In real life, is there an unfollow button for people, especially parents? If you are not in touch with your parents, here are 8 tips that can help you make your decision.
The hardest thing you will ever do is close the door on your past. It will also be the most empowering.
You can’t wake up one day and decide to cut your mother or father out of your life, but rather it’s a decision that comes after years of trying everything to maintain the relationship.
But something finally explodes inside you – you see that the cost of this connection is too high, and perhaps for the first time in your life, you choose yourself.
Related: Fake friends: 5 things they do and what you can do about it
#What does “no contact with parents” mean?
Before anything else, let me get this straight. “No Contact” is not just a silent treatment. Staying silent is abusive, and is done to control people as punishment by the narcissist. They use this tactic to hurt others and show that their feelings are invalid.
Many reasons can lead to someone not communicating with their parents, but usually, it’s because their dysfunctional behavior is asking too much of them. Mentally, emotionally, physically – you can’t pay that price anymore.
Society harshly judges those who stay away from their family members. If you’re on your first date, for example, and you say you don’t talk to your family members, that will be seen as a big red flag (and to some extent – it can be).
But things need context, and there’s certainly no room for such interpretation during small talk on a first date.
#So, here are 8 tips to not call your toxic parents
1. Set your limits and learn to stick to them
Mention triggers or signs that there is a problem and respectfully ask them to be attentive when they appear in conversation with each other – if they refuse or if the problem starts to arise anyway despite your request, disengage immediately and leave the conversation.
Be firm – and do not allow any attempts to get drawn back into these arguments with them.
2. Stop trying to please them
You don’t need their approval or happiness; You need your own to move forward. Do what makes you happy, not what you think will make you happy.
3. Do not engage in arguments
Arguing or reasoning with a toxic parent is like beating a dead horse. He’d been beaten so many times that there was no momentum left in him – and he wasn’t going anywhere anymore.
They are the way they are and they are set in their way, no matter how good your points are, they won’t change their minds about much.
This can be very stressful for most people – when you argue with a narcissist, at the end of the argument you usually feel worse than before (and not just because you didn’t “win” the argument).
4. Protect yourself from them
Your toxic mother or father will not change overnight because they are toxic, and they may blame you for everything, but you need to limit the extent of their influence on your life and emotions.
If the abuse continues despite your best efforts to avoid arguments and keep conversations civil and respectful by setting boundaries – it may be time to break off the relationship.
5. Get rid of the guilt
Not communicating with parents is a big decision. Doubts and guilt will always follow. But sometimes that’s just the way life goes. You have to prioritize your health and well-being above all else.
It is never your responsibility to fix or tolerate a harmful dynamic. So don’t feel guilty for taking this step towards healing yourself.
6. Seek therapy if necessary – it will help
One good tip for no contact with parents is that a therapist can help you discover these thoughts and offer solutions to help you maneuver around them. This will allow you to get through your day without these thoughts constantly getting in your way.
Therapy is essential to maintaining or improving your relationship, but don’t expect too much of it either.
7. You don’t need to change; They do
Only they can make a difference, and you can suggest treatment, but you have to accept that there is only so much you can do.
9. Take charge and control
You are the captain of your emotions when it comes to your relationship with your parents, now and in the future.
You can choose to be there during the holidays or not, and you can choose whether or not you want to be there for your parents when they need you.
No matter who is causing harm to you — just know that they do not love you. You must advocate for yourself because no one else will.
Related:
Share your thoughts on the tips for going no contact with parents who hurt your well-being.
