Narcissists are very attractive beings who can attract you on a first date. Since they are such masterful manipulators, it can be difficult to realize that they may have actually hooked you up. Here are some possible red flags to know if you are really dating a narcissist.
Are you dating a narcissist?
You will not realize that you are dating a narcissist. Narcissists are skilled at making people like themselves. They can be very alluring, charming and sexy to date. In fact, in one study, it took seven meetings for people to see through their veneer of love. In a dating situation, the narcissist has a greater incentive to win you over — unfortunately, sometimes all the way to the altar.
Narcissists are often physically attractive, charismatic, and attractive. We are drawn to their intelligence, entertaining personality, special talents, or professional success. Their company can be fun and never boring.
dating game
Although some narcissists seek long-term relationships, others are expert game players. For them, “the chase is better than the catch.” Their goal is to get a crush and satisfy their sexual needs with little emotional investment.
Relationships are transactional and work for them as long as they get their narcissistic supply. The closer you get, the more quirks they get. They want to open up their options with multiple sources to meet their endless sourcing needs. They screen out other prospects and flirt right in front of you!
Although narcissists lack empathy, they do possess emotional intelligence that helps them perceive, express, understand, and manage emotions. This enhances their experience as manipulators. They are skilled at deception to achieve their goals, sometimes consciously, but other times, it’s just their style.
They may even think they are loyal. Although they are actually self-centered and emotionally unavailable, at first they can be generous and good listeners. They may appear to be at risk by sharing personal and intimate information. This is the tactic of their seduction strategy. Flirtation, flattery, and subtlety are among their manipulative tactics.
Narcissistic women are flirtatious and can charm men with their beauty and sex appeal. Then they play a game of cat and mouse, make them jealous, or act carelessly to hook men into chasing after them. Male narcissists often seduce with lavish gifts, fine food, and an elegant lifestyle. Some narcissists practice love bombing and shower their partners with verbal, physical, and physical expressions of “love” that are hard to resist.
In a normal relationship, you get closer over several months or years. But when it comes to a narcissist, one of the biggest red flags at the beginning of a relationship is his blatant desire to move quickly.
Read : How Your Emotional Thinking Excuses The Narcissist’s Toxicity
Dating is about the narcissist
It is natural to idealize our partner in the romantic phase of a relationship. Unfortunately, for those of us who are lonely, depressed, or self-reliant, idealism can fuel our denial of red flags that should be warning us not to put on the brakes.
It is also normal when in love to want to spend a lot of time with our partner. We might appreciate a man who plans a great evening out or a woman who knows what she wants and is a pleasure to keep up with.
We don’t notice that the relationship is developing on the narcissist’s terms. While we seek to satisfy, compromise is a painful loss of strength.
Read : 10 Unexpected Things To Expect After Leaving A Toxic Relationship
If we complain, they may act offended and say they are doing everything for us, but don’t even bother to ask what we want. They love to be in control, and before we know it, we’ve let them control when, where, what we do, and with whom.
How do you know if you are dating a narcissist
At first, we keep working for the sake of being together, but later out of fear. This is especially risky for codependents who easily abandon themselves, their friends, and their activities in new relationships.
The dependent behavior resulting from natural dependence does not contest the narcissist’s decisions and opinions. In the early stages of dating, we may not express anything that could negatively affect the relationship so as not to affect the relationship.
When we hesitate to disagree and not express disappointment, annoyance, or hurt feelings, we gradually fade away and, like Echo, we only echo what the narcissist thinks and wants to hear. We don’t let him or her know the negative impact of their behavior. So they have no incentive to change.
Accommodating narcissists feeds their supply and makes the codependent narcissist and the narcissist a perfect match.
What are you looking for
Of course, it is their positive rather than negative qualities that make us fall in love, but if we want to date someone with narcissistic personality disorder, they cannot hide their true colors for long. Some narcissists openly admit that they have difficulty with relationships or intimacy. Believed them.
Even clients who say their wives completely changed after the wedding admit there were telltale signs early on, once they learned more about narcissism and themselves. For example, narcissists often come off as aggressive. They work hard to get you to love them in order to meet their needs rather than build a relationship based on knowing you, which is not interesting to them.
It is common for narcissists to explode with anger. A small quarrel can quickly erupt into a major conflict.
They will not take responsibility. Everything is someone else’s fault, and that includes us. But even if they treat you great, notice if they denigrate their ex, act right, act inconsiderately, manipulate, or insult others. Assume that one day you will be on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse. Don’t justify bad behavior towards yourself or others. It’s a pattern.
Read : Why You Are The Real Problem In Your Relationship, Not Your Partner
At the start of dating narcissists, we are fascinated by hearing about their accomplishments, listening to their stories, and their entertaining banter. This is also how narcissists raise their status in their eyes and our eyes.
As time goes by, it’s clear that the conversation revolves entirely around them. Being a good listener is an advantage, but with a narcissist, it ensures that we are not heard or seen. Some narcissists are dogmatic to maintain superiority.
They should always be right and not listen to a dissenting opinion. If we’re honest with ourselves, they won’t seem interested in us, except long enough to satisfy their sexual and emotional needs. Notice if you feel left out, unnoticed, loved, or drained from the conversation.
When the narcissist cannot maintain a superior status through charm and ostentation, or if we complain, the narcissist will devalue us to feel superior. They find fault with us or tell us how we should behave, dress, eat, or change in some way. Perfectionist narcissists are the toughest.
For example, a narcissistic woman might try to change her husband’s appearance by telling him how to dress. The narcissistic male may focus on his girlfriend’s physical appearance. If we express hurt, narcissists will say they are being helpful or that we are too sensitive.
At first, we may dismiss criticism, especially if it was delivered annoyingly or quietly and we’ve been abused in the past or have low self-esteem. Over time, the insulting remarks will become more frequent, overt, and harsh.
When controlling is intense, narcissists may question us about our relationships and other conversations with family, therapist, and friends. They may insist that we dress and act a certain way and try to limit our communication and activities.
A true narcissist lacks empathy. We end up feeling like we don’t matter and that our needs and feelings don’t matter. If we share something sad or important with us, and our partner does not show appropriate emotional responses, this may indicate a lack of empathy.
Relationships with narcissists are challenging for codependents because symptoms of codependency present obstacles to recognizing these warning signs. There are many reasons why we love our abuser and find it hard to leave.
This may be because an abusive parent or a narcissistic mother or father did not appreciate our needs and feelings. Codependency therapy will help us change these relationship dynamics so that we can receive true love.
