So, you’ve swiped right, exchanged some clever banter, and now you’re sitting across from your new crush at her favorite coffee shop.

But between the butterflies of blissful uncertainty and sips of a latte, you have a strange feeling that your date isn’t who he seems.

Could you have stumbled upon a narcissist in the wild?

Here’s how to put on your detective hat and find some clues before you get swept up in the charm and charm of your date.

The Chronic Headliner

People approach first dates with a variety of wants and intentions. But generally, first dates are about sharing parts of your life, hopes, and values ​​to find common ground. That’s not easy when you can’t get a word out.

Imagine being in the middle of sharing a funny anecdote about your furry friend when your date suddenly takes over. Before you know it, you’re locked in a monologue about their life, without interruption.

Your date seems to be talking over you every time you try to insert yourself into the conversation, and you seem more like an audience member than a participant.

Related : These Are The Most Toxic Traits Of The Narcissist

If your date seems more interested in hearing themselves talk than getting to know you, this could be a sign that they’re self-absorbed. Narcissists tend to dominate conversations to ensure that the focus stays on them, where they can receive the admiration and attention they crave.

RelationshipMartyr

Assume that every ex was toxic and every ex-boss refused to play fair.

In this case, your date may be telling you something important about themselves: They’re not good at taking responsibility for their actions and instead feel more comfortable playing the victim.

To protect and reaffirm their inflated sense of self-worth, narcissists shift blame onto others, deny responsibility entirely, or use their own negative experiences to justify their bad behavior.

They’re the innocent victims of every bad interaction, and their behavior matches the energy of the person who wronged them.

If your potential partner shows signs of being quick to point fingers and slow to apologize, this could indicate a future where they’re always the hero and you’re always the villain, eroding the potential for trust and growth in the relationship.

Emotional Collapse

Excessive attention, compliments, and affection in the early stages of a relationship is fine at first, but it can also be a red flag for manipulative behavior.

If your date is overdoing it—telling you they’ve never felt this way before, bombarding you with constant texts and calls, and planning expensive future dates before the appetizers arrive—proceed with caution.

There’s a chance your partner will suddenly change course once you’ve confirmed that you’ve won the dating lottery. Love bombing is often a way to avoid real vulnerability.

Narcissists hide behind the illusion of intimacy and connection, leaving their partners more likely to question and blame themselves once the affection dries up.

EmpathyAbyss

One of the hallmarks of narcissism is a profound lack of empathy. It may seem unfair to pin such a damning trait on someone on a first meeting, but red flags will show themselves in subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways. Pay close attention to how they react when you open up.

Your partner may seem distracted, disengaged, or unresponsive, especially when you’re the one doing the talking. They fail to ask follow-up questions or show genuine curiosity about your life.

How quickly do you steer the conversation toward them? They may react dismissively or insensitively when you share a particularly vulnerable experience.

Your partner may seem charming and charming on the surface, but has their conversational style with the waiter bothered you?

If so, it could be a sign that they’re focusing more on themselves and less on how their behavior affects the people around them.

TheRuleBreaker

Boundaries are an important part of a budding relationship. Communicating your boundaries is like sharing your blueprint for successful and safe coexistence.

Narcissists tend to ignore boundaries — whether that means breaking social norms or overstepping your boundaries.

They may insist on ordering you dinner without showing interest in your preferences.

Your partner may intrude on your personal information without sharing their vulnerabilities. In addition to dominating the conversation, they may invade your personal space without considering your comfort level.

Their lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and need for control prevent them from seeing you as an independent individual or an equal partner. You’ll find yourself being treated like an extension of your partner.

They may push you into uncomfortable situations and invalidate your response. “Why are you so sensitive?” or “This is no big deal.”

Narcissists may ignore or disrespect boundaries on a first date to test your level of compliance.

They need to make sure you can be manipulated, so they satisfy their own needs by pushing boundaries without regard for the feelings or independence of the person they are dating.

EchoChamber

Narcissists can be so overly charming that you wonder if you’ve met a complete stranger or a complete copy of yourself.

Do you want a family? They can’t wait to become parents but don’t have long-term relationships.

You’ve always dreamed of traveling the world. Well, they’ve been planning a round-trip for years, waiting to find the right person to share the adventure with.

Related : Avoiding The Narcissist Guilt Trip: How To Protect Your Self-Esteem

You’re hard-pressed to find areas where your beliefs, goals, and values ​​differ, yet you feel like you haven’t learned anything unique about your date.

This mirroring behavior is designed to win your admiration and approval while masking the narcissist’s true nature.

FinalThoughts

No one is perfect, and not everyone with a big personality or a penchant for talking about themselves is a narcissist.

It’s also unfair to diagnose someone based on a first date alone—when you’re both nervous, uncertain, and a little uncomfortable. But that sick feeling in your stomach is too important to ignore.

The people we let into our lives have the power to change us, lift us up, and hurt us.

Empower yourself to trust your instincts by recognizing the traits you want in a partner and the traits you’d be happier avoiding.

We all deserve transparency in our partners because getting to know someone, their flaws and their dreams, and having a safe place to share yours is one of the most beautiful parts of the human experience. Protect yours fiercely.