You will never run away from anything in your life faster than you will run away from trying to figure out how to let go of someone you love and miss every day. It interferes with your DNA and the very fibers of your being. How can you just let your house, your engine, your wheels, and your legs supply emotional Air Supply-how?
Although it is not easy, we can deal with the discovery that we need to have surgery to fix something that is physically broken. But if we are told that we need to amputate a limb immediately obviously, this is a completely different story.
We are not wired to emotionally digest having to amputate what is not only necessary to fully function daily that we are used to, but that is part of our body – both emotional and physical.
So what do you do when life suddenly gives you a diagnosis of emotional amputation?
Where is the guide for how to continue?
How do you live with a missing emotional limb? One of the parties that was necessary to get back to the house that you are now locked out of.
Just like that, you live in a colorless existence, homeless, scared, cold, and put on an endless treadmill at a speed that your heart has not yet built up strength or endurance.
Related : People who display these 15 behaviors in a relationship lack emotional maturity
Herbs do not need anything to grow. It will grow through concrete without a drop of water. Flowers need constant attention and nutrition.
The day I stopped trying to believe that one day the weeds would magically turn into Orchids, was the day I dared to uproot the weeds. Even if it means facing my fear of having an empty garden at the moment.
So, with this intention, I’m going to share a little more of my story with you.
Here’s how to let go of someone you love & miss every day…
Since I was a child, I have longed for a normal life that now, looking back, I can define as a haven; a place to call home.
I didn’t have any siblings my parents divorced when I was five years old. The thing about my parents ‘ divorce is that no matter how amicable it was in my opinion, it represented the loss of any hope for a sound stability and a “normal” Haven/home.
I felt that I had no emotional legs to pave my way with because, in my opinion, Mom and dad’s separation meant that I was flawed.
My parents both moved with their lives and got married, and no matter how amazing and how many truly incredible grandparents, exciting sponsors, and family I had around that supported and loved me, I was emotionally paralyzed. I was homeless and never felt that I had a reliable and consistent haven where my feelings were understood and my heart was at peace.
I was always with a family member or a parent and I never wanted my time with them, which was fleeting, to be marred by anything other than a satisfying, “Everything is fine!”Personality (which often involves lying – to myself and others).
Because I was always around a family that was much older than me and I didn’t have siblings at the time, I became a very old soul at a very young age. I noticed and felt on a much different level and because of this, I was told by friends, family, teachers, school counselors, and coaches that I was “too sensitive;” and that I needed to “tighten up.”After hearing this many times, I began to think that something was seriously wrong with me. I felt ashamed and guilty for wanting to express my feelings.
And so, little by little, my light dimmed.
At the age of eight, she closed.
I felt invisible; unworthy of love because I didn’t have an identity, a home, emotional “legs” to get away from toxicity, and any kind of Haven to contact me.
I was fine with being invisible because I trusted the opinions of those who made me feel that way. Therefore, I became a calm observer who longed for a home, emotional legs, and a haven that I was convinced, would come to the rescue and complete me if I was “good enough.”
Before I knew it, the concrete in that belief system had dried up and I was dating – on the fringes of my own life.
I met someone who touched my soul, allowed me to realize that I had passionate legs all the time, and was a haven of safety, peace, and ovulatory Bliss…
Until one day he went and like that we were strangers.
The breakup hit me hard, I spent the next eighteen months in that completely cold and colorless existence. I was again, without legs. I was emotionally paralyzed more than when I was a child because when I was a child, I didn’t yet know what kind of Nirvana I was experiencing.
It’s one thing to not know what something is like and agree to a status quo-based existence, but when you get a taste of the kind of heaven that makes you wonder how you ever got on before letting go and returning to that “ignorance is bliss” is impossible.
Every breakup after that was an earth-shattering one.
And because I was so scared of feeling what I knew I was going through, I was just going to bounce back to the next toxic relationship or friendship. I never really got my exes completely. Everything was just triggers, slot substitutes, and fillers.
Years later, I realized what I was doing and finally managed to put an end to that era.
Although I loved and missed her terribly, I was able to gracefully let go of toxic exes, friends, and even family members.
Related : How To Apologize To An Ex & What To Do With An Apology From An Ex
And the grace in which I was left ended up allowing me to be the one that was hard to forget.
Here’s how to let go of someone you love and miss every day…
Five achievements that changed my life:
How to let go of a person you love and miss every day-realization # 1: Decide Where to build. I realized that because I didn’t have a home, emotional legs, or sanctuary of my own, it was more painful to erase the damage and desolation in my empty land than it was to build a haven inside my partner (and gain the emotional legs I thought were missing). I built the coolest havens with my partners and based my value on the level at that they would let me into the house I built. I based my value on how far I could walk because of the legs that a construction product gave me. I shone my light on others and then marveled at their illumination.
How to let go of someone you love and miss every day-realization #2: this is why the breakup was so debilitating. The breakup was so debilitating because it was a breakup with my masterpiece Sanctuary I created inside someone else. I was left without an ID, a compass, a house, and no legs for walking. This made me throw toxic people to an unhealthy level and drained me of my strength. And because I was then, returning to that feeling of emotional homelessness that I had as a child, I retreated to the same fear, insecurity, and emotional paralysis of my eight-year-old self. There was no room for growth or development.
How to let go of a person you love and miss every realization number 3: knowledge is power. When I realized that I was building the thing that I was missing in others, I was able to see how badly I needed to build a haven and a home inside. I started building my house by digging deep into my pain. I felt every ounce of it. I wrote I cried, and the deeper I went, the stronger the sanctuary I was building at the same time. Make sure you allow yourself to feel the pain so that you can let go as it will.
How to let go of a person you love and miss every day-realization number 4: it will still hurt. Yes, loss and separation will still be painful. But if you stop trying to build an emotional home in other people, mom and/or dad (with the best intentions) deprived you of your life, you will still feel the pain of your separation. However, you will be able to disrupt this emotional regression to the paralysis of an era when conditions were established around love that should have been given to you unconditionally. You will bounce back from situations that you could not have filmed before. By creating a home for this child, you allow him to grow up and no longer look for external sources of identity, which implies construction and achievement. This does not make the pain of abandoning a loved one disappear completely, but it gets rid of despair. It puts space around the pain because now you know that you are already at home.
How to let go of a person you love and miss every day-realization number 5: everything may fall out again at some point. And that’s okay. I have spent the last few years building the coolest house and sanctuary inside it. I was taking care of all my emotional needs, and although I sometimes felt insecure and in pain, I was strong-until eight months ago and again recently. It was the perfect storm of many things that happened at once. My house came crumbling down and again, I was homeless. When I gravitated towards my old habit of building a sanctuary in someone else, I realized the most amazing thing – all these years I had been building a sanctuary, a house inside it, I had attracted and maintained relationships that not only reminded me of my still existing home frame (and the ability of emotional legs that I used to get myself up from the ground) but also celebrated and encouraged rebuilding inside (instead of exploiting my weakness to make themselves feel better).
It’s hard trying to figure out how to let go of someone you love and miss every day. But when you focus on building a house inside, you will always have the security of your place to return to. And even if this place is temporarily empty and without furniture, at least it is for you.
When learning how to stop losing a person, it is necessary to remember that if you build a house inside yourself, separation will not leave you stuck and isolated. You will never be locked out of the sanctuary that you have created.
I was born with the tools to build the most incredible sanctuary with the most physically capable legs. And you have already proven that you are the best general contractor in the building (as long as it is a toxic person’s land on which you are building).
Restore your tools, empower your innate skills, and build inside. Then you will know how to let go of a person you love and miss every day.
