Sexual narcissism, sometimes called sexual entitlement, involves a largely selfish view of sexual activity.

People with traits of sexual narcissism typically have an inflated idea of ​​their sexual skills and performance in the bedroom and focus primarily on what they want.

They also tend to lack interest in developing emotional intimacy and show little concern for what their partners might want. It’s not uncommon for these people to manipulate or coerce partners into meeting their needs.

Experts have linked individuals who exhibit coercive behaviors to infidelity, sexual aggression, and other harmful behaviors.

Whether you’re in a relationship with someone who exhibits signs of sexual narcissism or are reevaluating your ideas about sex, we’ve got answers to your questions below.

They seek sex for physical pleasure, not emotional connection, and may exploit or manipulate partners to have sex.

Past research suggests that this pattern of behavior has its roots in insecurity and low self-esteem.

Traits of sexual narcissism appear in all sexual relationships a person has, not just with one partner or for a short period.

People with sexual narcissism seek sex because it benefits them. In addition to physical pleasure, sex provides validation of their physical prowess. However, they may not necessarily have a preoccupation with sexual thoughts or behaviors.

Is there a difference between sexual narcissism and regular narcissism?

In short, yes. Sexual narcissism and what experts call global narcissism are related but distinct concepts.

Sexual narcissism refers to narcissistic traits, such as entitlement, low empathy, or superiority, that are manifested specifically in sexual behavior.

This term describes a pattern of behavior that is evident in a person’s attitudes and beliefs about sex. It is not considered a personality disorder or specific mental health condition.

Narcissism is a personality disorder. Experts have reached a consensus on its typical traits, and you’ll find specific diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

The traits and behaviors associated with this condition typically appear in multiple areas of life.

It’s certainly possible for someone with an attitude of sexual entitlement to also meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, but that may not always be the case.

Researchers have noted that people with narcissism often display some form of sexual entitlement, yet the criteria mental health professionals use to assess narcissistic traits don’t specifically mention sexual behavior.

Another key difference between the two lies in the association between sexual narcissism and sexual aggression. Unlike sexual narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder alone doesn’t necessarily indicate a higher likelihood of behaving in sexually aggressive ways.

What Does Sexual Narcissistic Personality Disorder Look Like?

In general, sexual narcissistic personality disorder involves many of the same traits associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

These behaviors are ongoing, appearing constantly rather than occasionally, but they appear in the context of sexual interactions and relationships rather than in all areas of life.

A partner with sexual narcissism may:

Believe that they are entitled to sex and have the right to demand it whenever they want, even if they are working, sleeping, or otherwise busy

Expect sex in exchange for gifts or favors
Feel that they are completely willing to trick, deceive, or manipulate you into having sex
Don’t care much about what you want in bed
Need a lot of validation and admiration for their sexual performance
Believe that they have superior sexual skills and that everyone else considers them to be great sexual partners
React badly when you refuse sex or fail to give enough praise and approval
Bring you down, often to manipulate you more easily
Become upset or dissatisfied with the idea that other people have more or better sex than they do

The belief that they are entitled to sex when they want it may lead them to have sex outside of your relationship. They may justify this behavior, and you may feel like it’s your fault for not making yourself available for sex.

People with sexual narcissism often lack empathy, so they may not feel particularly distressed by their behavior or care about hurting others.

Are there different types of sexual narcissism?

Existing evidence has not identified specific subtypes of sexual narcissism, but it is important to understand that this pattern of behavior can manifest in different ways.

Like narcissism, it occurs on a spectrum. Higher levels of sexual narcissism usually translate into a more severe and persistent pattern of behavior.

Related : Is There a Relationship Between Asperger’s and Narcissism?

Not everyone with sexual narcissism will show all the signs, or try to exploit or coerce partners. Some people may simply appear more neglectful than aggressive when it comes to sex.

They may need a lot of admiration and approval to boost their sense of self-worth, or they may insist on having sex the way they like it rather than asking about your interests.

When you don’t compliment them, they may respond by withholding affection and intimacy.

However, these sexual behaviors are certainly not healthy or positive, and this lack of empathy can lead to a lot of distress.

What should you do if you notice this in yourself?

Perhaps some of your previous partners have mentioned some of the signs above, or you’ve noticed them yourself, and you’re wondering how you can start building healthier sexual relationships.

Remember, it takes at least two people to have sex with a partner. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy a certain type of sex, but to enjoy healthy, respectful sexual interactions, you’ll also need to consider the needs of the other people involved.

Another way to look at this might be to ask yourself (and them) what you can do to help them enjoy the encounter, too.

It never hurts to have a conversation about boundaries and what you’re both looking for, sexually, before you have sex with anyone new.

Discussing these things regularly with long-term partners can also have a positive impact on your relationship.

It’s also helpful to explore how feelings of sexual confidence or superiority affect your underlying motivations for sex. Sex is more than just a means of gaining admiration and approval.

Sure, it’s fun and makes you feel good, but it also provides an opportunity to connect with your partner on a deeper emotional level and develop more fulfilling relationships.

When you’re willing to put in the effort, boosting your empathy is entirely possible. Having greater empathy and consideration for your partner can provide many benefits, including better sex and a stronger relationship.

A healthier relationship can, in turn, lead to improved well-being and overall life satisfaction.

What if you notice this in your partner?

Having a selfish partner is one thing entirely. Dealing with the effects of sexual narcissism is another thing entirely.

The best way to handle the situation may depend on your partner, as well as their usual behavior toward you.

If they seem to care about you in general and show an interest in maintaining your relationship, an open conversation may provide a starting point.

You might say, for example, something like:

“I enjoy having sex with you, and I consider physical intimacy an important part of our relationship. But it’s frustrating when I say I don’t feel like it and you immediately dismiss me. I’m not rejecting you, but I don’t live solely to serve your sexual needs either.”

You can also set some boundaries:

“If this relationship is going to work, I need your respect and understanding when I’m not in the mood for sex. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who gives me the silent treatment or threatens to sleep with someone else.”

It may also be helpful to gently remind them that your sexual interests are important, too:

“We have a lot of fun during sex, but I’ve noticed that you almost always choose where and what we do. I wonder if we could try some of my ideas next time.”

Just know, though, that you can’t change them on your own. Their behavior likely won’t change unless they’re willing to address it.

Related : 12 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

If they continue to ignore or brush off your suggestions, it may be helpful to reach out to a relationship counselor for support.

Therapy provides a safe space to work on ingrained patterns of behavior that are affecting your relationship, but mental health professionals generally won’t recommend relationship counseling if you’re experiencing relationship abuse.

Sexual narcissism can certainly involve abuse, including sexual coercion and other manipulative tactics. It may be a better option to pursue individual therapy and work on a safety plan when they’re displaying abusive, angry, or violent behavior toward you.

How might this affect you in the long run?

A lack of empathy and consideration for the sexual needs of others does not bode well for successful or satisfying relationships.

Sexual narcissism that leads to infidelity can end relationships. Abusive or coercive behavior can cause pain and trauma for your partner and legal consequences for you.

Even in the absence of cheating and aggressive behavior, you may move from relationship to relationship, feeling unsatisfied without really knowing why. And if you start to doubt yourself and your skills, you may end up feeling anxious, depressed, empty, or angry.

What’s the bottom line?

Sexual confidence is a great (and perfectly healthy) thing—until it becomes a sense of entitlement that leads to negative outcomes for others.

Treatment with a sex and relationship counselor can help you begin to explore and work through potentially problematic, entitled, or harmful thoughts about sexual behavior and develop the skills needed for healthy, fulfilling relationships.

A therapist can also offer support and guidance when your partner feels entitled to sex, tries to manipulate you, or shows other signs of sexual narcissism.