Conflict in life is normal, but if you’re constantly having problems in most of your relationships, you’re probably the problem.
Before you start tripping, let’s look beyond your ego, because this could be a serious problem. If you’re exhibiting basic narcissistic behaviors, that’s a problem, and your relationships will likely be affected by it.
On the surface, being a narcissist means that you have an inflated sense of your own importance, a deep (almost urgent) need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of overconfidence lies actually a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
So, why should you care? After all, narcissists lack empathy, right?
This behavior (and mindset) sabotages your life in many areas – from personal relationships to being happy (or more likely not) at work to how successful you are as a parent. This can create chaos in your financial affairs.
Related: If Your Child Is A Narcissist, You Probably Used This Bad Parenting Tactic
The good news is that you can do something to change. Most narcissists don’t mean to act this way. At their core, they are good people.
Narcissism can appear as a learned coping mechanism for feelings of shame, insecurity, and weakness.
The causes of BPD are still uncertain, but BPD can result from: Childhood trauma such as physical and verbal abuse, as well as early interactions with parents, friends, and relatives. In addition, genetic factors, family history, and increased sensitivity to tissues, noise, or light during childhood may contribute to its development. Personality and temperament also play a role in the emergence of narcissistic personality disorder.
Parenting styles that create fragile egos in children or parenting that uses excessive praise, which can include the belief that the child has special abilities, are also possible factors in the development of BPD.
The family environment seems to contribute greatly to the development of BPD, so now that you’re an adult, you may either expect everyone to kiss your ass or you may treat others the same way your parents treat you. Either way, your approach to getting your needs met alienates people.
How to stop being a narcissist
Be brave enough to ask for insight into yourself and your behaviors.
Talk to three people who have known you for more than four years, and ask them whether your behavior reflects “yes” to these 11 questions:
Do you consider me a proud person?
Do you think I insist on getting the best in everything?
If others don’t give me the attention or appreciation I feel I deserve, does it feel like I’m feeling insulted?
Do I seem to get easily upset or offended when people disagree with me?
Am I often critical of the ways others do things?
Do you think I think most people are stupid?
When someone hurts me, does “getting out” of it (or getting revenge in some way) seem to make me feel better?
Does it seem like I’m sick and tired of being the only person in the room who really gets it?
Do I seem to find life more frustrating than fun?
Does it seem like I have a pattern where many of my relationships crash and burn?
When I take on a project, do I end up either doing most of the work or working myself?
If they answer “yes” to five or more of these questions, your personality may be somewhat abusive and people may consider you a narcissist.
Instead of responding or trying to explain to them why you are doing these behaviors, be brave enough to hear their honest answers and allow the information to come to you.
Humbling yourself in front of three people and seeking a new perspective on how others perceive you is already a big step in the right direction.
