Have you ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells around someone because you’re afraid of their next angry outburst? That’s what narcissistic rage can feel like.
This is when someone gets extremely angry in an extreme and often frightening way, usually because they think they’re too loud. Dealing with this type of anger is hard, but keeping yourself safe and feeling good is important.
In this article, I’ll explain what narcissistic rage looks like and what you can do about it. Knowing how to deal with narcissistic rage can help you stay calm and protect yourself.
UnderstandingNarcissisticRage
Narcissistic rage is like a volcano. It can erupt suddenly and be very scary.
Related :Do Narcissists Raise Narcissists?
It happens when a narcissist feels insulted or threatened. Instead of getting a little angry, they get really angry, and they may try to hurt you with words or actions.
ExplosiveRage vs. PassiveRage
Narcissistic rage isn’t always loud and scary. Sometimes, it can be quiet and sneaky, too.
There are two types: explosive anger and passive-aggressive anger. Explosive anger is easy to spot – they yell, slam doors, or worse.
Passive-aggressive anger is more difficult; it’s more like the silent treatment or making cruel jokes about you.
If you want to learn more about narcissistic anger, I recommend reading my article -> What is Narcissistic Anger? Now let’s move on to how to deal with narcissistic anger.
15 Ways to Deal with Narcissistic Behavior
The following 15 ways are your toolkit for surviving and taking control.
They’re about understanding anger, protecting your peace, and making sure you come out the other side unscathed.
1 Stay Calm:
When dealing with narcissistic anger, the way you react is very important. If you stay calm, you’re more likely to defuse the situation.
Try not to let your voice or face show that you’re angry or scared as this can make the narcissist more hostile.
Instead, think of yourself as a duck: calm on the surface, even if you’re struggling underwater.
How to do this?
Your partner starts yelling about how messy the house is. You might feel like yelling, but instead, take a deep breath and calmly say, “I see that the mess is making you angry.
Let’s clean it up together this weekend.” That way, you acknowledge their feelings without adding tension and offer a peaceful solution.
2 Create distance
When someone’s temper is escalating, distance can serve as a safety net. This might mean leaving the room or going outside for a while.
Physical distance helps you stay safe and allows both of you to calm down. Remember, it’s about protecting yourself, not avoiding the issue forever. You can talk about it when things are calmer.
How to do this?
Imagine that your partner is starting to get irritated by your spending habits. Instead of getting into a heated argument, you might say, “Let’s discuss our budget, but I need to go outside for a while to clear my head.”
Taking a break helps prevent the situation from escalating and shows that you’re taking the situation seriously but not at the expense of your own safety.
3 Avoid Escalation
When a narcissist is angry, anything you say can be twisted and used against you, so it’s wise to keep your words and actions as neutral as possible.
Avoid directly challenging their points or responding with sarcasm, as this can lead to a bigger explosion.
How to do this
If the narcissist criticizes your work on a joint project, resist the urge to respond with justifications or criticisms of their work.
Instead, you can calmly say, “I hear your concerns. Let’s review this later to make sure we’re meeting our standards.”
This approach acknowledges their concerns without immediately fanning the flames, allowing for a more constructive conversation later.
4 Communication Techniques
When faced with someone’s anger, the way you listen and respond can either calm them down or stir up more trouble.
Reflective listening is a great tool. This means showing that you care and understand their feelings, but without saying you agree or disagree.
How to do this?
Let’s say the narcissist is angry because they think you’re not listening to them. Instead of arguing, you might say,
“It sounds like you’re upset because you don’t feel heard. What would help you feel like I’m listening?”
This response can defuse their anger and lead to a more authentic conversation about what’s bothering them.
5 Distract and Redirect
Changing the subject or suggesting a new activity may seem simple, but it can work wonders in changing someone’s mood and getting them out of their rage. This technique is all about redirecting their focus away from the trigger.
How to do this?
If the narcissist is angry because you made a mistake, instead of focusing on the mistake, try saying, “I realize this is serious, and I’m going to work on it.
Related : What is Narcissistic Supply?
Speaking of tasks, have we decided on our weekend plans?” This shift doesn’t ignore their concerns, but it does add a positive distraction, which can ease immediate tension and give both of you a chance to reset.
6 Limit Sharing
Sometimes, less is better than more. Sharing too much with someone in a narcissistic rage can add fuel to the fire.
Keep your interactions short and to the point. This doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the problem; it just means you’re choosing a safer, more controlled way to communicate.
How to do this?
Imagine your partner starts blaming you for a problem at work. You may want to step in and defend yourself, but it’s wiser to say something like, “I’m sorry to hear you had a rough day.
Perhaps we can figure out a solution once we’ve had a chance to relax.” Keeping the conversation short reduces the chance of the conversation escalating.
7 Self-Care
After a narcissistic rage flare-up, it’s important to take care of your emotional state.
Activities like meditation, exercise, or anything else that brings you joy can help you recharge and maintain your balance in a stressful environment.
How to do this?
Let’s say you’ve had a severe narcissistic rage attack. To help restore your sense of peace, you could go for a run, call a trusted friend, or engage in a hobby you enjoy.
Taking this time for yourself isn’t just good for your mental health; it’s essential to ensure you have the emotional strength to deal with these situations in the future.
8 Reinforce Positive Behavior
When the narcissist shows signs of calm or reasonableness, acknowledge these moments. Positive reinforcement can encourage more of the same behavior.
How to do this?
If there is a day when the narcissist talks about an issue without getting angry, point it out. I really appreciate how we calmly discuss this. It’s helpful.”
This kind of encouragement can sometimes push the narcissist toward less aggressive patterns of interaction, where constructive behavior is seen and appreciated.
9 Self-Counseling
In dealing with narcissistic anger, it’s helpful to have an outlet and strategies for managing stress. A counselor or therapist can be a valuable ally in building resilience and providing coping mechanisms.
How to do this?
You’ve always been stressed by your partner’s unpredictable moods.
Seeking the support of a counselor allows you to express your feelings in a safe environment and learn strategies for staying grounded.
A therapist may teach you relaxation techniques or new ways to frame the challenges you’re facing, giving you a stronger foundation for dealing with the narcissist’s tantrums.
10 Set Consequences
When a narcissist crosses your boundaries, there should be clear consequences. This sends a message that their anger is not an acceptable way to communicate.
How to do this?
If the narcissist becomes verbally abusive during a disagreement, calmly state that this behavior will not be tolerated and end the conversation.
If necessary, leave Leave the room or hang up the phone. You could say, “I’m willing to talk when we can be respectful. Until then, I need to step away.”
Related : Living With A Narcissist: When Leaving is Not an Option
Setting these boundaries with specific consequences can reduce the outbursts of anger, as such behavior is known to lead to a loss of engagement with you.
11 Understanding Narcissism
Learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder helps you anticipate and manage their reactions more effectively.
It can explain why they may need so much control or lash out when they feel slighted.
How to do this?
By reading about narcissism, you’ll discover that their anger often comes from a deep-seated fear of not being good enough.
This knowledge can make you more empathetic and patient. It also helps you not take their outbursts personally or feel responsible for fixing their emotional state.
This entire site is dedicated to narcissists and narcissism, so I encourage you to continue reading more articles to educate yourself.
12 Strengthen your support networks:
A strong support network is crucial when dealing with a narcissist.
Friends, family, or support groups can offer advice and comfort, and provide an outside perspective that helps you stay grounded.
How to do this?
Create a trusted circle where you can share your experiences and get advice.
Whether it’s a weekly coffee with a friend or an online forum where you can vent and support others, these connections remind you that you’re not alone and provide a space to recharge emotionally.
13 Use “I” statements:
Communicate your feelings without placing blame by using “I” statements. This can make the narcissist less defensive and more open to understanding your perspective.
How to do this?
Instead of saying, “You always ignore my needs,” try, “I get upset when I don’t feel heard.” This shift in language can lead to more productive discussions and less resistance from the narcissist.
14 Know when to walk away:
Sometimes the healthiest option is to leave a relationship with a narcissist. Recognize the signs that staying is causing more harm than good, such as feeling scared all the time or starting to lose focus on who you are.
How to do this?
If you find that despite your best efforts, narcissistic anger is escalating or becoming abusive, it may be time to consider leaving for your own safety.
Contact trusted friends, family members, or professionals to create an exit plan and access support resources.
I also recommend reading my article -> A Survivor’s Guide to Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse
BeforeYouGo
I hope these strategies have provided you with some tools to better deal with narcissistic anger.
Remember, dealing with this type of anger is not about your worth. It’s about someone else’s struggles. It’s okay to step back, take care of yourself, and know when enough is enough.
You are stronger than you think, and with these tips, you’ll be better prepared to face the tough times.
Keep your head up, lean on those who care about you, and don’t forget to breathe and give yourself some credit for getting through it all.
Take it one day at a time—you can do it, and you’re not alone.
