Narcissists are self-obsessed creatures who are completely in love with themselves. The idea of them being obsessed with anyone outside of their mind is hard to fathom.
There are several reasons why narcissists obsess over people, but at the end of the day, their motives are always self-serving.
If you’re wondering how to get a narcissist obsessed with you, I have to disclose that I don’t recommend going this route. The narcissist is unscrupulous, “selfless” and lacks any moral compass. The vast majority of people who end up involved with a narcissist come out the other side shattered into a million pieces.
Enter at your own risk!
However, out of pure interest, I have put this article together to explore obsessive narcissists and how to make a narcissist obsess over you.
Why Narcissists Become Obsessed with People
Data collection
During the “love bombing” phase, the narcissist will spend hours, days, and even weeks studying the latest object of his desire. This is where people understandably mistake the undivided attention of a narcissist for someone who is a “great listener and very attentive.”
What the narcissist is actually doing is collecting as much data as possible about his prey and storing it all safely for later use.
The narcissist’s actions go like this…
The narcissist appears as a temporary illusion of what you really want him to be.
You feel safe and quickly trust the narcissist. You open up and share all your hopes, dreams, desires, fears, and insecurities.
The narcissist stores all the information you have given him to use against you later.
Once you become addicted, the narcissist begins to erode your sense of self, gaining complete control over you.
The deeper you get into the relationship, the more you are programmed to hand over your life force to the narcissist, while becoming completely insignificant, worthless and diminished.
While the narcissist has no intention of expending a lot of energy throughout a future relationship, he or she has no problem becoming obsessed in the beginning. Their goal is to fully understand this new person so that they know how to fully control and manipulate him to achieve their own agenda.
Property
Narcissists do not view people as independent, autonomous beings with their own feelings, goals, and desires. No, for them a person is just a tool that they use to get everything they want.
The narcissist’s ego needs constant attention from the outside world to support him and validate him as truly important as he sees them. To get the desired attention, the narcissist must always be the best at everything. They need the best car, a house in a better neighborhood than their friends and family, the best looking or most successful partner, the best position at work, the most fashionable clothes and so on.
Once a narcissist sets his sights on someone to demand improvement for his own agenda, he will become possessive. In their mind, they want this person because they see that they can give them the things their ego needs, and therefore no one else is allowed to have this person.
Remember that narcissists view people as objects.
Narcissists become obsessed with people when they believe they “own” them. This also applies to narcissistic exes. In their crazy reality, if they own you once, they own you forever. They don’t want you to move on and be happy with someone else and they certainly don’t want you to move on with anyone they know. Narcissists are like little children who hate sharing. How dare someone else play with his neglected toy!
There are a lot of stories in this community of people who were stalked by their obsessive narcissistic partner who refused to let them escape their control. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that it’s because the narc loves you and misses you. They cannot afford to lose control of you and lose your supplies. That’s it.
Fear & Control
If you have gotten too close to the narcissist or he or she knows that you know who they really are under their mask, they may become obsessed with you.
For narcissists, being exposed to danger is their greatest fear. The false self, created by their ego, must be protected at all costs. Without the false self, their entire imagined reality will collapse and the narcissist will be left with nothing but everything that truly lies within. What lies at the core of the narcissist is the lowest form of shame, self-loathing, and unworthiness you can imagine. Having to sink into that hole is a fate worse than death in the eyes of the narcissist.
If they feel threatened about others telling any semblance of the truth about them, they will become obsessed with what you do, who you spend time with, and what you say to other people.
After separating from my narcissistic husband of twenty years, he became obsessed with who I was talking to, what they were asking me and what I was telling them. He clearly didn’t want me to tell any mutual friends or family any information outside of his schedule. He needed to be seen as the poor victim who had done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve to be left by his family. He would question me and want to know exactly how the conversations went, right down to “What did the other person say?” Did they ask about me? Because this is all your fault.”
When a narcissist fears exposure, he or she becomes obsessed with rewriting history and controlling the story. Don’t be surprised when you see them recruiting flying monkeys and defaming you in public. If the narcissist feels threatened by you, you become Public Enemy No. 1 and must be exterminated before you eliminate them.
Need supply
A narcissist is like an ice addict. Their whole life revolves around getting the next dose of their drug of choice, the narcissistic supply.
In short, narcissistic supply is anything that feeds the narcissistic ego – attention, admiration, validation, adulation. In order to obtain such things, the narcissist believes that he must always be the most superior person in the room, thus maintaining center stage and keeping everyone’s attention entirely on him and no one else.
Basically what this interest amounts to is life force energy. Deep down, the narc feels completely worthless, so in order to disown this despised part of themselves, their ego takes over. The ego is not an authentic aspect, it is just a false illusion. So, to maintain this illusion, it needs constant feeding.
When a narcissist runs out of their supply of narcissists, they will begin to feel like they are regressing to a lower level of themselves as their false self diminishes.
Narcissists can’t stand for this to ever happen, so they become obsessed with people who they believe will feed them the life force energy they desperately need. The more dire the situation becomes, the more obsessed the narcissist becomes about securing a new source of supply.
How to Make a Narcissist Obsessed With You
The basic premise of how to make a narcissist obsessed with you is to beat him at his own game. In fact, the way you need to deal with them and respond to them is very narcissistic, which is why I don’t recommend it.
These strategies can go in either direction for you. On the one hand, they can work and make the narcissist obsessed with you. Or it can completely backfire, with the narcissist ignoring you because you’re not giving him the exposure he’s looking for.
Here it goes…
Be physically attractive
Narcissists are completely focused on how things look and how others view them based on those appearances. If they think you’re physically attractive, they’ll want you on their arm, because you’ll make them look good. The attention that others draw to your good looks will reflect directly on the narcissist.
Since they only see you as a tool to get exposure, they don’t really care who you are on the inside. As long as you look good (like a handbag or a watch), you fit their false image.
By making yourself physically attractive, the narcissist will see how much attention you get from others and will view you as a prize they must win.
Narcissists are very competitive! Their ego constantly whispers in their ear that in order to deserve anything, they must be the best. For them, losing means being less than the dirt under their shoes. This simply cannot be allowed to happen.
How to make a narcissist obsessed with you is to create a trophy for yourself that he must win.
Make Them Jealous
Another way to make a narcissist obsessed with you is to flirt with others and make them jealous. If the narcissist decides he wants you, but sees you attracting the attention of others, his possessive trait will kick in.
In their minds, they have already decided that they want you to be their item, and thus they will feel extremely jealous when they see you flirting and interacting with others.
You’ll want to give them enough looks to make them feel like they’ve earned a shot, but subtly give the attention the narcissist craves toward other men or women.
Ultimately, the narcissist is extremely unhappy on the inside and seeks to fill this void with external things, which he believes will bring him happiness. When they see you providing that “happiness” to someone else, they will want it for themselves even more.
Ignore them completely
Narcissists are accustomed to controlling and manipulating those around them and having people fall at their feet. If you know they want you, but you completely ignore them, then you are challenging them.
Having confidence in yourself not to be needy and dependent on others is very attractive to many narcissists at first. In the future, they will still expect you to hand over your power to them, because they believe that they are the most superior, and therefore that is what they deserve.
But by ignoring them, they will see you as a victory. Winning you over and eventually ruling you is a much greater challenge for them than “easy” prey who just gives themselves up. It doesn’t mean they consider you more deserving, it’s just that they see it as a bigger win for them.
They’ll think: “I’m strong enough to let confident people feed from the palm of my hand.”
Don’t Proceed Beyond ‘Love Bombing’
During the love bombing phase, the narcissist expends a great deal of energy maintaining a façade and pretending to be the “perfect” person you are looking for. All the time, they are collecting as much information about you as possible so that they know how to painfully motivate you on the right path and extract your life force energy.
How to Make a Narcissist Obsessed with You Knowing this inside information can put you in a very powerful position.
While the narcissist idealizes you, he or she will be obsessed with you because he truly believes that you will be the one to fill his empty void with the happiness he so desperately seeks. They will take you on amazing dates, be extremely attentive, shower you with compliments and make you feel like the most special person alive.
They will be thorough throughout this initial phase, because they want to gain your trust and hook you up very quickly. The idea is that they need to secure you and put you under their command before you abandon or reject them.
They want your supplies and need to hold you in place so you can consistently deliver to them.
How to use the love bombing phase to your advantage:
Enjoy the attention they give you without you needing it
Don’t jump every time they ask
Avoid handing out any deeply personal information, and keep things light and fun
Once the narcissist thinks you’re hooked, he’ll start testing the waters with some subtle devaluation to see how you respond. If you cut back and tone down your insults, they’ll know they got you. If you laugh and counter their insulting comments with a better comment directed at them, they will know that you are not easy to manipulate and control.
How to keep a narcissist interested during the love bombing phase without falling into their favor is a very fine line. You need to give them enough attention and validation to feed their ego, but not give yourself over to them completely.
Eventually, if they can’t get past the idealization stage and hold you, they will tire of the charade and move on to a new goal. They will likely keep you on the shelf as a future supply source if necessary.
Be Elusive
Since the narcissist wants you to live and breathe him, he will want to monopolize all your time, especially during love bombing.
What the narc wants is for you to need them. They plan to mistreat you and traumatize you into believing that they are the only source of validation and security, so you will be stuck where you are and not abandon them.
To meet their expectations and make them obsessed, you don’t need to always be available. This is where their game of hot and cold behavior comes into play. We know it works, because they use it on other people all the time!
If they call or message you, wanting to catch up, instead of being free at the drop of a hat, you should be busy at least half the time. Make sure they taste what they want, then pull away and take them away at random intervals. Make it so they never know when you’ll come back to them or when you’ll be free.
The fact that you’re emotionally unavailable will make them obsessed with you and want it even more… for a while.
Be prepared for the narcissist to quickly lose interest even if he gets nowhere with you. At the end of the day, it’s always about supplying them. If you don’t provide (the supply), they will get rid of you and look for it elsewhere.
Remain Exciting
Narcissists thrive on gossip, drama, and excitement. This is what makes them feel alive, important and validated.
If the narcissist has some information (gossip) about another person up his sleeve, he will treat it as currency to use when he needs to feel truly important and in the loop.
The excitement and adventures give them a sense of superiority that their lives are so much better than everyone else’s because they get to do all these wonderful things. It makes them feel superior.
Drama provokes intense reactions and emotions in people, whether positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. The narcissist absolutely loves to feed off the life force energy that naturally occurs in dramatic situations. Whether it’s a domestic disaster, chaos at work, turmoil with those around them or turmoil in your own relationship. The drama presents a first-rate narcissistic display of the narc.
To keep the narcissist obsessed with you, fill your life with drama, gossip, excitement, and adventures and they will keep coming back for more.
Retain your independence
The narcissist aims to control your thoughts, emotions, and entire perspective on everything. They want complete control of the story and will make you question your memories and experiences.
Maintaining your independence will make the narcissist obsess over you because you are a challenge to them.
Retain your independence
The narcissist aims to control your thoughts, emotions, and entire perspective on everything. They want complete control of the story and will make you question your memories and experiences.
Maintaining your independence will make the narcissist obsess over you because you are a challenge to them.
It is important to hold tightly to your original version of events, as well as your emotions, memories, and decision-making abilities. Narcissists are adept at distorting people’s reality and making them doubt themselves without them even realizing they are doing so.
Get rid of the narcissist first
The only thing that drives a narcissist crazy is getting rid of him first. Getting rid of you at some point is a normal part of their cycle of abuse, but they don’t think you should have the power to get rid of them. Being ignored will result in an immediate blow to their ego in the form of rejection, which directly contradicts their false image of being perfect.
Getting rid of the narcissist first will completely drive him away because he is obsessed with how to get you back. At this point it is important to realize that they do not want you back because they care about you and miss you. They want to bring you back to regain a position of power, then punish and dispose of you on their own terms.
I recommend using this opportunity to not contact the narcissist and not let them back into your world.
MoveAndBeHappyWithoutThem
My favorite way to get a narcissist obsessed with you is to move on and be completely free and happy without them. Seeing how great you are without them will make them angry because they are a god-like being who is far superior to you. How can you be happy without them?
They spend their whole lives searching for a way to fill their deep, dark void with happiness, but they don’t know where to find it or how to fix it. Everything they get provides only temporary relief. Seeing you move on and be able to find your happiness without her is the biggest hit ever.
Completely blocking the narcissist and keeping him or her out of your life is a good idea at this point. Some narcissists can become very vindictive and will stop at nothing to destroy your happiness in order to make themselves feel better.
Their distorted view of reality will justify their unreasonable behaviors every step of the way as to why they are the victim and why they deserve to be punished.
It’s really confusing, but the most important thing is to protect yourself.
Why You SHOULDN’T Make a Narcissist Obsessed with You
Narcissists have been around the block more than once. They will outsmart and outsmart you more efficiently than you can imagine. Although you may think you are in control of playing the narcissist, they will expertly break through your barriers without you even realizing they are doing it!
The reason I think it is completely unhealthy to have a narcissist obsessed with you is because they are souls that have been taken over by dark energy and have no conscience.
A person who has no conscience is a very dangerous person because he does not feel remorse for anything he does. The willful desire to mess with someone who lives their life by seeking destruction is absolute self-sabotage on the grandest scale.
You may begin to enjoy playing games with the narcissist, and only then find yourself still trauma-bound and stuck in the abusive relationship years down the track!
Narcissists don’t get where they are by being second-rate players. They are master con artists who truly believe their lies. They truly believe that they are gods to be revered and that they answer to no one. Therefore, they believe (wrongly) that the rules of karmic consciousness do not apply to them, making them very dark and dangerous creatures to mess with. However, they are also adept at making others bear the weight of their karma, while they walk free to destroy the next soul.
If you really want a narcissist to be obsessed with you, it’s time to look at yourself and ask: “Why?” Are you seeking validation and approval? Are you desperately looking for revenge? Are you bored and think it would be a fun way to pass the time?
Whatever your reasons, I will always confront you with the same idea. The only thing you need to focus on (even obsess over) is your recovery.
The narcissist’s goal in our lives is to see clearly how willing we are to surrender our power to an outside source. We have learned throughout history that the love, approval, and security we seek must be found outside of ourselves. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
We all have the ability to access our true self and the Divine Creator of all that is. Narcissists are the exception here because they severed the connection with their true selves a long time ago. You cannot heal them or manipulate them into becoming anything other than what they are – a flawed half-soul.
This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with returning to ourselves. Once we learn to set healthy boundaries, take full responsibility for ourselves and not feel guilty towards those who don’t accept it, we are in full power. Once we heal our deepest traumas and bring them out of our awareness, we become our own source of love, approval, and security.
The narcissist literally becomes irrelevant and there is no way in the world you would want to lower yourself to their level in trying to get them obsessed with you. In fact, this thought is disgusting to me because I don’t want to fall for such a dark spirit again!
I hope you find this article entertaining and informative regarding the “why” and “how” behind obsessive narcissists.
Now it’s time to focus on you. Partner with yourself, engage in daily self-care and create the most beautiful, narcissism-free life you were always meant to live.
