Do you know what your partner’s love language is and what you should do about it? Each of us speaks different love languages which can make relationships complicated.
Whether you’ve been together for a while or you’ve just started dating, the truth is that relationships can be complicated. Since communication is the key to a healthy relationship flourishing, we often get confused about what exactly we need to do to express our love and make our partners happy.
Most of us speak and understand love differently. This determines how we give and receive love. By understanding your and your partner’s love language, you will be better able to connect and sync with your partner.
What is the language of love?
In the 1990s, psychologist Gary Chapman popularized the concept of the five love languages in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Genuine Commitment to Your Mate. As the idea has become universally popular over the years, relationship experts have begun to encourage more and more people to understand their partner’s love language to strengthen their relationship.
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The five love languages suggested by Chapman are:
- Words of Affirmation: Receiving compliments, kind words, praise
- Acts of Service: Getting help with chores, daily tasks, and other favors
- Receiving Gifts: Getting thoughtful gifts that show love and effort
- Quality Time: Spending quality time with your partner
- Physical Touch: Being physically intimate in sexual and non-sexual ways
“The idea of love languages is that each of us has one or two preferred ways of receiving love and attention from a partner and that receiving affection through our ‘language’ makes us feel more fulfilled and happy,” explains Carol Church of SMART Couples. Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida.
Chapman believes that although we prefer to be loved in our preferred language, we also tend to express love to our partners in the same language. As a result, our feelings and emotions may not always be expressed and received by our partners in the best way possible. This can lead to many misunderstandings, complications and conflicts in the relationship.
Know your partner’s love language
How to speak the language of love to your partner and strengthen your relationship
“In marriage, husband and wife never speak the same language,” Chapman explains in a New York Times publication. According to the theory, one of the best ways to improve your relationship and make your partner feel loved and appreciated is to understand and pay attention to the love language your partner is speaking. Once you know this, you can communicate love and affection in their preferred language, and eventually, your partner will do the same to you, too.
“The idea of love languages is, quite simply, about our preferences in how we give and receive love and affection in relationships,” says clinical sexologist Dr. Valeria Choba. She adds, “The Love Language framework can be very useful in helping us better understand ourselves and our partners. But what makes applying this knowledge possible is your compassionate and honest connection with your partner, along with a genuine desire to share pleasure and connect together.”
When we understand the languages we speak in a romantic relationship, we can better understand how they show us love and how they want us to communicate love to them. This helps build the emotional connection and strengthens the bond in the relationship. It also helps you communicate your needs effectively, understand what you should do without your partner asking, and helps you and your partner feel valued.
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Speak the language of love to your partner
If you are wondering how you can express your love and affection to your partner in their preferred love language, here are some tips to help you out.
- Words of affirmation
If this is your partner’s love language, they need your verbal affirmations and compliments. They want you to tell them why you love and value them. Simple words like “You make me so happy” or “I am so proud of you” can make them feel loved.
How to communicate:
Encourage them, give affirmations, appreciate them, show empathy and listen actively.
Actions to be taken:
Be sure to send them loving and encouraging notes, texts, or cards frequently. Encourage your partner a lot. Praise them often, share words of appreciation, etc.
Things to avoid:
Don’t assume they know you love them. Stay away from unconstructive or toxic criticism or use emotionally abusive words. Do not fail to identify or appreciate the effort they put in.
Related: The Invisible Thread Between Two People Who Are Meant to Be Together
- Business of service
When your partner wants to communicate love through acts of service, you need to put in some effort to help him in his work. Do small things that they will appreciate more. This can include doing household chores, cooking or washing dishes, buying groceries, and so on.
How to communicate:
Say things that will show them that you are available to help them. Use action words like “Let me help you,” “I’m here,” or “I’ll help you.”
Actions to be taken:
Do things around the house, including chores. Help with difficult, time-consuming tasks and be spontaneous to help in small ways. Make sure to make an effort to reduce your daily workload. Always follow.
Things to avoid:
Don’t skip work you promised to get done or ask your partner to do something with a higher priority. Do not ignore requests for help and do not fall into gender stereotypes for performing tasks.
- Receiving gifts
When your partner speaks this love language, the first thing you should realize is that gifts don’t have to be extravagant. As they say, it is the intellect that counts. Make an effort to find the perfect gift for them that shows how well you know them.
Gifts that show how much you value and appreciate them. It can be the simplest, most thoughtful, and most meaningful gift for them. Small gifts and gestures are the most important. Thinking about gift giving is crucial.
How to communicate:
Show how thoughtful you are, and make an effort to show that she is a priority. Give gifts that represent feelings, moments, or experiences.
Actions to be taken:
Give gifts randomly and unexpectedly without waiting for a special occasion. Show gratitude when receiving a gift. Bring souvenirs when traveling without your partner. Give small tokens of appreciation when you’re not feeling the best
Things to avoid:
Make sure you don’t forget any special occasions. Don’t focus on the materiality or cost of the gift. Do it out of love, not as a duty.
Related: 6 Signs of Infatuation That We Often Confuse With Love
- Quality time
Make sure you spend plenty of time with your partner and share exciting, fun, loving and simple experiences. This will show that you prioritize your partner. Go on dates every weekend, spend some time alone without kids, do the things your partner loves, or simply stay home and enjoy each other’s company.
How to communicate:
Engage in deep, meaningful conversations that never stop. Spend more time with each other. Be mentally present and give them the attention they deserve.
Actions to be taken:
Focus on making special memories. Go on weekends, plan new activities together, take a walk to the park, or do little things you both enjoy.
Things to avoid:
Get away from all distractions when you’re having a great time together. Disconnect from all devices and turn off your smartphone, if possible. Don’t focus on other priorities when spending time together. Make sure not to think of them as needy.
- Physical touch
Although this love language includes sexual intimacy, be aware that it is not just about sex. Being physically close to you and showing affection through body language is important to your partner. This means holding hands, cuddling, cuddling, kisses, etc. Non-sexual touch is key.
How to communicate:
Use nonverbal communication such as your body language and touch to show your love.
Actions to be taken:
Show physical affection regularly. Kiss, hug, hold my hand. Offer a massage. Put your arm around your partner and hug them. Physical intimacy should be your top priority in a relationship.
Things to avoid:
Don’t ignore your partner or engage in physical neglect. Don’t go long periods without intimacy or receive casual affection. Don’t expect your partner to show physical affection.
Love how your partner wants to be loved
And they will also love you in your preferred language. Chapman’s five love languages show us that we need to make an effort to improve our behavior
to strengthen our relationship. “This is self-regulation,” writes Carol Church of the University of Florida. “Many relationship experts advise that when things aren’t going the way you want with your partner, the best first step may be to change yourself first,” she adds.
When we change ourselves and change the way we express love to our partners, it can show them how much they are loved, appreciated, and valued in the relationship. Loving your partner the way they want to receive love will improve your communication and make your relationship more fulfilling.
