Loving someone whose main goal is only to please themselves – a narcissist – leaves you vulnerable to a deep crisis when the abusive relationship ends – not to mention a broken heart. Finding your way back to peace, freedom, and happiness afterward can be a huge challenge that feels like an impossible mountain to climb.
The truth is that with support you can find a life worth living. Reinventing courageous love after falling in love with someone dangerous takes activating self-care, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and a little ingenuity.
Start by creating a sacred space solely to nurture your body and spirit. This means letting go of negative people and inviting supportive people into your life. Uncertainty and difficulty may loom but trust in the journey. You will love your new one.
Here are 5 tips to help you reinvent courageous love after you’ve loved a narcissist in an abusive relationship:
1. Love your body.
To deal with post-traumatic stress, your body craves sugar and alcohol. Instead, choose to nourish your body with natural supplements, vitamins, and minerals to help balance your mood, reduce anxiety, and aid with sleep.
Aromatherapy may also increase relaxation (lavender) or improve mood (lemon drop). Find scents that speak to you.
Follow an anti-inflammatory diet, and if your memory is affected, eat memory-boosting foods such as leafy greens, salmon, avocado, walnuts, broccoli, turmeric, and berries.
Treat your body with weekly massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, and other alternative pain management systems.
Create a bedtime ritual to make sure you get at least 7-9 hours of sleep (your body needs that!). Engage in low-impact exercises such as nature walks, yoga, recreational bike riding, or swimming. Open yourself to the restorative qualities of nature that bring you comfort.
2. Love your heart.
Engaging in the arts and encouraging your creativity are rejuvenating. Painting, gardening, arts and crafts, decorating, and woodworking projects provide an escape and channel your imagination to relieve pain and increase calm.
Music and body movement are also therapeutic. Experience the soothing sounds of classical musical instruments or you may be drawn to playing an instrument.
Let the melodies move you and dance to the rhythm of your beating heart. Make room for self-expression and integration of body and spirit.
3. Love your mind.
Refresh your mind with the latest neuroscience (brain study) information about trauma and love. This is also a great time to blog. Your brain will release repressed memories of the trauma and you will need to record them in your writing to help you solve the puzzle.
A new perspective will emerge about the abuse you suffered. I suggest you carry a small magazine in your purse.
Find a counselor you connect with who understands narcissistic abuse. Counseling will help restore the confidence, sense of security, and self-esteem that you have lost.
4. Ask for help.
Step back from shallow and superficial relationships but practice asking for support from those who can provide it. Recruit your closest friends and family members. Create a list of at least 6 to 8 people you can reach out to regularly for guidance or support that you can cry over.
Related : Breaking Up With An Abusive Narcissist Isn’t Easy — Even For America
Join a support group to help you heal from the specific trauma you’ve experienced — whether you were a victim of sexual assault and/or fell prey to a narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath.
Also, explore divorce support groups or join a 12-step program if necessary. Find a program or group that deals with your pain compassionately. You can fully recover, but not without the love and support of others.
5. Ask for love from God.
Search and open yourself to receive divine wisdom, guidance, and love. Prayer, through constant small talk, will keep you connected to the source of love. Meditating, reading scriptures, and working with a spiritual director can bring you to spiritual truths.
A gratitude journal will help you embrace a spirit of gratitude for the good things you have and your transformational journey. Rediscovering yourself after abuse will highlight your untapped potential and redefine your life mission and vision.
My goal is to empower and educate so that you have the tools to avoid people who are incapable of expressing love as well as to support your healing journey when love and unlove collide. You are wired to love and be loved without fear!
