How can you make someone respect you and see that everyone is wrong but themselves? How can you get someone to respect and value your opinions and ideas and not even know how to acknowledge them? Well, gaining the respect of a narcissist can be one of the hardest tasks, but there is one way you can achieve it. Let’s talk about that.
There was probably a time when you thought the narcissist in your life actually respected you, right? I mean, why else would they treat you so well? During the (ideal) love-bombing phase, the narcissist is in over his head, and there’s no doubt that he’s totally infatuated with you! So, of course, they are on their best behavior. They treat you as if you are really important and special – even putting you on a pedestal. Don’t treat someone this way unless you respect them. right?
But then, the devaluation stage arrived for the first time. And everything fell around you. You are left spinning and wondering what just happened. If you’re like me, you need to know this. Perhaps this led you to dig into the situation, which led you here, in the end.
Learn about the cycle of narcissist abuse
If this sounds familiar, I guess since then, I’ve learned the unfortunate truth about this toxic person in the hardest way possible. If so, then the following should resonate with you, at least on some level. As it turns out, the narcissist doesn’t respect you, and that incredible attachment you felt at the beginning of the relationship wasn’t real at all. In fact, the narcissist would love to bomb you, and this was part of an identifiable and repeatable pattern of narcissists in toxic relationships.
In other words, if the narcissist is not a family member, when you meet them, they are in acquisition mode and you are the target. Once they make sure you are in their clutches, they start treating you… well, a little differently. And if the narcissist is part of your family, they will run a similar cycle with you throughout your life. But either way, there was a time when you found yourself in a devaluation phase, and that’s where you first started to realize what was going on. You immediately recognized the fact that the narcissist didn’t respect you one bit. In fact, with every word that comes out of their mouths and with every passing moment, they become increasingly abusive, dragging your self-esteem down to the dirt, making you feel like you don’t matter at all.
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As devastating as this realization was, a part of you felt some relief when you realized it wasn’t you — that you weren’t, in fact, the problem in the relationship, as you thought. As your relationship has progressed, you may have forgotten what it felt like to be respectful at all. Speaking of respect, does a narcissist respect anyone at all? like ever? Well, yes, and no. It is complicated.
Look, we know that the average narcissist seems to think they are the only ones in the world that matter and that everyone else is below them. In other words, they feel special and are entitled to special privileges and gifts that not everyone gets. I have literally heard more than one narcissist say that they believe that on some level, the world revolves around them. And since this is the case, how can a narcissist respect you? Let’s talk about that.
Can you make a narcissist respect you? First, we must agree on what exactly we mean by “respect.” Respect can be defined as someone feeling positive about you as a person. It may also mean being considered important by another person, meaning that someone who respects you clearly sees and appreciates your good qualities. This means that they hold you in high regard and that they clearly recognize your individual value as a person and entity that is unique and separate from themselves (as opposed to an extension of the self). This means that they treat you in a way that makes you feel good or at least comfortable. Can a narcissist respect anyone based on this definition of respect? maybe. But they generally don’t. Instead, they will see you as an object or extension of themselves. Or, if you are an authority figure, they will be nicer to you and may appear to respect you, but secretly, they will calculate how they can make use of your knowledge — or worse, depending on the relationship you have, how quickly they can take your place.
Some people will advise you that learning to respect yourself is the key to getting a narcissist to respect you. And listen – I want that to be true, too. But that’s not the case – at least not when you’re talking about job respect. What I mean is that when you combine narcissists’ lack of empathy and emotional empathy with their inability to see you as a whole person, you get someone who doesn’t care how you feel and thinks you don’t matter. These components do not add respect in any way. What if I leave the narcissist? So don’t they respect you? Many people believe and will advise that letting go of a narcissist will make them respect you. While it may be true on some level and in some cases, it will not cause them to change and become better people. Unfortunately, leaving a narcissist will only make them angry, sad, hopeless, and/or apathetic, depending on whether they were given a narcissistic surrogate supply beforehand. In any case, they will not respect you yet. Instead, they will start a smear campaign by lying to you first and often projecting their sins onto you during their ongoing story which helps them secure an even more narcissistic source (because people feel sorry for them, as you may have had early in your relationship, and have to support them). .
How to Get the Respect You Deserve You may not like what I have to say, but if you know me, you know I say it like it is. Here’s the deal. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Well, maybe some people will. I will. However, there is something about a person who lacks self-esteem that sometimes causes less toxic people to take advantage of them. There is no reason to be shaken in this way. When you learn to respect yourself, you teach others how to treat you almost without even trying, because your standards rise and you naturally enforce your own personal boundaries. But am I saying that the narcissist will be among those who respect you when you learn to respect yourself, after all? No, not exactly. Let’s talk about it, look, while learning to love and respect yourself will help you stop accepting narcissistic dish abuse so often, it certainly won’t make them respect you — at least not in any functional way. But all is not lost!
The good news is that if you can develop your self-image to the point where you’re okay with—maybe even like—who you are, you’ll be showing them that you’ll no longer tolerate their BS. Next, make sure you take good care of yourself, inside and out. And as you radiate real confidence and move away from your dependence on the narcissist, something crazy can happen. You may find a way to leave. And then, my friend, you may find a way to create a life you love for real. Just… pause for a second, and breathe. Imagine with me for a moment that you no longer have to put up with the drama and misery that goes along with a narcissist and that you have created the life you truly want. what does it look like Who is involved? Where do you live? What do you do? What does your ideal life look like? Take a few minutes and write it down! Help the narcissist create your own codependency. Your self-reliance was at least partially created by the narcissists in your life. They taught you to be afraid of them, their moods, and their general presence. They’ve taught you that you don’t matter without them and that if you don’t go along with what they want, you’re bad and/or invisible. In either case, you will be punished in different ways and this in addition to all the emotional and psychological abuse you deal with throughout your relationship with the narcissist will become the basis of your damage – the trauma you experienced.
This will become the reason you realize you may be dealing with the symptoms of C-PTSD and the reason you will literally question yourself, your reality, and your ability to function as a normal human being in the world. You have to remember something. Narcissists prey on you by stooping to the trauma they have created within you. They caused you to lose your confidence, thanks to years of constant abuse, and this made you succumb to their manipulative methods. is reading:
They prey on you because they think they can, and because until now you may have put up with it. But guess what? You don’t have to take it anymore. You deserve to be happy, to feel at peace, and to feel safe in your home. The narcissist takes all of it from you – and my friend, you deserve better. How to deal with a lack of respect If you are suffering from narcissistic abuse, you will need to focus on what you can do to heal first, and then you will want to work on becoming the person you really want to be. This will help you along the way of learning to first accept and then love and respect yourself. It may seem like allowing yourself to feel powerful in the presence of narcissists is more difficult at least at first – and that’s usually true. So, if you need to, practice with people you trust and even strangers in the world.
And remember: non-contact is a form of self-care. If you’re the type who really wants revenge on a narcissist, remember that a narcissist needs a narcissistic supply like a vampire needs blood – and no contact will remove you (and thus their narcissistic supply, or at least one of their own). So while the narcissist is incapable of functional respect (as in the kind of respect that makes them treat you tenderly, civilly, and as an equal), leaving them in the dust while you go and live a purposefully created life do you actually love? Well, this will make them realize that not only did they lose out on the best thing that ever happened to them, but also that they underestimated you and maybe even that you are too good for them. But either way, you’ll be the one winning the relationship, much to their chagrin. You have to respect yourself first. This part is really important. When we get involved in relationships with toxic people, we often put our self-esteem on the back burner — and that’s if we have anything to begin with. See, when we’re raised by toxic people or when we suffer major childhood trauma, we learn that our self-esteem is an issue for other people. We learn that in order to receive love and validation, we need to become what others want us to be. And when we can’t become something we’re not, we lose our self-respect—but even if we can become what others want us to be, we end up putting our own desires, strengths, emotions, and talents aside in order to make those people happy. This leads to a feeling that something is “not right,” or we feel like something is “missing” from our lives. Even if we know enough ourselves to know exactly what’s missing, we don’t see a way to actually make it happen without upsetting someone — so we… don’t. It’s all wrapped up in a big ugly ball that leads us to disrespect ourselves. And when we don’t respect ourselves, we inadvertently accept unacceptable treatment from people who don’t even deserve our time. So when we start to respect ourselves, we stop accepting that behavior. How do you learn to respect yourself? It all starts with learning to accept yourself first, completely, unconditionally, as you are at any given moment. This is difficult for someone who has been abused by a narcissist because it’s so unnatural to say to yourself, “I’m okay with myself right now, in this moment, flaws and all.”
But get over it and give him a chance. Make sure you listen carefully to that little “inner voice” that’s always running in your head – your inner dialogue. And correct it when it’s wrong. Correct it when it seems less like you and more like the toxic people in your life. Journal often, and honestly. Talk about yourself kindly or at least without negativity – to yourself and others. Don’t assume that someone else’s opinion of yourself is the truth. If you’re worried about what someone else is saying, look closely and be honest with yourself – is there something you’d like to change? If not, be okay with who you are and accept that no one is perfect. It is normal and human to have imperfections. Don’t do things to get anyone else’s approval unless it’s good for you. For example, you wouldn’t want to go against your morals and ethics to please a narcissist, but let’s say you were given the opportunity to audition for a role in a movie, and it was something you wanted to do. In this case, you might make an effort to get the director’s approval, and that’s okay. See the difference? Ultimately, self-esteem starts with how you treat yourself and how you expect others to treat you. When you treat yourself to a lie, others will start doing the same. And those who won’t? They will see themselves out of your life after rushing. And maybe that’s not a bad thing!
