How To Say No + 10 Things To Say No To Now

I used to struggle with saying no. I didn’t know how to say no.

I felt like if I said No, it meant I wasn’t a positive person coming from a place of “yes to life!”Attitude. I also felt that the universe would never allow me to attract anything good if I didn’t stay positive and be open to any possibilities (even if I knew deep down, that it wasn’t the right path for me). I have never felt more psychologically defeated, insecure, and miserable. For 24 years, I didn’t know how to say no.

The guilt was exhausting every time I said no. Partly because I was a delight to people and partly because I hated myself.

Sometimes, I would start to hint at a no and then, feeling so embarrassed/guilty/wrong, that I would just fold. Like a tent. Eat.Single.Time.
You will always have a hard time saying no as long as the * text you give about how you are perceived outweighs the * text you give about yourself.

I hated myself for not having the control to be able to express (and work on) my desires and needs.

This prevented self-esteem, emotional intelligence, dignity, happiness, and emotional backbone from having a chance to survive.

And because I had nothing to build on, I convinced myself that my only goal, be it with friends or lovers, was to build other people.

If you don’t have your own emotional life, your boundaries and standards will always be negotiable. You are no longer a sea or a yo-yo you are transformed from the ship you were born as, to an origami boat beating in the water- intricately built but easily destroyed.

The most successful companies have solid terms and conditions that are always adhered to for a reason.

What are your terms and conditions?

If you don’t have anything, you’ll have trouble saying no.

When you fly by the seat of your passionate pants, everyone will begin to notice that their shoes can use a little cleaning. Then it becomes ” useful.”And as much as it’s fun to have a group of people around, you don’t realize until it’s too late that the exploitative joke is falling on you. I’ve been a common mop the whole time.

After that, you feel so bad about yourself that you begin to equate the needed (used), with being wanted and appreciated.

And like a literal mop, because you have been an emotional mop for a long time, the insecurity that you feel due to the accumulated filth, dirt, and the psychological smell of others begins to paralyze you.

Then you start to apologize for:

• Set boundaries.
• Application of standards.
• The presence of a voice.
• Having an opinion.
• The presence of boundaries.
• The presence of questions.
• The need for clarification.
• The presence of standards.
• Breathe the air.

I felt useless and disgusting from being a mop that the psychological dirt of others was wiped on. And instead of getting clean, I overcompensated by becoming a permanent person.

I did this as a way to detract from the unbearable filth that I had accumulated. Whenever I said yes, it was like using a hand sanitizer that temporarily made me feel cleaner but in the end, it left me feeling like I needed to” wash ” more than before.

Related : How To Apologize To An Ex & What To Do With An Apology From An Ex

Such always attracts such. I was attracted by circumstances, situations, events, and relationships that continued to mop me as much as I continued to mop myself.

And as much as I hated being a doormat, at least it was familiar territory that I felt comfortable being predictable. My heart could not cope with the banks on anything where the result was uncertain – such as knowing how to say no and supporting it with dignity, white horse work.

If only I knew the power of saying no.

If you’re struggling with knowing how to say no, here’s everything you need to know…
What I learned about saying no:

The sky will not fall. As long as you don’t like, love, or respect who you are, you will always feel guilty about saying no. It doesn’t feel good to hold on to someone that you don’t like, love, or respect. That’s why guilt creeps in; you know you’re wasting your time. The word and the back-up action of “no,” is stronger than all your boundaries. The universe and karma do not “return” to people who do bad things. If they did, I’d probably be 6 feet under at this point or incarcerated; maybe institutionalized. I’m not going to write this post. The universe will only punish and karma will return only to those who do bad things and do not learn from them. As long as you develop, adapt, grow, and communicate honestly by having the courage to evolve from bad decisions, you will be rewarded in spades. Confusing the idea of being a positive person with the inability to say no is like believing that you are an Eskimo just because you are standing in the snow. The harder it is for you to say no, the deeper your self-doubt, misery, stress, and insecurity. Before you can master the art of saying No, you need to clearly define what to say yes to by saying and working on No (read it several times until it sinks in). If you’re having a hard time saying No, you’re probably more worried about emotional political correctness than you are about having an identity. The computer is boring. Yes, having a unique identity is food to be easily offended. But as long as they are rooted in empathy, inclusion, understanding, and sincerely kind (never brutal), they are interesting. Not everyone will agree with or like your No but they will respect how high you set your standards. And remember – everything sold at a discount is boring because there is already an abundance of it. Stop trying to convince yourself that there is an abundance of you. There’s only one. Successful business, relationships, and love life cannot coexist with the inability to say no. A saying means nothing unless it is supported by a generous action. Say yes enough times when you mean no and your body will start saying No to you. Ambivalence is the root of all misery, illness, and disease.

Learning how to say No changed my life.

I started saying No to toxic relationships and people who weren’t right for me even if I was related to them.

I began to say no to everything that I knew deep down, and that I didn’t want to do.

I made a promise to myself to 1) never have a boss again 2) never come to the relational, professional, and emotionally hungry Table 3) never come to that table without the leverage I got from the lessons learned.

I built my business soon after, while driving Uber to support myself, and continued to build from there until I didn’t need Uber anymore.

Related : People who display these 15 behaviors in a relationship lack emotional maturity

Sure, I still get aroused, heartbroken, insecure, and scared, but it doesn’t take me down any longer. The shame is gone. I used to have an entire Scroll of things that needed to be checked to be happy. Now, it takes a lot less because the power of No allowed me to be my emotional banker.
10 things you need to learn how to say no now:

Just say no to drama, Gossip, toxic people, ambivalence, dysfunction, emotional imbalance in bed, liars, emotional vampires. Just say no to people who break your trust. Just say no to the self-limiting story you chose to subscribe to. Just say no to anyone who makes you feel that your love is difficult. Just say no to anyone who feels they should get a gold star for being honest, respectful, empathetic, and follow-through. These principles should come with adulthood, not come selectively because your legs open up if they do. Just say no to any person, situation, or relationship that makes you question your worth. Just say no to anyone who doesn’t value your time. Just say no to your triggers. They are not your truth. Just say no to cheap revenge. Be kind, always show your back, and let people go peacefully. Just say no to anyone or anything that makes you question your worth – including your belief system. Just say no to the disease, please.

And finally, just say no to being anything other than yourself.