“The smartest way in the world to lie is to tell the right amount of truth at the right time – and then keep quiet.” -Robert A. Heinlein

Yes, lying by omission is the most subtle, effective and seamless way to deceive and lie. However, that doesn’t make it okay.

The definition of lying by omission goes something like this: leaving out important, relevant facts in a conversation in order to promote a misunderstanding.

Many wonder if it is true to lie when you lie by omission. Let’s find out if ignoring is really lying and how it destroys relationships.

Is ignoring a lie and why do people lie by ignoring it?

“It’s not just what we do, but also what we don’t do, for which we are responsible.” – Molière

So is the omission a lie? It is certain. It belongs to seven types of lying:

Omission – The person ignores information that is relevant to how the entire situation is viewed.

False – The person truly believes he is telling the truth. They made a mistake and what they said was incorrect even though they thought so.

Restructuring – The person changes the scene in a way that makes them less involved.

Denial – The person refuses or does not have the ability to accept the truth. They usually also lie to themselves.

Minimization – The person minimizes the effects of what happened.

Exaggeration – The person constructs the story in a way that suits them to look their best or uses unnecessary exaggerations.

Fabrication – The person invents a whole story and tells a complete lie (these lies are called commission lies).

Omission seems to be one of the most innocent ways to lie. Even a polygraph won’t pick up this type of lie because it’s not even false statements, just incomplete facts.

However, it seems that dealing with lies of omission is not easier when used in romantic relationships. Why does it hurt so much?

We’ll get into the details, but the ultimate reason is that the person being deceived or having secrets kept from them feels intentionally hurt by their loved ones, who clearly have little respect for them because they chose to let them live. In a false reality.

Why do people choose to skip some parts of the truth?

1) Because of fear. They don’t want to be on the receiving end of anger or any kind of punishment that they think might follow if they told the whole truth.

2) They feel guilty about the thing they did and don’t want to talk about it publicly and think hiding it is the best option.

3) They are ashamed of what they did and do not want their loved ones to look at them differently.

These are some of the most common phrases a person who has lied by omission uses when his secret is exposed:

“I couldn’t bear to tell you!”

“It does not appear to be important information to share at this time.”

“I didn’t actually lie, I just didn’t say anything.”

“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“I was afraid of what you’d say!”

While they may all make perfect sense, lying by omission is still lying and is extremely painful.

So, what is it about lying by omission that impacts so profoundly? Let’s find out.

6 Reasons Lying by omission in a relationship is devastating

1. Omissions hide lies that can be difficult to follow up on
   When someone chooses to tell half-truths, their story often leaves some questions unanswered.

For a partner who has a secret hidden from him, the whole thing may seem illogical and he usually starts asking additional questions just so that he can get a clear understanding of what is happening.

The person keeping the secret, in an attempt to keep his secret, tells lies that were not part of his original plan.

This complicates the situation further, creating a dark and chaotic atmosphere in the relationship.

2. The person holding a secret feels uncomfortable and guilty
   Although telling the truth may not change the relationship as much as the deceiver thinks, the whole experience of being ignored does.

Unless he is mentally ill, the partner keeping the secret will begin to feel guilty about the things he did not say.

The person who feels guilty continues to destroy the relationship in many different ways, and the first lie of omission is just a starting point for what comes next.

3. Lies of omission and secrets are barriers to communication

To be able to tell the truth even when you know it won’t make you look good, you need to feel like you’re in a safe environment.

If someone who is not generally a liar and deceiver chooses to delete something, it may mean that they are already having trust issues.

Once a lie comes out, it prevents true intimacy.

The person who has the secret feels all kinds of uncomfortable feelings and is unable to open up in any other aspect of the relationship because the lie or the omitted truth prevents him from doing so.

In these cases, closeness is avoided and there is usually a reduction in conversation and physical intimacy which means that the sexual relationship between two people also diminishes.

It is impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with clear communication and strong connection without being completely honest with each other.

Lies of omission destroy intimacy and this is perhaps their most destructive effect in relationships (or should I say toxic relationships).

4. Deception destroys the self-esteem of both parties in the relationship

A person who chooses to lie may begin to question themselves completely, especially if it is the first time they have done something like this.

Feeling terrible and guilty about doing something reckless towards their partner makes them feel like a bad person and they have a hard time accepting what they did but they still can’t find a way to tell the truth.

This slowly destroys their self-esteem.

For the person on the receiving end of the lie, their self-esteem can be destroyed by two different aspects of the omission.

The first aspect of omission is when the lie has not yet been discovered.

Sometimes, things don’t go their way, and they feel insecure, suspicious, and generally weird, which can make them think there’s something wrong with them.

The other side of omission is after the secret is discovered, where the person clearly feels many different things that we’ll talk about in just a minute.

The combination of negative emotions leads to low self-esteem.

5. The person who has been lied to feels so many negative emotions that they cannot be counted

After the person who lied to them discovers the truth, they go through a significant process of self-examination. There is a lot going on in their minds.

First, they feel confused and may deny what happened.

Then they feel abandoned by the person they love and who they thought loved them. They suddenly feel like they can’t trust anything or anyone.

They feel less aware or even stupid for not finding out that they were lied to earlier. They begin to feel angry towards their partner and also towards themselves.

All of these feelings are difficult to deal with and often lead to anxiety about the entire situation.

It is very difficult to deal with the deception of a loved one.

Even if they can force themselves to forgive and forget, the mark in their psyche remains forever and causes them to have trust issues and become more suspicious and stressed in the future.

6. The way a liar deals with guilt causes more harm than the actual lie

Managing guilt and shame creates many new problems. By keeping a secret, the secret holder begins to hide more and more about his identity every day.

In order to justify their actions (and deal with what they’ve done), they may withdraw, resent their partner, become incredibly critical or judgmental, extremely nervous, or even aggressive.

Lying creates an internal conflict for them and they use many psychological tools to deal with it.

Often they become distant and unreachable from their partner, causing the relationship to fall apart on its own, without even discovering the lie.

Anyone who is afraid to tell the truth should think about this before deciding that lying is easier because it is more complicated than it seems.

If you think your partner might be telling you half-truths and letting you believe something that’s (completely) not true, read about these signs to find out if you’re right.

7 Subtle Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating

1. They are open about using little lies or white lies

They are completely fine with using fiber all the time. They don’t even find it uncomfortable having to tell a white lie, it’s simply the way they work.

Little lies are something they think is necessary and they don’t even think about telling the truth when dealing with the truth is more complicated than lying.

They are clearly capable of lying with a straight face and little lies are the most natural part of their daily lives.

2. Their behavior in previous relationships is less than admirable

You know that they used to lie or cheat on their exes. Someone who was able to do it once will surely be able to do it again.

It’s not necessarily true that they will, but you definitely have to pay a little more attention than you would with a partner who has always been open and honest in their relationships.

3. They lived in a family where it was acceptable or necessary to have secrets

There are two different cases here:

1) Your partner comes from a family where one parent encouraged him or her to lie to the other parent or other people in general.

They think it’s okay to tell lies that seem irrelevant to them because that’s the way they were raised.

Their family operated this way because they could remember and they were never taught to always be honest.

Their parents may have told them that it’s okay to lie so as not to hurt someone or to avoid confrontation.

2) Your partner comes from a family where he had to develop a coping mechanism to deal with overly controlling parents.

Their parents couldn’t accept that they grew up wanting to do certain things, so they used to lie to avoid punishment or anger.

It is also possible that their parents were overly aggressive and had very harsh punishments, and so they taught themselves to lie to avoid pain.

When they feel that their partner is “trying to control” their life in any way or when they fear that their partner may disapprove of their choice, they simply omit the truth.

Either way, lying has become so natural to them that you can’t even notice their body language changing when they’re lying.

Lying was their best friend growing up, and still is, so they use it to avoid uncomfortable situations.

4. They use lies of omission all the time with friends, family, or at work

You know that they use social lies when they communicate with their friends or family and you are aware of how often they do this without batting an eyelid.

If it’s perfectly acceptable for them to omit the truth to their friends and family, or tell any kind of lie, why do you think they wouldn’t do that to you?

Also, if your partner’s job requires him to be accustomed to being evasive or deceptive, this means two things:

1) They are clearly able to do such a thing without worrying too much about its impact;

2) Sooner or later, this behavior will become their habit and they will transfer it to their personal relationships if they haven’t already.

The truth is that people who are capable of deceiving others usually do not choose who they are. They use deception as a tool when they think it’s necessary and that’s that.

5. They generally find it difficult to accept responsibility for their actions

People who are not shy about deception and lies usually have trouble accepting responsibility in general.

No matter what happens, even when they are the only ones causing a problem, it is never their fault.

There is always a reason for their inappropriate behavior and they are great when it comes to making excuses.

When you ask, there will be many complicated circumstances that led them to do something that hurt you, but you should never blame them.

6. They usually avoid confrontation

People who avoid confrontation are the ones most likely to lie by omission. It makes perfect sense.

They avoid telling the truth or the whole truth in order to avoid confrontation. It’s that easy.

Stressful situations that require arguing, proving points, and discussing things passionately are far outside their comfort zone.

When they think a conflict of any kind might be caused by something they did or said, they simply skip acknowledging what they did or said.

It is easier for them not to tell the truth than to involve themselves in the conflict.

7. They do not keep their promises

What do you call making a promise and not keeping it? cheater? He lies?

Whatever you call it, it speaks about a person’s integrity and honesty and also about how important his word is to him.

If a person never commits to making his promises come true, he clearly does not care much about the truth of his words.

If ignoring his promises is a habit for your partner, it probably means he’s willing to cheat on you in other ways as well.

A lie, no matter how innocent it may seem, can cost a person everything. Telling even one lie overshadows all the truths the person has told.