The “no contact” rule for leaving a narcissist means exactly what it says!

No contact, no emails, no texting, no late night phone calls, no proxy calls, no contact (through friends or family), no stalking on Facebook or a favorite place, no leaving notes on their car or apartment door, no texting… nothing. It’s a lot harder than it sounds.

It’s going to be hard because after a breakup, you want closure. You want to be heard, you want them to know the pain they caused – but they will never listen, and even if they do, they don’t understand.

That’s the beauty of “no contact.” You’re finally saying “no more.” It’s your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear, like you’re screaming.

No contact is pure denial and the ultimate revenge. It’s empowerment.

It’s your last word. It’s your closure. It’s one of the most painful narcissistic injuries you can inflict.

They’ve finally realized that you know who and what they are.

They know their tricks no longer work on you… and they know you are no longer a pawn in their game. You are no longer their victim.

Tips to help you commit to no contact:

Settle all important business before you go no contact. This means business only… no personal exchanges.

Keep them in a room where you will see them throughout the day, and read them often to remind you of them.

21 Rules for No Contact with a Narcissist

1. To preserve my sanity and end this relationship with the narcissist completely, I must maintain no contact.
2. No contact includes all forms of contact with him/her.

2a. This also includes not asking my friends/family about him/her and not allowing friends/family to tell me about him/her.

Related : How Long Does it Take For a Narcissist to Show Their True Colors?

If necessary, I will cut off contact with any friends or family members who try to convince me to end no contact.

3. I will not email him/her. I will not respond to their emails. If he/she emails me, I will delete the message without reading or responding. I will block him/her.
4. I will not call him/her. I will not answer their calls. If he/she calls me, I will immediately hang up, or not answer the phone at all.

If necessary, I will block him/her and change my number to an unlisted number (and will not give it to anyone who might pass it on to him/her).

5. I will not send him/her letters, cards for any occasion, or notes of any kind.

Any flowers, mail, or packages they send me will be refused or marked “Delivery Refused” and returned to the mail unopened. (Keep important documents and anything that could be used as evidence of stalking or harassment)

6. I will not text, email, fax, or call him/her. If he/she texts me or faxes me.

I will delete the message or phone number and will not listen to the message or return his call.

8. If he leaves me a voice message or an answering machine message, I will delete it without listening to it. (Anything he says is to get me back into his crazy web.)
9. I will not check his Facebook/Tumblr/LinkedIn etc. accounts, I will block them.

I will delete his name and number from my phones. I will delete his email addresses.

I will delete him/her from MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, LinkedIn, and any other site I am currently connected to.

10. If he/she sends me a card, letter, or note of any kind, I will throw it in the trash without opening or reading it, or write “Delivery Denied” and put it in the nearest mailbox without reading or opening it.

(Keep important documents and anything that could be used as evidence of stalking or harassment)

12. If I ever feel the urge to do anything listed from 1 to 10, I will immediately call my therapist or a friend and talk about it.

Or replace the fantasy of a hoped-for reunion (or the toxic hope that they will “understand” and “change”) with vivid memories of a time when he/she humiliated me,

Related :! Dealing With a Sadistic Narcissist – A Look Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist

manipulated me, insulted me, blamed me, abused me, took advantage of me, belittled me, made me cry, used my children, friends, or family to humiliate me, or embarrassed me in front of my coworkers, family, or friends.

13. If I feel like I’m about to reach for the phone to call, write, email, or fax him/her,

I will count to ten and ask myself clearly and silently, Why am I doing this? What do I think is really going to happen?

14. If friends, family, or clergy do not support my efforts to distance myself from this relationship,

I will not discuss my personal life with them and I will strongly ask them not to offer their opinions. My decisions about this matter are my own.

15. If I find that the desire to talk to or see him/her overwhelms me and I go off track,

I promise to be kind to myself and patient with the situation, then I immediately return to no contact.

16. No “casual” meetings (if I can avoid them). I will change my routine,

go to the gym at a different time or on different days, find an alternative sports bar, or go to a different grocery store.

Yes, it’s unfair that I have to change my lifestyle right now, but time and distance are how I will recover.

Alternatively, even if I have to have my best friend lock me in my apartment/house,

I won’t go to places where I know he/she is likely to be. (Even if you think you’re doing this to show how happy you are right now, this will backfire on you. Don’t do it!)

17. I will avoid places that remind me of him/her.
18. I will feel insecure every time he/she changes his/her mind.
19. I won’t keep my foot in the door. (This goes for your foot as well as hers.)

Whether it’s leaving things at my house or negotiating a pet visit, I have to own up to my losses. When we break up,

I will remove all of his stuff from my house as quickly as possible. (Or do my best to remove all of my stuff at once.)

Related : What Happens When You Confront a Narcissist With The Truth?

I won’t leave anything behind that I can’t live without. I won’t give him or myself an excuse to resume contact.

(If you adopt a pet while you’re together, just let him or her have the dog, cat, ferret, etc.)

20. I will take responsibility for maintaining non-contact. I will stop expecting them to understand or “get it.”
21. I will avoid alcohol and other substances that lower inhibition. “Drinking and connecting” is always a big mistake.