You probably spend a great deal of time feeling defeated and frustrated by the narcissists in your life. You see how they treat others (and yourself), and it’s awful. You know what you don’t like about your relationship. But have you ever wondered how to make a narcissist miserable?
Just for the record, trying to make a narcissist miserable may have where they are for a short period, but I don’t recommend focusing on them for too long as this will inevitably take a toll on your mental health and energy levels.
But, if you need a quick fix, let’s talk about the top 12 things all narcissists hate
How to make a narcissist miserable
1 – Non-recognition
It’s no secret that most narcissists rejoice in admiration and validation (except the “closet narcissists”). They depend on constant approval to maintain their sense of intrinsic value. To achieve this goal, they absorb (or steal) other people’s energy to feel good about themselves.
Have you ever wondered why narcissists don’t care for negative attention? That’s because negative attention also fuels their narcissistic fires. Negativity is still caring, and any form of attention gives them the incentive to keep going. It gives them the motivation to continue to prove themselves.
Related :
They often like negative attention better because if you are still upset about their relationship crimes, they can exploit this to deepen their trauma bond and keep you hooked and involved!
Therefore, the lack of recognition is a real threat. For the narcissist, indifference is more of a problem than hate. They would rather you have a negative opinion than have one at all.
Narcissists can’t stand when no one is paying attention to them. They don’t know how to feel important or special if they’re not the center of the universe or consuming someone’s thoughts. This is also why the traditional Gray Rock method is often futile and why complete avoidance is the best route (or highly modified contact if you share children with them).
2 – When people talk realistically
Have you ever paid close attention to how a narcissist speaks? They use excessive, drawn-out language charged with great emotion. They distort reality to meet their worldview, and they believe their truth is always the truth.
Additionally, through the use of cognitive empathy, they have spent their entire lives observing the emotional language of others and using it to their advantage. Therefore, when you speak in facts rather than using feelings, they intuitively understand that they have less of an upper hand.
Therefore, they hate when someone challenges them with facts rather than emotion. They usually retaliate with more arguments or hysteria. This childish response simply shows that they feel out of control. They try to raise the intensity of the conversation by causing an emotional tantrum.
If anything, this dynamic only highlights the narcissist’s immaturity. Their inability to grasp facts indicates their incompetence in handling most adult interactions. They are not skilled in the language of facts because they always lie and hide things, so speaking facts throws them completely off balance.
3 – power
Narcissists hate power. This is because they resent having to answer to anyone but themselves. Any sense of power threatens their inherent desires for power and control.
It is not uncommon for narcissists to have problems at work, school, or with the law. Has the narcissist in your life had multiple careers? Are they often scolded for their behavior?
Related :
While narcissists can be intelligent, they often come across as combative and mischievous in professional settings. If confronted with inappropriate behavior, they tend to deny or rationalize their side.
Of course, it is not surprising that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists. Supervisors find it wild and unreasonable. They cannot understand why a person cannot follow basic directions without these fluctuating reactions.
4 – It was said no
Of all the things a narcissist hates, telling them no (and actually following through) tops the list. Narcissists are used to manipulating and manipulating their way to get what they want.
More often than not, they will put everything they have into action to get the job done. They have spent their entire lives attracting people to their needs. They never stop to consider how your feelings might affect the dynamic.
This is why telling them no – and sticking to your position – often causes an angry reaction. The narcissist isn’t just troubled by denial – they’re totally confused by it!
Narcissists can’t actually understand why someone would reject them. Because they lack true empathy, they cannot understand what must be going on in your mind. Moreover, even if they try to understand it, they refuse to accept this reality.
5 – Implementation of the results
Have you ever tried to set boundaries with a narcissist? How well did it go? Most likely, you’ve tried to implement a stroke, and they reacted in one of three ways:
Completely dismissing you and making light of your feelings
Admitting their mistake, promising to change, and then doing nothing to change it
Respond with extreme anger, threats, or even physical violence
Narcissists cannot accept any real consequences. They can’t see if they’re wrong, and they can’t understand how someone thinks they’re wrong. And even if the narcissist understood this, they wouldn’t care. As a result, they tend to respond disproportionately to boundaries and serious conversations as a way to scare you into compliance.
Unfortunately, many people simply give up on trying to implement consequences with narcissists. Because they want to avoid a potential conflict, they give in and ignore their feelings. How many times have I avoided setting real boundaries because that is exactly the case?
6 – loss in anything
Have you ever seen young children playing a board game? If so, you’ve likely witnessed a lot of cheating behavior and dramatic reactions to loss. It’s okay for guys to be three years old, but what happens when you refer to full-fledged adults?
Narcissists can be like little children, in that they tend to be very painful losers. They struggle with accepting loss, and they also tend to lash out when it happens. Some scenarios may occur:
They repeatedly declared the responsible person (chairman/referee) incompetent
They try to discredit or humiliate the winner
They pretend they don’t care about winning
They insist they “let the other person” shine the spotlight
They refuse to accept that they’ve lost and act awkwardly as if they’re the actual winners (you may have experienced this by hearing, after being dumped, that they told everyone they were the one who dumped you!)
7 – Public humiliation
Because they are sore losers, narcissists cannot handle real or perceived public humiliation. They just can’t stand the threat of failure. For them, public humiliation is the ultimate form of defeat.
We all know narcissists have incredibly fragile egos. When they think someone is making fun of them or if they are not the perceived expert or authority in a public place, it disturbs their presence. As a result, they will do anything to protect their fragile ego. Some common responses include:
Make violent or emotionally charged threats
Attempting to disperse the audience by turning on them
Yelling or screaming
Turn away with obvious anger
You laugh in public, only to attack your loved ones later
Making up lies about anyone who is a true expert
8 – Commitment expectations
Most narcissists are bad at commitment. Although they believe they are deserving of every sense of loyalty, they usually don’t offer it themselves. As a result, when they enter into relationships, they don’t consider the needs of others. They just take into account their own emotions, motives, and desires.
Unfortunately, many amorous partners cling to the wistful hope that their narcissists will change. They listen to how narcissists praise and adore them. They cling to fleeting promises that this time will be different.
However, the narcissist makes all the rules. They decide what they want to do, and they do it when they want to do it. Therefore, they can break the rules and change them in ways that suit them.
9- Vulnerability and emotional expression
Narcissists often use cognitive empathy to pretend to care about other people’s feelings. True, empathetic empathy means putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We deal with the feelings and experiences of the other person.
On the other hand, cognitive empathy is more deceptive and manipulative. Think of the money-hungry salesman who preys on your ambivalence about buying a new car. Think of the general contractor who convinces you that you need to upgrade your equipment.
Cognitive empathy means tapping into a person’s deepest emotions and feelings. This tactic requires initial contact. Narcissists use cognitive empathy to “enter” your vulnerability. They establish this sense of trust and familiarity by using false kindness and compassion.
At the same time, they hate vulnerability and emotional expression. They see it as a sign of weakness. Therefore, they use it to take advantage of you when your defenses are down.
