So, you want to learn how to get your ex back.
You’ve been in relationships where you knew the other person wasn’t good for you but more often than not, you’ll leave someone and realize you made a huge mistake. Or, your ex left you, but you are sure that you still have a chance to spend a wonderful life together.
Although there are no guarantees that your ex will return to your life with open arms, there are some things you can do to entice them back into a relationship (since they are not a toxic person and are already capable of a mutual, non-toxic relationship).
Breakups of any kind are destructive. I write a lot about breaking up with toxic individuals, but what if I was with someone cool?
Not knowing what to do or how to get a great person back has made me feel suicidal in the past (emotionally and physically). I no longer want to live without this person. If you feel this way now, I want you to think about this…
Imagine that you were writing your life story on your computer right now and suddenly, the computer was infected with a virus and crashed.
Would you immediately pour gasoline into it all, light a match, blow it up (physical suicide), and risk burning the whole house down? (Destroy those who love, believe, depend, and need you). Do you run away from him in fear and give up your computer and story? (Emotional and spiritual suicide). Do you pretend that there was no mistake and keep typing even though the screen won’t light up and the keyboard won’t work? (Symptoms of emotional and spiritual suicide: denial, delusion, avoidance). Did you psych yourself into thinking that this was just a little glitch? And after a while, when the computer still does not work, do you use every opportunity to scold it and tell it how worthless and defective it is? (Another symptom of emotional suicide: self-sabotage).
No.no. You’re not going to do any of these things.
You will understand that something in the computer is broken enough to prevent it from working. And although it does not work now, the virus can be killed and the refraction can be repaired. Destroying your computer or refusing to process the refraction does not erase the problem.
Related : Trauma Bonding: How To Release A Trauma Bond
It takes away any chance for you to finish the story that only you can write.
Don’t give up on yourself.
Here’s what you need to do to get your ex back
- Give them time and space.
You might be thinking, ” Um. I’m looking for a way to get my ex back, not push them away.”
If your focus is on” how to get your ex-boyfriend back, ” understand that time and space are your most valuable tools. Insistently calling, begging for his return, and shedding tears over the phone are the actions that we most often resort to when hurt. But they can be a big turn-off. Therefore, when thinking about” how to get your ex-boyfriend back, ” patience and respect for his personal space are of paramount importance.
It’s more of a turn-off if your ex dumped you. They want space from your relationship. Texting and calling constantly is not a good idea.
Giving your ex Time and space allows you to have some time to reflect on the relationship. It also gives your ex time to miss you. They will not miss someone who refuses to get out of their life.
Additionally, time and space can give them the feeling that you are already missing you, and remember what is good about your relationship.
And while you’re probably reading this post because you’re sure your ex is the one, you might not be. It’s a bit of a shock to hear, but giving them the time and space can give you the space you need to think about the relationship – what worked and what didn’t.
Then, if you still miss them, you know that you have something worth fighting for.
- Apply the no-contact rule (and extend it to social media).
This can be painful, especially if you and your ex are in a long-term relationship. It’s hard to stop talking to someone who has been there for you for months or even years but is now no longer a part of your life. Perhaps you have been relying on them for emotional support for a long time, and it’s hard to go cold turkey.
While this rule is also about giving them space, it goes one step further. You can give your ex space and still talk to them once in a while, but with no contact period, you can be sure that you are not being reminded of them at all.
This rule is twofold: it benefits you as well as your ex.
With this rule, you can start focusing on life without your ex and build yourself up in reserve. Losing a good person is devastating, and being reminded of it every day whenever it’s posted on social media can make you feel crazy.
It also gives your ex a chance to miss you.
If you want to revive things with your ex (which you do or will not continue to read), you should not call, but save their information.
Related : Feeling Insecure In A Relationship? Here’s How To Reclaim Your Power
The same goes for social media. Keep them as friends on social media, but mute their profiles.
- Spend time with friends and family.
There was a time before you and your ex knew each other. Unless you’ve been dating the same person since middle school, you probably have a network of friends and family with whom you hang out a lot.
Now it’s time to rebuild these relationships and refocus on them. This way, you can start regaining your identity as the person you were before you met your ex.
Strengthening these bonds can help heal you from your relationship and can help boost your self-confidence. Most people’s self-esteem is depleted after a breakup, and this is normal. This can help you build a backup.
Reconnecting with family and friends can also help you fill the void you have of not having your ex in your life.
This way, when you and your ex finally reconnect, you will feel more confident, and less thirsty. More like the person they originally fell in love with.
- Get a new hobby (or return to an old one).
This is a great time to focus on a hobby, whether it’s an old one or a new one that you’ve always wanted to pursue.
Doing this is also a great way to improve your self-confidence and help you heal from a breakup.
When I was going through a really bad breakup and I felt like I had no control, I remember deciding to take ownership of what I had complete control over:
- How I moved my body
- What did you eat
- Whether you interact with my triggers or not
I was working hard every day. I spent my free time planning meals more thoughtfully. Whenever I had free time, I found that I was not obsessed with the bad that I usually did because I was spending my energy in other areas as well. (In other words, when I had free time, I was so exhausted that I didn’t pay much attention).
No matter what, make sure you take some time to focus on yourself.
- Start talking to other people and start dating again.
This sounds counter-intuitive, but it can help you get your ex back.
Once you gain a little perspective, start seeing other people. This may seem very strange at first, especially when getting your ex back is what you’re focused on, but it can help.
By dating again, you are giving your ex a clear message that you are moving on. And that you move without them.
If your relationship is irreparable, this may not phase them. But if not, it will make them jealous. They will start to wonder how they moved on so quickly, and what these new dates are like.
When you start dating again, definitely keep it casual, be classy, and be respectful. Stay on your white horse. Don’t do anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing. A date to connect, gain more perspective and confirm that your only source of happiness doesn’t come from someone else.
- Take a realistic inventory of your relationship issues.
Take the time to find out if your relationship problems are fixable and if your core values match.
How to get your ex back…
Don’t play games-value yourself enough to be above average.
When we value ourselves, others will too.
When you choose to be honest with yourself, love yourself, and accept nothing less than what you want, you will radiate it.
When you choose happiness and take care of yourself, when you stop worrying about what others think and start living your best life, it’s contagious. She’s attractive, she’s powerful, and people notice – even exes.
