Relationship after relationship has ended in bad breakups.
You always seem to get into arguments with your friends and family, even with new people you meet.
When you feel like there’s no one left in the world who’s worthy, the problem may not be with everyone else. It may just be you.
It’s not easy to accept.
But admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it, as they say.
So acknowledging your toxic behavior will help you grow as a person.
Once you do, you’ll be on your way to improving yourself.
Here are 12 things you can start doing to help you get started.
- Be more considerate of others
Most toxic people don’t realize that they’re behaving badly.
They think that what’s normal and natural for them is also normal and natural for others — but that’s not true.
What people find hurtful varies, which is why being considerate of others is so important for maintaining good relationships and avoiding toxicity.
Someone has probably pulled you aside before and told you they didn’t appreciate what you said.
Now, before you say something that might hurt others, try to put yourself in your friends’ shoes.
Ask yourself: How would they feel if I said this?
- Stop blaming others
It’s natural to feel uncomfortable when you make a mistake and angry people are looking for who did it.
No one wants to be in the hot seat. But you also need to understand that we are all human.
One of the hallmarks of being human is being imperfect.
You may have blamed someone before because you didn’t want to look bad.
You justified it to yourself by saying that you only acted that way because someone else was worried and you were affected by their worry.
In any case, not taking responsibility for your actions will only spread the toxicity further.
- Learn How to Apologize Properly
One of the most important things one should learn is how to apologize properly.
Sometimes just saying “sorry” isn’t enough.
Sure, you may say you mean it when you say “sorry,” but if you continue with your old ways, that apology can be as valuable as using a water gun to put out a fire.
A true apology should be sincere and should also come with an acknowledgment of your actions.
Acknowledge your mistakes and try to avoid repeating them. The best apology is a behavior change.
- Don’t be too quick to judge others
People aren’t “weird”; you’re just judging them too quickly.
Over-judging is one of the most common traits of toxic people.
If someone is behaving in a way that you’re not used to, it may not be because they’re “weird,” but because of the way they were raised.
Quickly judging them and telling your friends about it will only spread negativity and hate.
Instead of rushing to call them names, try to get to know them first.
They may surprise you with how “normal” they are.
- Follow through on what you say you’re going to do
Not following through on what they say they’re going to do is a common toxic trait.
The more you say and the less you do, the less your words mean.
You keep telling people you’re going to start a business, volunteer somewhere, or travel the world—but you never change your ways.
Your words ring hollow and you end up lying to others and yourself.
Instead, you can ask yourself, what do you want to do?
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And what’s stopping you from doing it?
This may finally help you start following through.
- Stop trying to outdo others
When someone shares a painful story from their life, it’s not an invitation to interrupt them and share your own even more painful story.
Sure, you may have good intentions for doing this—you want to let them know you understand—interrupting them may just make them feel unimportant.
Toxic people often do this to use self-pity to shift the spotlight onto themselves.
Instead of saying, “You should consider yourself lucky when I had to go through something, it was much worse,” you can try not saying anything at all.
Don’t just wait for a response, try to listen.
You may even realize that they just needed to express their feelings more than have a conversation.
- Realize that it’s not your job to fix others
It’s true that when some people are going through tough times, they need help.
Just because someone shows that they need help doesn’t mean they need help from you.
Don’t take it personally.
But forcing your help on someone may not make them feel good, no matter how well-intentioned you are.
Try to stop advising people who don’t even ask for it.
They don’t ask for it for a reason: because they don’t need to hear it right now.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is be with them, even in silence.
Maybe they need space to be heard.
Forcing your help on them may just make them feel worse.
- Stop imposing your beliefs on others
When you’re passionate about your ideas, it’s easy to slip into the mindset that your ideas are the best and that your ideas are the “right” way to see things.
But people won’t blindly accept anything that others say. People have their own beliefs.
When you force your ideas on others, you may be subtly telling them that what they believe is wrong — which isn’t always true.
Instead of telling people that your idea is the best, try thinking of it as just a suggestion.
There’s also a good chance you could be wrong about your idea, too.
- listen to people
It’s so easy these days to pull out your phone and start scrolling through social media, even when you’re sitting across from someone else.
Holding your phone in your hand or on the table while talking to someone can signal that they’re not important to you; the phone is more important than them.
This can easily be interpreted as disrespectful and offensive.
When they’re talking, put your phone away—or better yet, put it in your pocket.
Give your full attention to the other person and let a natural connection emerge.
- Don’t expect others to do anything for you
You may complain and get angry that none of your friends have reached out to check in with you.
It seems like you feel like you deserve personal attention from others.
But the truth is, no one spends as much time thinking about you as you do.
You may call your friends fake and question your friendship, but they may just be busy trying to manage their own lives.
There’s nothing but your ego stopping you from reaching out to them first.
- Accept Your Fears
One reason people exhibit toxic behavior is because they want to hide their fears.
They blame someone else because they don’t want people to notice how clumsy or reckless they are.
Or they may just draw attention to themselves to find the validation they can’t find within themselves.
Accepting your fears is easier said than done.
But it’s an important step to take if you want to become less toxic as a person.
Learn to forgive yourself and accept your past for what it was: the past.
You have the opportunity now to be a better version of yourself.
- Tone Down Your Pride and Ego
Another reason people are so toxic is because they believe they deserve it.
Maybe they grew up in a wealthy family, so they think they should be given everything if they want it enough.
Or because they know someone famous, they deserve the same level of treatment.
Their heads expand and they become more disconnected from reality.
It will take time to lower your pride and ego.
It may mean staying calm in a meeting so that others can shine.
It may mean admitting your mistakes, no matter how small.
But showing humility will help you grow a lot in the long run.
- Become Less Toxic
Being toxic isn’t permanent. You can change.
Admitting that you are is a courageous step forward in improving your life.
But it doesn’t happen overnight.
Having a close friend by your side can help you along this journey.
You can ask them to alert you when your toxic side starts to show.
You can also talk to a professional if you need to.
While the results may not always be obvious, one day you will be able to look back and say how much better you have become.
All because you decided to start today.
