If you are looking to outsmart a narcissist, I have seven tips to help you do exactly that. By the time you finish reading this, you will understand how to come face to face with a narcissist in your life. Instead of you walking away confused and frustrated, narcissists will do it for you.
Now that’s a win!
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7 ways to beat a narcissist in any conversation
Tip 1: Limit your communication
Limit your contacts with this person. If you decide that this is the person you still need in your life, keep your conversations simple. Only talk to them about the things you need to talk about. Try not to take it further.
Don’t ask any questions about their lives, and don’t answer any questions about yours. If you have to answer, keep it very short and general.
Tip two: Understand the narcissistic personality
Narcissists lack complete object relations. Simply put, they have a black and white vision of those around them. They cannot have positive and negative feelings about you at the same time. To them, you are either totally good or totally bad.
Also, narcissists lack emotional empathy, so they don’t fit well with someone who cares about others.
These are not people you want to have long fights with because they will stop at nothing. If you start looking for revenge, you can easily fall into a never-ending cycle. You do something, and then they will probably take revenge worse than you did. In turn, you are more motivated by revenge.
This is why a basic understanding of narcissism can help you overcome the narcissist. You must know what you are dealing with before you can learn to protect yourself.
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Tip 3: Distance yourself from the narcissist and the people close to them
Tread too lightly — not just with the narcissist — but with anyone who’s friends with them. Some of these people can be face-to-face and play nice with you for information to give back to the narcissist.
If the narcissist turns some important people in your life against you, the best thing you can do is just let him go until the dust settles. You can rebuild these relationships after you do some recovery and there is some distance between you and the narcissist.
Tip 4: Don’t give a narcissist what he wants
Narcissists are very likely to say things that either flatter you or turn you on. They’ll say something they know you have an emotional bond with, for good or bad.
If they are saying nice things, your response to that thing should be pretty dry. You can respond with something like, “That’s very kind of you to say.” If it’s something negative, you can say something like, “I’m really sorry you feel this way.”
Tip 5: Take the power out of what they say
If the narcissist brings up something you feel ashamed of, and want to respond to, take the force away in that moment. You can either say, “This is something I’ve been really struggling with, but I’ve come a long way.” Or you could use two very strong words: “So what?” If you’re not interested in the problem, they immediately reduce their entire argument.
Their opinion of us does not matter. And even though we all know we’re not perfect, we can accept our imperfections and work on them… without the narcissist.
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Sixth tip: highlight the ugliness that comes out of their mouths
If they say something nasty or hateful, ask them what they mean. Even if you know what they mean, still ask them. You can also call them out on their anger. Doing so will make them have to defend themselves. Just make sure you stay calm. If your feelings run high, you haven’t outgrown them.
On the other hand, when you force them to look inside themselves instead, it will cause a narcissistic injury. This isn’t something you want to do if you fear the narcissist, but it can work very well if you don’t.
Tip 7: Watch your emotional state closely
Imagine wearing a heart monitor and every time you feel an emotion, whether you are angry, sad, or hurt, imagine an audible beep going off. This is the danger zone because you will most likely react.
Responding in an emotional way to the narcissist will not do anything to help your current situation. It might help you feel a little better in the moment, but you’ll get into arguments back and forth. So it’s really best that you keep it and stay away from it.
Related: 5 Red Flags And Blind Spots When Dating A Narcissist
