Relationship after relationship ended in a bad breakup.
You always seem to get into arguments with your friends and family, even with new people you meet.
When you feel like there is no decent person in this world anymore, the problem may not actually be anyone else. It might just be you.
It is not easy to accept.
But admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, as they say.
So acknowledging your toxic behavior will help you grow as a person.
Once you do, you are well on your way to improving yourself.
Here are 12 things you can start doing to help get you started.
- Be considerate of others
Most toxic people do not realize that they are toxic.
They think that what is normal and normal for them, is also normal and normal for others too – but that is not true.
What people find painful varies, which is why being considerate of others is so important to maintaining good relationships and avoiding toxicity.
Someone may have pulled you aside before and told you they didn’t appreciate what you said before.
Now, before you say something that might be hurtful to others, try to put yourself in the shoes of your friends.
Ask yourself: How would they feel if I said this?
- Stop passing blame
It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when you make a mess and have angry people looking out for whoever did it.
Nobody wants to be in the hot seat. But you also need to understand that we are all human.
One of the hallmarks of being human is imperfection.
Maybe before you blame something because you don’t want to look bad.
You rationalized it by saying that you only acted this way because someone else was anxious and you were influenced by their anxiety.
In any case, not being responsible for your actions will only add to the toxicity around you.
- Learn how to apologize properly
One of the most important things one must learn is how to apologize properly.
Just saying “sorry” isn’t enough sometimes.
Sure, you might say you mean it with every bone in your body when you say sorry, but if you continue with your old ways, that sorry might be just as valuable as using a water gun to put out a fire.
A real apology needs to be genuine and also needs an acknowledgment of your actions.
Admit your mistakes and try not to make them again. The best apology is a behavior change.
- Don’t be quick to judge others
People are not “weird”. You just judge them too quickly.
Overly judgmental is one of the most common traits of toxic people.
If someone behaves in a way that you’re not used to, it may not be because they are a “nerd,” but because of how they were raised.
Judging them quickly and telling your friends about it will only spread negativity and hate.
Instead of calling them quick names, try to get to know them first.
It might surprise you how “normal” they actually are.
- Follow through with what you say you will do
Not following through on what they say they are going to do is a common toxic trait.
The more you say and the less you actually do, the less your words mean.
You’re constantly telling people you’re going to start a business, volunteer somewhere, travel the world – but you never change your ways.
Your words become hollow and you end up lying to others and only to yourself.
Instead, you can ask yourself, What do you actually want to do?
And what prevents you from doing it?
This may finally help you start to follow through.
- Stop trying to single out others
When someone shares a painful story from their life, this is not an invitation to interrupt and share your most traumatic story.
Sure, you may have good intentions to do this—you want to let them know you understand—interrupting them might feel like a hero.
Toxic people often do this to use self-pity to put the spotlight on them.
Instead of saying, “You should consider yourself lucky that when you had to go through something, it was much worse,” you can try saying nothing at all.
Don’t just wait for a response, try to listen.
You may even realize that they just needed to express their feelings more than to have a conversation.
- Realize that it is not your job to fix others
It is true that when some people are going through hard times, they need help.
Just because someone shows they need help doesn’t mean they need help from you.
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Don’t take it personally.
But forcing your hand on someone may not make them feel good, no matter how well-intentioned you are.
Try to stop giving advice to people who don’t even ask for it.
They do not ask for a reason: for they do not need to hear it now.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is be there for them, even in silence.
Maybe they just needed space to be heard.
Forcing you to help them may only make them feel even worse.
- Stop imposing your beliefs on others
When you’re passionate about your ideas, it’s easy to slip into the mindset that your ideas are the best and your ideas are the “right” way to see things.
But people will not blindly accept what other people say. People have their own beliefs.
When she’s imposing on you, she may subtly tell them what they think is wrong — which isn’t always right.
Instead of telling people that your idea is the best idea, try to think of it as more of a suggestion.
There is also a high chance that you will be wrong about your idea as well.
- Actually listen to people
It’s so easy nowadays to pull out a phone and start scrolling through social networks, even when you’re sitting across from another human being.
Having your phone in your hand or on the table while talking to someone may indicate that they are not important to you; The phone is the most important of them.
It can easily be read as disrespectful and toxic.
When they’re talking, put your phone down — or better yet, put it in your pocket.
Give your full attention to the other person and make a natural connection appear.
- Don’t wait for others to do something for you
You may be whiny and angry that none of your friends called to check on you.
It is as if you feel entitled to personal care from others.
But the truth is, no one spends as much time thinking about you as yourself.
You may call your friends fake and question your friendship, but in reality they may be busy trying to manage their own lives.
There is nothing but your ego preventing you from reaching them first.
- Accept your fears
One reason for toxic people’s behavior is their desire to hide their fears.
They blame someone else because they don’t want people to notice how clumsy or reckless they are.
Alternatively, it may draw attention to them only to find validation that they cannot find within themselves.
Accepting your fears is much easier said than done.
But it is an important step to take if you want to become less toxic as a person.
Learn to forgive yourself and accept your past as it was: the past.
You now have the opportunity to be a better version of yourself.
- Lower your pride and ego
Another reason people are so toxic is because they think they have a right to be.
They may have been brought up in a wealthy family so they believe that everything should be given to them if they want it enough.
Or since they know someone famous, they are entitled to the same level of treatment.
Their head widens and they become more detached from reality.
It will take some time to lower your pride and ego.
It may mean having to remain silent in the meeting so that others can shine. I
t may mean admitting your mistakes, no matter how small.
But showing humility will help you grow more in the long run.
- You become less toxic
Being toxic isn’t permanent. You can change.
Recognizing that you are indeed a brave step forward in improving your life.
But this did not happen overnight.
Having a close friend by your side can help you on this journey.
You can tell them to call you when the toxic side starts to show.
You can also speak to a professional if you really need to.
While the results may not always be obvious, someday you will be able to look back and say how much you have improved.
All because you decided to start today.
