A gaslighting narcissist is someone with narcissistic personality disorder who uses gaslighting as a form of control and manipulation.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse that can make you question reality or feel confused. Over time, this can lead to low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and other negative effects.
If you suffer from gaslighting, a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may use this tactic as a way to cast doubt on you and gain an advantage in an argument.
In addition, a person who has not been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, but displays narcissistic traits, may also engage in gaslighting behaviors. Understanding how to recognize the signs of a manipulative narcissist may help you cope and find reliable support.
What is narcissistic gaslighting?
Narcissistic gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that a person with narcissistic personality disorder may use to gain power and control over another person. This type of abuse can leave those subjected to gaslighting wondering:
feelings
Mental health
Special instincts
Traits of a gaslighting narcissist
Many people can show signs of narcissism without being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
To be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a person needs to exhibit at least five of the following characteristics:
Preoccupied with fantasies of power, intelligence, success, beauty, or ideal love
Has a great sense of self-importance, such as exaggerating accomplishments or expecting recognition as superior without completing the accomplishment
It requires excessive admiration
- Lack of empathy and unwillingness to recognize the needs of others
Believes they are “special” and can only be understood by other special people or should only be associated with them
Envy others or believe that others envy them
Displays arrogant or arrogant attitudes and behaviors
Has a sense of entitlement, such as conforming to his or her expectations or an unreasonable expectation of preferential treatment
Takes advantage of others to achieve his own goals or is exploitative
A person with BPD may not engage in physically abusive behavior, but they may be emotionally abusive to get their needs met. Highlighting a local partner may meet needs such as:
- get their way
- Feel special
- Feeling powerful over the other person
Examples of narcissistic gaslighting
Gaslighting can take many forms. Some common types include:
- Control
Confrontation occurs when your abuser questions your memories even when you are sure you remember them correctly.
Example: “Your memory is always bad, I never told you that.”
- Blocking
Blocking is a way in which the abuser does not listen to you or pretends not to understand what you are saying.
For example: “I don’t want to talk to you about this again.”
- Blocking or transfer
Blocking or diversion occurs when the abuser questions your ideas or changes the subject to avoid talking about a topic anymore.
For example: “It doesn’t seem like anything is going to happen. Are you sure you didn’t imagine the whole thing?” Or “It’s too late, let’s not talk about this now.”
- Forgetting or denial
Another common gaslighting tactic is to “forget” what happened or deny things, such as promises they made or something they said.
For example: “I don’t remember any of this.” Or “You’re just making things up to make me look bad again.”
- Intermittent reinforcement
Intermittent reinforcement describes a cycle of giving you affirmation at one time and then making you feel small or bad about yourself at another time. An abuser may make you look forward to the times he will affirm you while most of the time he treats you poorly.
Example: “You’re really beautiful!” “You wear too much makeup. You look like trash when you wear that much.”
- Underestimation
Minimizing involves making your feelings or opinions seem unimportant or irrelevant.
For example: “It was just a joke, don’t be so sensitive.” Or “Really? You’re that angry over nothing!”
- Blatant lies
Your abuser may lie to your face without showing any signs of doing so. Over time, this may make you wonder if anything they say is true.
How to recognize narcissistic gaslighting
Narcissistic manipulation can be difficult to recognize, especially if you live with a partner who uses it against you.
One way to help you determine if you, a friend, or a family member is experiencing gaslighting is to look for signs in yourself or others that may indicate this type of abuse.
Some signs to think about include:
Questioning whether you are too sensitive or insecure
You have difficulty making simple decisions
Constantly second guess yourself
Becomes more withdrawn or unsociable
Defending the behavior of the aggressor
feeling confused
Feeling worthless, unhappy, incompetent, or hopeless
Constant apology to your attacker
Lying to friends or family about your relationship
Experiencing or noticing any of these signs does not necessarily mean that your partner is abusing you. But if you find that you identify with one or more, you may want to try talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or family member.
They may be able to provide additional insight into what’s going on and help you figure out ways to deal with it.
