Unfortunately, playing the victim rarely results in getting what you want. Note six signs of someone playing the victim and how to avoid narcissists.
Not all victims are manipulative. Feeling like a victim has taken on negative connotations, but there are people who “play the victim” in order to manipulate you.
This is the preferred defense of narcissists and other people with a personality disorder. In some other cases, this behavior is learned as a child because it is a way to satisfy needs. I refer to them here as “actors”.
Sometimes actors act consciously, often unconsciously and automatically, like most of our defense mechanisms.
Related: “Of Course Method”: A Defensive Technique that Neutralizes Narcissistic Abuse
Pessimists and empaths with weak boundaries are easily manipulated and can end up in long-term relationships with a narcissist or someone who uses this tactic. They suffer guilt, blame, hurt, and resentment that their needs and feelings were not considered.
6 Signs someone is playing the victim
How to spot someone playing victim information
Here are some signs that you are being played by an actor:
They don’t take responsibility. When we feel like a victim, we externalize the source of our pain, so we are not responsible. Narcissists never want to take responsibility because it tarnishes their image of perfection, which is really a defense of hidden shame.
They try to blame you – anything so that they don’t take responsibility for their own mistakes or shortcomings. When you first meet a narcissist, notice if they blame others.
Soon you will be on their hit list. If they can make you feel guilty, they can control you, and that’s what they want. The reward is that you relieve their shame. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings, let alone their actions and words.
They do not take care of you and your mercy. They must continue to bring the complaint and the victim to further attention. They want power and attention more than sympathy. A real victim will appreciate your concern, will usually be uplifting and can take self-directed action.
They will often try to convince you to do something to fix their pain. This is a fool’s job because even if you are capable, which you don’t, they won’t appreciate it. Their need for narcissistic supply is boundless. Remember, they are invested in being the victim. They can’t take credit for your success, because they want all the praise and sympathy.
They only focus on their problems and minimize or ignore your needs and feelings. What they want is your attention, and you don’t want to be sidetracked by focusing on you or their kids.
They are good manipulators. Their manipulation is often subtle, as when they play the victim. Notice the subtle neglect and how they skillfully avoid answering questions about their behavior and shift responsibility for problems and complaints onto you.
