Some people, including myself, live lives filled with narcissists. Friends, romantic relationships, family, coworkers, you name it. And when a narcissist leaves your life, a new one takes their place.

It’s no coincidence that some people attract narcissists, while others never deal with them.

If you keep attracting narcissists, there are probably reasons for that. Once you recognize who they are, you can make the necessary changes.

In this article, I’ll discuss several methods for removing narcissists from your life. But first, let’s start with what narcissists want. Because if you provide that, you’re a prime target…

What Narcissists Want

First, here’s what narcissists don’t want—equal, mutually beneficial relationships. Keep that in mind. Now, here’s what they do want…

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Narcissists want a narcissistic source. This includes attention, admiration, validation, and being treated well—to feel special. They often rely on their close relationships to provide this.

Narcissists suffer from a pathological need for a narcissistic source. To the point that obtaining it is their life’s mission, it trumps almost every other need.

Narcissism is a shame-based disorder. They feel so ashamed that they detach themselves from themselves. They live through an outward false self, one who is as intelligent as they wish they were.

This false self needs near-constant reassurance because, deep down, they know it’s an act. So, they recruit people to help shore up their shaky self-esteem and help them delude themselves into believing they’re great.

Without attention and validation, most narcissists crumble. They need people to distract them from their weaknesses and prove to them how superior they are.

Narcissists need to be elevated. Treat people like royalty. If you give them a lot of attention and special treatment, you’re a narcissist’s dream.

So, don’t over-indulge. And don’t appreciate them enough. Because narcissists see that, and they come to you in droves. Yes, you can be nice, but don’t be overly nice.

Don’t Be Available For Narcissists

Most narcissists struggle with more than an hour alone. So, when a slot opens up in their schedule, they have to fill it quickly.

Narcissists love relationships where the other person suddenly drops everything to spend time with them. This makes them feel safe knowing they don’t need to spend a single minute alone. It also makes them feel special. So, if you’re the type of person who drops everything when someone calls, you’re likely a magnet for narcissists.

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Narcissists spend their lives moving from one person to another until they find the qualities that fulfill their desires. Constant availability is a highly desirable quality.

So, if you want to minimize the number of narcissists in your life, don’t be that person. Don’t always answer the phone or the door just because someone wants you. Don’t automatically drop everything just because someone wants to spend time with you. Do things on your terms, not just theirs. And keep others waiting if you’re busy.

Once a narcissist realizes you’re not always available, they’re more likely to find someone who is. And you’ll be left alone.

Avoid Social Media

Social media is a hunting ground for narcissists. They find new sources of income. Or they rebuild their old ones.

In human history, there have never been more opportunities to find a livelihood. All from the comfort of your own home.

Narcissists from your past can check what you’re doing. See if you’re single. Assess your vulnerability. See if you have anything they need.

New narcissists can do the same. Learn your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, and use this information against you.

Narcissists are interested in conserving energy and finding easy prey. Social media is great for this; they can browse hundreds of profiles in minutes without moving an inch.

A limited social presence keeps narcissists guessing. It reduces the amount of personal information available to the public, making them work harder, with less ammunition to use against you.

Narcissists who conserve energy are more likely to ignore you if you have a limited social presence. They will instead focus on easier prey, sharing their lives online.

Limiting your social media use allows you to ignore toxic people more easily. Because you’re less present, you’re more likely to miss their messages. And they’ll quickly abandon you.

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On busy social media accounts, not responding is a response. It’s clear you’re ignoring them, which can trigger some narcissists. But not responding from a simple profile is like talking to a brick wall. They’ll quickly give up.

Speak Up For Yourself!

Most narcissists need to be the center of attention all the time. So they create situations to achieve that.

They may create “problems” so they can talk at length about themselves. They never ask about you. They dominate conversations so you don’t get involved in theirs.

Narcissists hate it when people talk about themselves and the things that matter to them. That’s their job. Even if they do 90% of the talking, they’re still not satisfied.

So make sure you include yourself in conversations, and the things that matter to you. Because if you allow people to constantly talk about themselves, you’re likely to attract narcissists. They love nothing more than talking to someone—while they passively listen.

Learn To Do Things Alone

Sometimes we give in to toxic people because of loneliness. We let them into our lives when there isn’t much going on. But that doesn’t have to be the case.

Loneliness is often actually boredom. Boredom is often exacerbated by the inability to do things on your own. If you sit within four walls, day after day, you’re bound to feel bored.

So, get used to doing things on your own. Go to the gym. Visit a coffee shop. Go for a walk. Whatever you love to do, do it. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll quickly get used to it. There are many benefits to doing things on your own.

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When you’re alone, you decide where you go, how long you stay, and what you do. No one dictates to you, so your time is entirely yours.

Doing things on your own gives you tremendous power. Because you don’t need anyone, it allows you to be more careful about who you let into your life.

Narcissists feel this independence. They’re likely to give you a wide berth. They know you’re harder to control than most people.

Final_Thoughts

Choose your friends wisely. Don’t let anyone force their way into your life. Remember, it’s your life, and you have the right to choose who’s in it.

Set high boundaries. Don’t be too available. Don’t be a people-pleaser. This scares most narcissists away, as they usually want an easy life.

You don’t have to be mean to keep narcissists out of your life. But don’t be weak either, as narcissists can smell a desire to please from afar.

Good people don’t want weak people. They want equal, mutually beneficial relationships. So don’t worry about people not liking you for setting boundaries. The right people will.

Over time, this changes, weeding out the bad and leaving the good. This increases the number of compassionate people in your life. And that’s what you deserve. You’re capable of it.