Suffering in some capacity is inevitable. My shoulder hurts from a car accident three months ago. I’m a little frustrated with the three-and-a-half hour lack of sunlight during Alaskan winter days. I could go on, but you get the point. You have your list too, I’m sure. But more often than not, our suffering is a hamster wheel. We can get tired of trying to escape from it, only to end up in the same place. Only now we were tired of running around aimlessly.

“Friends, do not be amazed at the fiery affliction that has befallen you to test you, as if something strange had happened to you. But rejoice insofar as you shared in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may rejoice when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 4:12-13)

Suffering I may not fully appreciate this verse. The sound of fiery ordeal does not inspire me to great leaps of faith. But here is a promise that helps me endure my suffering and actually benefit from it. Jesus endured the cross for the reward he would receive later. With this single act the salvation of the world began. My suffering will not save the world, but like Jesus’ suffering, it can bring great reward.

Does my suffering have a great purpose?

It depends on my participation, right? Before Jesus healed the blind man, he was asked why the man was cursed. Was it his fault or his parents’ fault? Jesus did not say. This was so that God might be glorified. Stop. This is not the answer anyone expected. I don’t think Jesus would say that all the blind or deaf people in the world or any other physically afflicted person are there only for the glory of God. That would be a bizarre and inexcusable glorification of suffering.

Instead, it assigns a purpose to that man’s suffering in that moment. That blind man had the faith to ask and receive. He was in the right place at the right time. Giving purpose to our suffering means that we must cooperate with God’s purposes.

Here’s how it works in my life. When I was married to my ex, I suffered terrible abuse. I don’t believe it was God’s will for me to be abused. But the Great Redeemer of all things began to move in my heart. As I searched for Him in the midst of my suffering, salvation began. First save me from the tricks of narcissistic abuse. These beliefs included the idea that I could change my husband, and that if I was a good wife he would be a good husband. He freed me from the inside and then gave me the courage to leave.

Related : Five Ways Narcissists Use Cognitive Dissonance

I think the suffering I’ve been through has made me wiser, but that’s not redemption or a goal. Now I find myself serving women through my writing and direct outreach. I am going to court today to support one of these women who has suffered similar abuse. I was the person I needed when I fell into the trap. My experience helps get some women out of cheating sometimes. For me, this is a great goal.

Does my suffering bring reward?

Part of me wants the answer…well, I’ll tell you. But to be honest, my suffering has done a number of things for me, but only to the extent that I have involved the Lord in it. When I see women in the church living in abusive situations, I really suffer for them. I feel a little helpless because I know that they, like me, need revelation from God to know what to do. But I know how to pray for them. I do not pray to God to change their husbands. I pray that God will give them true revelation and the strength to live out the truth He reveals. Ask Him to free them from the inside out.

For me, the reward has changed, it’s changing. I am engaged in battles that I cannot see but I am aware of. I have victories in the spirit that make their way into victories in my life and the lives of others. None of my daughters married abusive men. This is a win-win. Big win. My marriage is fulfilling. This is a real reward and was made possible in part because of wisdom I gained the hard way. I have a career as a writer that I could only glimpse decades ago. My life matters to others and I don’t spend it trying to maintain a fragile sense of worthiness. This is a great reward.

How do I discover my identity?

Suffering cleanses our life of unnecessary things. She has a way of eliminating extraneous details that seem very important. Ask a cancer patient what matters to him. I guess they wouldn’t say fashion, popularity or wealth. They stare into eternity and into the sad faces of their loved ones. They know what matters in a whole new way. And so do we, when we allow suffering to do its work.

I identify with Christ in new and meaningful ways when I feel compassion for people who are suffering in the world. To love is to suffer. Giving oneself in the service of others is suffering. But I want to suggest this: losing our self-importance for the sake of love is tantamount to beginning to enter into true significance. Think about those whose lives have profoundly impacted yours. Is it the glamorous celebrity or your family members, whether relatives or within the church, who showed up and stayed during the worst moments of your life?

Finally, to walk on the path of Calvary is to choose suffering.

Jesus chose to die. No one has greater love than he who lays down his life for his loved ones… Choosing to accept God’s grace as revealed on the cross is to accept the suffering that comes with the reward. Maybe fewer people would rush to get fire insurance at the altar if they understood that. To enter into a relationship with love, one begins to express that love. Love is expressed in part through long-suffering.

We suffer when we intercede for others. We bear their burdens spiritually, emotionally and physically. We are comforted by the Holy Spirit for the sake of the lost. We engage in battles that we have no guarantee of winning in the short term. In fact, the moment we are saved, we begin the process of dying to self. Suffering can be meaningless and random. But this only happens when we cooperate with the enemy.

Behold, God makes all things new. What suffering has she undergone and wants to make new? Are you willing to lean on Him with Him and allow Him to bring great reward on His terms and in His timing? If so, I wish you all the blessings that only suffering can bring without any of the harm it can cause. I invite you to place it in the hands of the only One who can transform our blindness into His glory.