Have things seem to have settled down in your troubled relationship? Is the narcissist done with their awful, hateful tricks? Can you finally move on and heal? How do you know if a narcissist is done with you?

If you feel stuck in a vicious cycle of narcissistic abuse, it’s hard to discern when a narcissist has progressed forever. It may feel like they’re over, only for them to keep popping up again when you least expect it. You may feel like a prostitute, at the mercy of whatever they want you to do.

So, how do you know it’s over? And is it something you can even control?

When does a narcissist end up with someone?

Narcissists need more attention and validation. When people no longer meet these needs, the narcissist will often react by:

Becoming overly demanding, hostile, or even violent.
Throw emotional tantrums.
Fake or exaggerate emotional or physical distress to try to drive you back to it.
Gaslighting to believe their truth.
Love bombing (trying to win you over with affection and love).
Pretend to ignore you completely.
tarnish you by rallying others against you.
Dismiss you (trying to convince you of how wrong you are).
Narcissists don’t play by normal relationship rules. They play by the rules that make the most sense to them, and those rules can change at any moment.

Moreover, most narcissists will make you sincerely believe that they are done with you during their destructive performance. However, you can never reach closure because they always find a reason to come back into your life.

Do Narcissists Return to Relationships?

In short answer, yes. Most of the time.

And if you’ve been with a narcissist, you may already know this answer. You may well know everything. You may have experienced the chaotic whirlwind of a stop-and-go relationship. You also know what it’s like to get confused about their intentions and motivations.

Let’s be real. They’re back because they’re worried, because they’re lonely, or because it’s Tuesday. They come back because someone else isn’t giving them the attention they think they deserve. Or, when they need to give the new supply the silent “good first” treatment. They come back using whatever reason works for them.

They usually spin their thinking in a way that tries to flatter you.

Narcissists get back into relationships because they need people to feel validated. The moment they feel a lack of validation, they resort to extreme measures to regain that need. They also need people to fill their emotional punching bags.

So, if you keep giving them attention, they will keep coming back. It doesn’t matter if the interest is negative. In some ways, even negative attention can be pleasurable. It gives them more of an excuse to cling to you.

Narcissists do not view negative attention as a bad thing. Instead, he gives them ammo. They know how to spin it, exploit it and ultimately use it against you. It may happen so quickly that you don’t even realize it’s happening.

What are the signs a narcissist has done you wrong?

If you type this question into a search engine, you will stumble upon many thoughtful responses. You’ll read about how they stop talking to you or ghost you completely. You may come across some stories of narcissists replacing you with someone else.

At first glance, these answers may seem promising. But here’s the problem with these antidotes: Most of them aren’t helpful. Because most of them don’t deal with the dark nature of narcissistic behavior.

The only real indication that a narcissist is done is when you don’t leave a crack open for him to make his way through. Narcissists rarely let go of people — at least not in the traditional sense of the word.

Even if they seem to have moved on with someone or something else, they still want power and control over you. They still want to know you’ll come running back any minute.

How often will the narcissist return?

They will come back to you as many times as they want if you allow it.

Even after months (or sometimes years) of no contact, many narcissists will test the loyalty of the offer over and over again. In other words, they want to lure you back into the drama. They need to regain their strong, superior identity, and this need keeps them coming back for more and more.

Narcissists do not have their own identity. They create fantasies of who they are and rely on other people to enable that fantasy. When this fantasy feels threatened, they do everything they can to restore their balance.

Of course, this pattern can be incredibly confusing. Narcissists may make a dramatic scene about how they treat you forever – only to creep back pathetically at any moment.

You may find yourself feeling flattered or special with this type of treatment. The narcissist knows this because they understand the concept of cognitive empathy. Thus, they will know how to lure you back into the dangerous circle by:

They bombard you with a fake apology for their behavior.

Make empty promises of change.

Declaring their willingness to give you something you want (marriage, baby, new home, etc.)
Trying to convince you that nobody wants you.
Pretend as if the breakup didn’t happen.
Rallying others to convince you why you should give them another chance.

What happens when a narcissist can’t control you?

Once a narcissist can no longer control you, they lose almost all of their power. And suddenly, they look no different from the naughty kid throwing a tantrum on the playground. Their extreme behavior may seem funny, although they also feel frustrated, confused, and embarrassed.

Keep in mind that you need to change if you want the narcissist to stop controlling you. They will make a lot of promises and half-hearted attempts at change.

None of these efforts can be sustainable in the long term. Narcissists are not interested in making you happy. They are interested in keeping themselves happy. If you bring them happiness for a while, they may shower you with illusions of affection, love, and kindness. But the moment their feelings change, it feels like an unexpected war.

What narcissists don’t want you to know

First and foremost, narcissists don’t want you to know exactly how much they depend on you for survival. This is why they often act aloof, uninterested, or even angry most of the time. All this is a cover-up to hide their blatant fears. But don’t start believing that you can be a hero and show them the reasons why they don’t need to feel insecure. No one has ever succeeded in converting a narcissist after trying to be their hero. Just ask anyone who has tried.

Narcissists engage in all kinds of manipulative tactics to keep you engaged and hopeless. They count on the trauma of betrayal to keep you in chains. Just as they know how to make you feel guilty and ashamed, they also know how to make you feel flattered and loved. During these times, it’s important to remember that just because someone is being nice doesn’t mean they are being genuine, especially if there is a history of emotional abuse and manipulation.

They don’t want you to know your self-worth
Narcissists don’t want you to know your self-worth. They don’t want you to realize that you can do better than they can.

This is why they often put you down, mock your victories, or even sabotage your success. They cannot bear the thought of life without them.

Narcissists do not see people as real people with feelings and thoughts. They see them as objects designed to meet their needs. They want you to see yourself that way, too.

They don’t want you to know that they desperately need their supply
Narcissists are never truly satisfied. Their souls often feel a deep emptiness, which is why they abuse people to fill this endless emptiness.

The narcissistic presentation comes in many forms, including:

Achievements and win.
Attention (the most common form of narcissistic supply)
Feeling powerful and superior to others
Feeling of power
emotional energy
sex
Compliments, praise, and flattery
Chances of demolishing people emotionally
The more you fill out this offer, the more they will depend on you for a fix. Most narcissistic relationships revolve through a pattern of love bombing, devaluation, perceived ostracism, and resentment. This pattern tends to persist as long as people are in a relationship with them.

They don’t want you to know that they don’t know how to say goodbye

Narcissists don’t know how to finish you. Of course, they will never let you in on this secret. Instead, they will convince you that they never needed you in the first place. They seem to move on to the next relationship with ease. They will act as if you never existed, or they will slander you to your family and friends.

But make no mistake: they need you much more than you ever did. Their inability to give or accept closure reinforces this reality. However, it is important to understand that the narcissist’s “needs you” does not imply any feelings of love and devotion on his part. They need you so they can unleash their deepest abuse on you. They can’t do that to many other people they know.

Think of it as a criminal giving a pacifier to a child before committing an unspeakable act.