Toxic people can be very toxic at times, and it can be a real challenge to heal from the harsh words of a toxic person. They don’t care about anyone’s feelings and always say things without thinking about the effect their words might have on you. To heal from a toxic person, especially the toxic person’s harsh words, you will need to love yourself a lot.

It was the perfect day.

My husband and I spent the day with our children walking in the park. We’re joined by close friends from out of town who we haven’t seen in years.

The weather was great. Our kids were laughing. Everything felt so peaceful and happy.

After we said goodbye to our friends we went to an early dinner. We found a restaurant we liked that allowed our dog to sit outside with us. The perfect end to our perfect day.

until she showed up…

An old woman walked by and sat down at the table next to us. I told the waitress she wouldn’t order anything, she was just resting. There was something strange about her, her eyes were ice cold. I wondered if she was homeless.

As she sat there, she started staring at us sinisterly.

Before we knew it, she started yelling at us. Calling us “disgusting pigs” and making comments to the waiting staff about my dog.

She continued to harass my family and even got up and approached our table yelling all sorts of nasty things at us, most of which were directed directly at me. Given our blended family, I couldn’t help but wonder if her comments were racially motivated.

I felt every cell in my body filled with anger. Who was this obnoxious woman who was ruining our dinner and who dared act like that in front of little kids?

I wanted to shout a few choice words at her but my kids were there. I felt a lot of pressure to protect them and set a good example for them in how to handle confrontations. But honestly, I had no idea what to do…

I finally told her that if she didn’t move away from our table, I would call the police.

She replies “Good, call them so I can tell them what a disgusting pig you are!” She waves a crooked finger at me. I said ok. She called 911.

Meanwhile, the manager was trying to get her out of the restaurant, but she refused to leave and just kept standing there yelling at us. When she finally heard me on the phone with the police, she quickly walked away. A real coward.

By the time the police came, she was gone. They reported that they had received several calls about a cranky old lady in the neighborhood bothering people.

Now, I knew that this woman was crazy, but as a sensitive person, I am deeply affected by other people’s energies and words, and her poison was completely consumed by her. Every cell of my body felt angry, vibrating, and angry. It felt like our entire day was ruined by this ten-minute ordeal.

And I had a creepy feeling that maybe, somehow, I deserved such abuse…

The choice that you have to make

A few minutes after the police had left, an old gentleman walked by our table while we were still trying to collect ourselves. He looked at us with our little children on our lap, and the dog at our side, and said:

“Enjoy guys, these are the best years of your life…”

His expression was very gentle, and his simple words were full of truth and love.

It was as if, in just a few minutes, we received messages from the darkest and brightest sides of humanity, and it was up to us to choose which side we internalized.

I desperately wanted to accept the wise old man’s letter, but it was the mean old lady whose words completely hit me. I could hardly think of what that man had said, let alone come to my daughters. This is what frustrated me the most.

I was determined not to let this woman win the war for my ideas, so I did everything I could to work through the experience and pull my ideas out of her icy grasp.

If I have ever been subjected to the harsh and toxic words of a toxic person, here are some things that have helped me heal and control my thoughts.

7 tips for healing after the harsh words of a toxic person

Don’t believe a lie
The words of that cruel woman had no sincerity. She didn’t know me or my family. But when someone tells you how disgusting or stupid or fat or whatever you are, even if it’s a complete freak, there’s a small part of you that allows those words to creep into your real self.

Fight against those lies, don’t believe them. You can define your truth. You can choose which words you open yourself up to and which ones you close the door on. To get over this experience, I struggled hard to make the words from the wise old man their reality.

Seek the love you need
After all the noise the woman was screaming at us, I needed the silence of a quiet embrace. So I asked my husband to hug me so I could feel grounded. At that moment I knew I needed his presence, his love, and his comfort more than I needed words.

Use the healing power of nature
Poisonous words are so toxic, that it’s hard to get them out of your mind. After that ordeal, I was having trouble being there for my girls, so after we got home, I took a walk through the woods with my dog.

I could feel the cells relaxing with every rustle of wind in the trees. When negativity consumes you, nature is always there to show you how subtle and beautiful the world can be. He will bring you back.

Find sympathy for your attacker
At first, I hated this woman, she seemed so evil. But then I thought of a different perspective. Maybe she had dementia or some other mental illness. The ugliness that came out of her mouth more likely reflected this disease, than true evil.

Perhaps this woman, despite her cruelty, needed my sympathy. Once I took that perspective, I no longer felt like a victim. No matter your attacker, finding a compassionate view of their struggles can uplift and strengthen you.

Take your time
It can take a long time to recover from toxic words. Trying to rush in or bury the feelings they stirred up only makes the poison run deeper. Take the time you need to process things and heal. However long it takes, it will be worth it.

I have two little girls who depend on me to guide the best of me, no matter what life has thrown at me. I needed to ask for hugs, go ahead with the walk and take the time to heal, so I could come to them, fully present, as they deserved.

Choose your focus
Once I calmed down and no longer felt that woman’s words were pulling me into their grip, the wise old man’s words took center stage. And they still do today.

Every time I feel exhausted, skinny, or run down as a mom (which is often!), I remind myself that these are the best years of my life ever, just as his kind words promised.

Move forward with love
We all hear terrible words. We all experience terrible things. We all struggle with difficult relationships. But we always have a choice.

We can choose to internalize someone’s toxic words or actions as a reflection of our self-worth, or we can fight hard for ourselves. We can choose our truth, ask for what we need, and find a deeper compassion for both those who have wronged us and ourselves.

Whose words do you think are based on lies, manipulation, condescension, or lack thereof?

Whose words say you’re not good enough? Perhaps the harsh words will come from yourself.

How can you fight so hard for yourself and your well-being? How do you separate yourself from the harsh words and find your truth?

Perhaps most difficult of all, how can you find compassion for the person who is hurting you and more compassion for yourself?

And how do you honor those who need you and your love by living in a valuable place?

I will be forever grateful to that wise old man who blessed us with his innocently kind words, never realizing the horrible experience we have just had. His serendipitous kindness showed me that no matter what, there’s always an option. We can either believe things that make us feel small, or we can fight mightily with ourselves and our worth.

I hope you always choose to fight for yourself. No matter where you are in life, or what you’ve been through in the past, you deserve it.

The choice that you have to make

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