs down your back. When you’re drinking coffee, tea, or juice in the morning, take a moment to enjoy each sip instead of gulping it down. Pause throughout the day, and really focus on how you feel when you’re interacting with your friends, coworkers, and loved ones.
Beware of bids for emotional connection and go for it. The point here is to be aware of what you feel, hear, see, and smell. Be aware of every sensation, and pay close attention to any faint whispers of “gut instinct.”
As you begin to get in tune with your body, you will begin to identify when autopilot takes over. From this space, you can choose what you want to focus on for yourself and within your relationships.
- Define and set your intention.
Focus on your relationship with your partner, take a moment to fit in what you want.
What is your intention when you are with them?
Your intention may be to listen more deeply, to let go of blame and criticism, or simply to be more honest, vulnerable, or present.
Whatever your intention, take a few minutes at the beginning of each day to think about your desired outcome.
With kindness and self-compassion, take responsibility and release what is holding you back from fully participating. Without judgment, consider what is happening.
For example, if your intention is to deepen your sense of connection with your spouse, start by sensing the situation between the two of you.
- Have a daily ritual to connect with your partner.
With this new focus on your feelings and intentions, identify one daily activity or routine with your partner where you would like to be more alert, attentive, and involved.
For example, have a stress reduction conversation where you only talk about the stress outside of your relationship. Actively listen and pay close attention to what your partner is saying. Whatever your daily routine or activity, commit to giving him your undivided attention and focus. Ask yourself, “What really matters here?”
Stumbling happens on autopilot for the fittest of relationships, so be patient and stay focused on your desired outcome. In addition to these three steps, disengaging from autopilot and leading a mindful life also includes mindful compassion for yourself and others, practicing forgiveness, and living with an open heart.
Turning off autopilot allows you to see life from a new perspective and allows you to make different, more conscious decisions.
As you begin to make choices in this waking state, you will notice that your actions naturally begin to align and become more consistent with your desired outcomes—in your relationship and in your life.
Learning to connect from a place of deep presence will enable you to hear what your heart is saying, ultimately enabling you to respond rather than fight back.
Engage in these three strategies to make more appropriate decisions.
