People with narcissism are not inherently bad people. But it can be tough yet. Here are red flags to look for.

You’ve recently started dating a charming and confident person, but you’re starting to notice a shallow and selfish side. They seem to lack any signs of empathy or weakness.

Is it possible to know if you are dating a narcissist?

Although only a mental health professional can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), if you notice that the person you’ve started dating exhibits narcissistic traits, you may want to proceed with caution.

Dating someone with narcissistic traits can be difficult and may require adjusting your expectations about what a relationship should be like.

How to spot a narcissistic person on the first date

You’re on a first date with someone exciting and fun but you’re concerned that he or she might be a bit cocky or superficial. Could your new date have narcissistic traits?

While it’s difficult to spot a potential narcissist on a first date, you may be able to spot some red flags:

Did they love bombard you? Has your date been bombarding you with emotional texts from the beginning? Love bombing — excessive, affectionate communication and gestures (compliments, gifts, etc.) at the beginning of a romantic relationship — is usually done by narcissists to gain power and control over you.

In fact, research suggests that love bombing may be a necessary strategy for romantic relationships among people with high narcissistic traits and low levels of self-esteem. Of course, people who are not narcissistic can also have love bombs, but this is usually because they really like you and because they are trying to control you.

Pay attention to conversations. Do their conversations tend to revolve only around their interests? Do their eyes light up when you start talking? Do they seem to focus more on material things like cars or nice shoes?

How do they treat others? Narcissists can be indifferent or even rude toward people they believe are “less than them.” Pay attention if your companion complains a lot or gets angry with the waiter over small things. Do they enjoy making the waiter feel uncomfortable?

Do they have an excessive need for attention and validation? Do they seem overly concerned with their appearance? Do they constantly look around to see who is looking at them?

Do they never become vulnerable? Does your date focus only on all of their accomplishments and successes? Do they avoid personal questions? Are they focused on making you vulnerable instead?

Did you catch them lying? Look for lies, games, and any manipulative tactics. They may have told you that they haven’t had any contact with their ex, but in the middle of your date, they get a call from their ex.

Do you like them less as the night goes on? Research suggests that narcissists tend to make a great first impression due to their self-confidence, but this impression tends to decline over time due to a lack of true connection and depth.

Red flags for Group B

Narcissistic personality disorder is classified as a Cluster B personality disorder. Disorders in this group are defined by dramatic and erratic feelings and behaviors.

Other Cluster B disorders include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder. People with these disorders often have overlapping symptoms with other disorders.

Red flags for Cluster B disorders may include:

• Unstable relationships
• Easily aroused/volatile emotions
• Focus obsessively on appearance
• Engages in inappropriate behaviors to get praise or attention
• Easily influenced by others
• Thinking relationships are closer or more intimate than they actually are
• Unable to control anger
• He manipulates others
• Difficulty maintaining long-term relationships
• Acts irresponsibly
• Lacks guilt
• Feelings of emptiness
• Lack of self-reflection