It’s no secret that talking to a narcissist often feels like a no-win situation. You may be used to the narcissist manipulating reality and blaming you for everything.
They don’t take personal responsibility for their actions and react with anger when things don’t go their way. This can all feel frustrating and demoralizing.
However, it’s important to know how to respond to a narcissist in order to preserve your dignity and well-being.
TheArtofRespondingToANarcissist
Knowing what to say to a narcissist isn’t always easy, especially when you’re in the middle of an argument.
Remember that regular communication strategies don’t necessarily work when dealing with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Related : 5 Things to Never Do After Breaking Up with a Narcissist
Instead of trying to build relationships, you need to focus on detachment as much as possible.
21KeyPhrasesToDisarmANarcissist
Dealing with a narcissist can be difficult, and you may be used to feeling bombarded in your interactions.
Narcissistic anger is exhausting, so here’s what to say to a narcissist to shut them up or avoid emotional drama.
“I’m sorry you feel this way”
You can feel sorry for someone without apologizing for your actions or boundaries.
This is an important phrase to keep in your back pocket when a narcissist accuses you of hurting them or wants to shift the blame onto you.
Read more: How to Respond to a Fake Apology from a Narcissist
“I’m not going to argue with you about this”
Narcissists love a good argument. It’s how they maintain a sense of power and control in their relationships.
However, you are allowed to set boundaries that protect your mental health. Simply saying that you won’t engage in a particular conflict quickly disarms a narcissist.
Read more: What Happens If a Narcissist Loses Control Over You?
“I’m going to keep doing what I need to do”
This phrase shows that you plan to stick to your boundaries. You won’t allow the narcissist to control you and dictate how you act.
“I see where you’re coming from”
Although narcissists crave validation, this type of statement disarms them in an argument.
They want you to engage and disagree with them—they feel morally superior when you act defensively.
“That’s interesting”
This is also a benign statement that’s hard to argue with. It validates enough to show that you’re paying attention, but it doesn’t give the narcissist more to argue with.
“I respect your point of view”
What’s the best way to respond to a narcissist when they’re trying to “win” an argument? Compliment them with a neutral statement.
It’s confusing to them because they’re waiting for you to argue or defend yourself.
Some people become less ego-focused when they realize that their loved ones care about their well-being.
“I understand your feelings”
This is another way to disarm a narcissist because you’re conveying that you see where they’re coming from.
Narcissists crave attention; Most narcissistic behaviors are a response to feeling unloved or unimportant.
This statement may help them move away from their usual angry or defensive posture.
“I’ll consider your point of view”
This shows that you’ve heard their point of view and may take it seriously.
Ultimately, what you do with their point of view is your choice, but the key is to have the power to make that decision!
“I won’t change my mind”
You are inherently right about your own values and beliefs.
Setting these clear boundaries shows that you’re not feeding the narcissist and won’t let it manipulate you into thinking or acting a certain way.
“I’m my own person”
This statement may be especially helpful if you’re dealing with narcissistic parents.
Narcissistic parents generally see their children as an extension of themselves. They have a hard time accepting behavior they don’t approve of.
They also feel entitled to their input, which is why you may need to remind them of your independence.
Read more: Do Narcissists Love Their Kids?
“I’m going to avoid getting involved in this for now”
If you need a break, it’s okay to step away and stop engaging.
Narcissists hate it when people do this, but you have every right to take care of yourself.
“I’m sure we’ll figure it out”
Narcissists often get overly dramatic when things don’t go their way or when they feel like they’re losing control of a situation.
This statement is equally calm and upbeat—it doesn’t exude that overly positive feeling, but it shows that you’re not panicking in the same way that they are.
“That’s good to know”
If the narcissist starts to throw out information or show an exaggerated sense of superiority over you, you can defuse the situation with this simple statement.
This shows that you’re paying attention to the conversation and isn’t outwardly saying they’re right or wrong about anything.
“I’ll wait until you stop interrupting me”
If you’re trying to resolve a conflict, you should have room to talk about what’s going on.
Narcissists often interrupt conversations, so make sure you don’t speak until you’re sure you can speak freely.
“No, I won’t do that”
You’re allowed to say “no” to anyone, and that includes narcissists. You can give as little or as much detail as you can about why you’re saying no.
“I have X minutes to discuss this”
It’s reasonable to give narcissists a time limit when you’re arguing with them. Since narcissists are master manipulators and don’t necessarily care about how their actions affect others, you may need to provide a concrete rule about how long you’ll choose to engage in a given conversation.
“These are my boundaries, and I’ll stick to them”
Remind the narcissist of your boundaries as often as you need to. You’re always allowed to set boundaries, but the most important thing is to enforce them (even when the narcissist tries to convince you otherwise).
“I need some time to think about this”
Narcissists sometimes have a way of making everything seem like it’s all about urgency.
But in reality, you don’t need to respond immediately or give in to their demands at will. You can take time to think about your decision.
“Thank you for telling me”
This is a neutral statement that has no emotion attached to it. It doesn’t reinforce anything the narcissist says or does.
“I understand why this is important to you”
You can acknowledge that you understand why something is important to the narcissist without reinforcing it further.
This statement disarms the narcissist because it validates them and reduces the chance of them arguing with you.
“I don’t agree with passive-aggressive communication”
Sometimes communicating with a vulnerable or covert narcissist can be more challenging than dealing with a more overt and grandiose narcissist.
Related : What Makes a Narcissist Tick After a Breakup?
This is because they tend to be indirect in their interactions, which can leave you feeling even more confused.
When dealing with them, be sure to remind them that you expect clear and assertive communication from them.
Things to Say to a Narcissist
It’s important to remember that narcissists crave attention. Even when they appear arrogant, selfish, and confident, they often have very low self-esteem, which leads to their toxic behavior.
If you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, you need to be aware of how positive and negative attention can reinforce problematic communication.
If the narcissist crosses your boundaries, follow through with consequences.
If you want to know how to verbally disarm a narcissist, keep these considerations in mind:
Don’t yell or make empty threats
Stay focused and calm (as much as possible)
Remember that the other person’s narcissism is not your fault
Understand that their thought process is completely different from yours
Dissociate yourself from their personal attacks
Remember that they are often self-absorbed and focused on protecting themselves
They want to feel superior at all costs (even if it’s irrational)
They also want to feel heard and understood, and you may be able to provide that
Powerful Phrases to Shut a Narcissist Down
Silencing a narcissist often takes skill and effort. You also need to be confident in your ability to defend your position. With that in mind, here are some effective phrases to respond to a narcissist:
“I don’t see it that way, but I see why you do it”
This phrase honors the fact that you are different. You acknowledge that you understand why they have a certain perspective, but you also notice that you see things differently.
“It’s Not My Responsibility”
Narcissists love to project their feelings onto others. But you’re not responsible for their anger, sadness, shame, or fear. Telling them this sets clear boundaries in your relationship.
“I can’t change how you feel about _“
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often want others to fix their emotional or mental health issues. You can offer support and guidance, but you can’t change someone’s feelings.
“I won’t let you treat me this way”
Dealing with a narcissist involves actions rooted in strong boundaries. At some point, you have to stand firm and disarm the narcissist by telling them that you won’t tolerate their abuse.
They’ll likely take this as a personal attack, but don’t let that stop you.
“I’m sorry we disagree”
You can “acknowledge that you’re upset or uncomfortable about your conflict.
This shows a sense of validation, but it also conveys that you’re not changing your mind on a whim.
“Saying nothing at all”
One of the best ways to disarm a narcissist is to completely ignore them.
This may feel uncomfortable at first, but you should keep yourself safe and feel protected.
