Conflict in life is normal, but if you’re constantly having problems in most of your relationships, you’re probably the problem.
Before you start tripping, let’s look beyond your ego, because this could be a serious problem. If you’re exhibiting basic narcissistic behaviors, that’s a problem, and your relationships will likely be affected by it.
On the surface, being a narcissist means that you have an inflated sense of your importance, a deep (almost urgent) need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of overconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
So, why should you care? After all, narcissists lack empathy, right?
This behavior (and mindset) is ruining your life in so many areas — from personal relationships to happiness (or, more likely, lack thereof) at work to how good of a parent you are. This can create chaos in your financial affairs.
Related: Vulturing: Beware Of This Latest Toxic Dating Trend!
The good news is that you can do something to change. Most narcissists don’t mean to act this way. At their core, they are good people.
Narcissism can appear as a learned coping mechanism for feelings of shame, insecurity, and weakness.
The causes of BPD are still uncertain, but BPD can result from Childhood trauma such as physical and verbal abuse, as well as early interactions with parents, friends, and relatives. In addition, genetic factors, family history, and increased sensitivity to tissues, noise, or light during childhood may contribute to its development. Personality and temperament also play a role in the emergence of narcissistic personality disorder.
Parenting styles that create fragile egos in children or parenting that uses excessive praise, which can include the belief that the child has special abilities, are also possible factors in the development of BPD.
The family environment seems to contribute greatly to the development of BPD, so now that you’re an adult, you may either expect everyone to kiss your ass or you may treat others the same way your parents treat you. Either way, your approach to getting your needs met alienates people.
#How to stop being a narcissist
Be brave enough to ask for insight into yourself and your behaviors.
Talk to three people who have known you for more than four years, and ask them whether your behavior reflects “yes” to these 11 questions:
#Do you consider me a proud person?
Do you think I insist on getting the best in everything?
If others don’t give me the attention or appreciation I feel I deserve, does it feel like I’m feeling insulted?
Do I seem to get easily upset or offended when people disagree with me?
Am I often critical of the ways others do things?
Do you think I think most people are stupid?
When someone hurts me, does “getting out” of it (or getting revenge in some way) seem to make me feel better?
Does it seem like I’m sick and tired of being the only person in the room who gets it?
Do I seem to find life more frustrating than fun?
Does it seem like I have a pattern where many of my relationships crash and burn?
When I take on a project, do I end up either doing most of the work or working myself?
If they answer “yes” to five or more of these questions, your personality may be somewhat abusive and people may consider you a narcissist.
Instead of responding or trying to explain to them why you are engaging in these behaviors, be brave enough to hear their honest answers and allow the information to flow to you.
Humbling yourself in front of three people and seeking a new perspective on how others perceive you is already a big step in the right direction.
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Find support.
If you realize that you are truly behaving like a narcissist and want to give up this behavior, good for you. But wanting it and achieving it are two different things.
Seeking support from a psychologist or even a psychiatrist is a good idea. The key to controlling narcissistic behavior is understanding what led to that behavior and what triggers narcissistic defensive reactions.
Yes, I know “being you” is a challenge. It hurts when friends, co-workers, or family members “call” you a narcissist and then tell everyone about it. Usually, you are the last to know that there is a problem or that you are being viewed negatively.
The last thing you (or anyone) wants is to seem like they know it all or to be seen as an arrogant, arrogant person by your friends, family, and co-workers. Make no mistake – they will tell everyone about you.
This is especially true if you are in a supervisory position in your job, if you play a leadership role in an organization, or if you are a leader in a social organization.
When people think you are a narcissist, they may do one of the following things:
- Setting yourself up for failure.
- He refused to support you.
- Talking about you behind your back.
- Avoid contact (and conflict) with you.
- Encourage others to stay clear of you.
In the end, you may feel bitter, embarrassed, and resentful, which does nothing but give you a reason to continue the narcissistic behavior.
Of course, you want to protect your reputation and dignity by hiding the hurt you feel behind behaviors in an attempt to express your self-respect. You’re trying to prove who you are, not act like a self-absorbed idiot.
If you are too proud to ask others what they think of you, the fact remains: whether or not you are ultimately narcissistic doesn’t matter. The fact that your life and relationships are being negatively affected is what matters.
Now that this is public, whether or not to address the matter is your choice.
Related: The Disarming Truth About Whether True Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists
