It’s time to stop blaming your parents for the problems in your life. Being an adult means taking responsibility for your decisions as an adult, and yes, responsibility for your dysfunctions as well.
While there may be times when your mother and father let you down, at some point, you have to stop blaming your parents and move on. Like everyone else, I had an imperfect family when I was growing up, and it was such an imperfect family that the abuse I experienced was never fully confronted and dealt with. Maybe I should be angry about that, but I seem to get angry at them for other reasons. The truth is, blaming your parents can only go so far.
If you cling to blaming some of the dysfunctional ways your parents raised you, you won’t be able to fully grow into an adult. In the process, you allow your parents to have a certain power over your future. As long as there is intolerance, there will be a desire to shirk responsibilities. You see, everything that happens to you as an adult, you can simply blame on what happened in childhood. This is never a healthy idea.
How to stop blaming your parents?
You know, we can tell stories about our past and the roles our parents played there. We can do this all day long. What we shouldn’t do is hold on to that grudge and let it destroy us. In order to make the best decisions in this area, we have to learn how to handle blame. There are some real ways to do this.
- Acknowledge blame
Parents make many mistakes, and unfortunately, some do intentional things that hurt their children. These children often grow up to have problems associated with these childhood dysfunctions. However, if you are an adult with internal problems, you may be looking for someone to blame. Could it be that you have already found these people, your parents?
Let’s say you don’t realize the full extent of how much you blame your parents, and this happens to a lot of people. Well, you have to acknowledge it in order to put the pieces together – the pieces are the link between now and then. Do you blame your parents for your problems? Find out before you can move on.
- Admit all the blame
No, the record player in my head isn’t broken, and yes, I did tell you to take the blame. this is different. If you’re going to blame your parents for the bad things that happened, blame them for the good things they left in you.
So, maybe, instead of sorting out the good and the bad, acknowledging all that blame and sorting it out, you could just let it all go instead. No, it’s not easy, but it’s necessary. When you start putting in all this work, you’ll understand why it’s important to move forward. I dare say that all parents have good and bad sides, and it would be good to remember that.
- Leave the past alone
The second thing you can do is practice closing the door on the past. Yes, there are some great memories from the past years. In fact, there are loved ones who have passed away, and you might like to think about them and smile. The thing is, living too long in the past with this bitterness and blame will allow the past and all the culprits to enslave you.
You will find yourself trapped in a time that no longer exists, and everything you do will be compared with the negativity of that time. So, when you find yourself thinking about how your parents let you down, close that door. You are an adult, and you have to decide to make things better for yourself.
- Embrace forgiveness
Have you ever heard people say that forgiveness is not for your abuser, but for your growth? Well, it was something like that, and I think you get the idea. This statement is true.
So, instead of blaming your parents for any role they played in your childhood or adult pain, decide to forgive them. No matter what happened, forgiveness is the key to getting out the hooks that are holding you back, you see. Yes, admit what they did, but stop blaming your parents for your problems now. This is the hard truth, but it will help you too.
- Start breaking those curses
Dysfunctional families are full of what I often call “generational curses.” No, I’m not literally talking about a curse that befell a family by an evil person. Let’s leave that to the movies. Generational curses are somewhat negative personality traits that are passed down from generation to generation.
If your parents hurt you, you need to make sure that you do not repeat the same pattern with your children. To stop blaming your parents, you can simply stop the abuse, neglect, or anything you did in your past, right at your doorstep. Don’t let it go any further. Instead, create a brighter future for your offspring. Yes, focus on that instead.
- Focus on healing
It’s easy to blame someone when you know they really hurt you. But continuing to focus on the blame and not the solution robs you of the healing you need to have a better life. This advice is not for your children or their future, this advice is for you.
To reduce the negative power your parents may have over you, focus on being kind to yourself, working on improving yourself, and appreciating all of your good qualities. Nothing they did to you should have the power to ruin your life. You are the pilot now.
Stop blaming your parents and cut toxic ties with your past
I’m not necessarily asking you to cut ties with your parents, it’s not about that. I’m saying it’s important to get rid of any toxic influence it may have on your life. Everything you hold on to from the past must be released. As an adult, you have authority over your own life, not your mother or father.
