Dealing with a narcissist is difficult, to say the least. Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never easy.
You take away their control. As someone who gained his power and security from being manipulated by you, he will now do everything in his power to keep you. But with the right support, you can let go and break free from their grip.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it takes an average person seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Seven attempts! Much of this is due to the fact that when a narcissist fears their partner will leave, they may use guilt, humiliation, or emotional blackmail to keep them.
Related: The Heartbreaking Reality Of Being Married To A Narcissist
If you decide to leave a narcissistic or emotionally abusive partner, you deserve a smooth, calm, and safe exit to rebuild yourself and create a new life. Here are seven things you must do to leave a relationship with a narcissist safely and peacefully.
#How to leave a narcissist
1. Do not discuss your plans to leave.
I’m never an advocate of deception or hiding things, but in any abusive relationship, being with a narcissist means you shouldn’t reveal your intentions to leave until the day you leave. This is because you don’t want to be manipulated into staying, for fear that they will do something to prevent you from leaving or hurt you.
In cases where children are involved, you should send them to their friends or family members, so they don’t witness an outburst from your partner when you tell them you’re leaving.
2. Keep important documents safe.
One thing that happened to clients I’ve worked with before was that their narcissistic partner hid their passport when they told them they were leaving. This scared one of my clients into staying, and the relationship became more volatile. Then, in a subsequent heated argument, he tore up her passport, making it more difficult for them to leave the country of which they were former nationals.
Removing your personal documents from the home before you tell your partner about your intentions to leave prevents you from being dragged back into the situation. In a worst-case scenario where you don’t have access to documents like your passport beforehand, don’t risk your life by staying. There are always alternative ways to recover it.
Related: The 7 Descents Into The Hell Of Narcissistic Abuse
3. Keep your finances in order.
One of the biggest factors that keep people in narcissistic relationships is lack of money.
In any abusive relationship, it’s a good idea to open a special bank account and put money in it every week to have money when you leave. You can also keep the money with a trusted friend who can hand over the money once you leave. Don’t let yourself feel obligated to stay because you feel like you can’t be financially secure without them. Your mental health comes at no cost.
And countless people I’ve supported find that when they make that leap, the universe opens new doors and provides paths they could never have imagined.
4. Seek professional help.
Planning to leave a narcissistic partner can be mentally exhausting. It is important to seek professional help when you can. Whether it’s before you leave or after you leave the relationship, don’t feel shy about saying you need help.
Sometimes, you need professional help to reorganize your thoughts and emotions. Narcissists break you down to your core and leave you feeling weak.
Related: Could You Be Trapped In A Narcissistic Relationship?
5. Cut off all communications.
Once you leave, the narcissist will do everything in their power to get you back. This is not just out of love or care but because they want to regain that control over you. So, the best thing you can do is to cut off all communications. Block and delete numbers and social media accounts associated with them. This prevents you from being exposed to attempts to bring you back into their lives.
Of course, this is not possible if you have children together. If you can, reach out through mutual friends or parents who would like to fill this role. You can also arrange communication through legal channels.
Again, this reduces any contact you have with them.
6. Be prepared for tantrums.
When a narcissist can’t reach you, he or she may try to slander your name to those around you, hoping to get a reaction. Instead of responding, only share your experiences with people who will support you.
Don’t be shy about asking for support by asking them not to share anything with you or pass along any messages if your ex contacts them. Don’t be shy to share what you need.
to speak. First, it will help those around you support you better. Second, you can encourage others to speak up who are in similar situations. Third, they can be prepared for a volatile or aggressive reaction from someone who may have previously portrayed themselves as an angel to their family and friends.
Related: The Heartbreaking Reality Of Being Married To A Narcissist
7. Find yourself.
When you are with a narcissist, losing yourself in the relationship and his or her narcissistic ways can be easy. Take some time to focus on yourself and find yourself again.
Find out what you love to do, learn how to love yourself again, and spend time doing activities that make you feel good about life. Make a plan for where you want to go, then take baby steps.
This is also a good time to work on your experience with a narcissist, as this can be very painful. You may find yourself experiencing symptoms of anxiety, low self-esteem, emotional eating, or PTSD. So, take time to address the things your body is trying to recover from.
Whether you decide to stay and work on your relationship with your narcissistic partner or you want to leave peacefully, it won’t be easy. However, I hope I’ve given you helpful tips for achieving either outcome.
