Narcissists suffer from a social disability. They lack emotional empathy, and their personality is disturbed.

Narcissists’ personalities are built on shaky foundations. Even with the best intentions, you can’t cure them. But you can manage them.

This is important if you have to deal with narcissists. You may work with a narcissist, have one in your family, or have a narcissistic neighbor, for example.

Here are some techniques to help you get the most out of a narcissist…

Reciprocity

Most of us have an automatic balancing mechanism in our brains. When someone does us a favor, we instinctively feel the need to return the favor. It may not be immediate, but we recognize when someone has done us a favor. We seize the opportunity to return the favor in the future.

Narcissists don’t have this mechanism. They’re happy to give and take without expecting anything in return.

When dealing with people with a typical personality type, it’s usually okay to trust that they will do something for you at some point. Everything balances out naturally in the long run. But with narcissists, you have to treat them differently.

If they want a favor, ask them for it in return. And insist on your favor first.

If they receive your favor first, they’re likely to forget or ignore the favor they owe you. Because they’re now satisfied and not thinking about your needs. By insisting on their favor first, you ensure a measure of fairness.

This can greatly improve your relationship. You’ll feel better around them, and you won’t feel like you’re giving away all the time. In fact, they’ll respect you more.

Of course, you don’t have to do this all the time. But it’s helpful to do it from time to time, as it helps you earn their respect. It prevents you from feeling like things are completely one-sided.

Narcissists Care More About Their Image Than People

Narcissists want the world to like them. They care more about what people think of them than they do about their family and friends! But you can exploit this.

For example, if a narcissist is racing while everyone else is struggling to keep up, if you tell the narcissist that this is hard work, they won’t care. “You should walk faster.”

But if you tell them that people see this and think they don’t care about their families, you’ll get their attention!

Related : Why Narcissists Play The Victim

Find ways to satisfy their desire for public admiration when making requests. “Everyone will see how great you are!” is a great way to frame things!

Don’t Just Criticize

Narcissists don’t want to hear criticism. And if they don’t listen, what’s the point?

So, if you do criticize, find ways to be extra nice. Turn it into a positive. Then, bypass their ego, they’ll take it seriously.

One tactic is to sandwich criticism between compliments. Start with a compliment. Criticize gently. Then compliment again.

“You’re a strong leader. But sometimes people are in awe of you. I think they’d see what a great leader you are if you were a little nicer to them.”

This example shows them how powerful they are as leaders. He gently says that people are afraid of them because they are so great. He doesn’t directly blame the narcissist.

Then he suggests a way to make people realize what great leaders they are. Which is what they want. What narcissist doesn’t want more people to realize how great they are?!

This way of speaking is much better than saying, “Stop bossing everyone around!”

Compliments

Narcissists need admiration. They are constantly seeking praise and admiration. Casual compliments make narcissists easier to deal with and may even calm them down for a while.

If you want them to do something for you, tell them how good they are at it. They’ll feel good and want to show off their skills.

For example, a narcissist’s wife might say to her husband, “Can you tell the kids? They listen to you because you have a greater aura of authority.” The narcissist puffs out their chest and tells the kids!

And when they do, praise them for being a good parent. They’re more likely to do it again in the future.

Let Them Think It Was Their Idea

Narcissists are more obedient if they think it was their brilliant idea. So, gently, but perhaps in a vague way, bring up an idea. Plant the seeds.

When they repeat the idea to understand it, act as if it came from their imagination. Tell them how great their idea is! Then sit back and watch them carry out their plan (your plan!).

Learn When To Back

Most narcissists are nice to you when they get to know you. But once they become more familiar, they reveal their narcissistic behaviors.

This Is Very Common

I’ve had great success using this pattern with narcissistic friends…

When they start unleashing their narcissistic side, I back off for a while. I distance myself and keep my distance. After some time, I reconnect with them.

I’ve found that they revert to the initial “love-bombing” phase where they’re being nice. This won’t last forever. So when I notice their narcissistic side emerging again, I back off a bit.

Related : Why Narcissists Don’t Give Straight Answers

It’s important to reconnect with them, not reconnect with them. If they do reach out, they’re likely to quickly devalue you because they feel they have control over you.

If you initiate contact, they’ll respect you and your boundaries more. They know you’re capable of initiating and ending communication. So, they want to please you to keep the connection going. Remember, narcissists need attention!

Ignore Their Subtle Insults

Narcissists will insult you from time to time. If you tried to annoy them every time, you’d just keep arguing with them. And who wants that?

Sometimes it’s better to just ignore them. Act like they never said anything. Remind yourself that their insults are about their problems, not yours.

If things get too bad, calmly walk away from the situation. Narcissists don’t like being taken away from them. They’d rather you stay and argue.

Remove yourself and you’ll gain the upper hand. They’ll think twice before pushing you that far next time.

Don’t Let Them Control Your Life

If you let them, narcissists will control your life. They see those closest to them as an extension of themselves. Your role is to please them. Narcissists don’t consider that you have needs and desires, too.

You must remember to make time for yourself. To do what you want. If you don’t, you may sink into a world of anxiety and depression.

Make plans for yourself and stick to them. Don’t fall for their emotional blackmail. Remember, it’s not your job to take care of them.

Be Positive

Don’t just focus on their negative traits. Try to see their qualities and focus on them. Remember, they are broken people. Most narcissists have some good qualities.

You can’t change a narcissist, but you can change your attitude toward them, which can make a big difference in your interactions.

Learn When To Leave

If a narcissist is abusive or is overly emotionally abusive, it may be time to walk away for good.

While their condition may not be their fault, it’s not yours either. If you feel they’re ruining your life and happiness, you should consider breaking up.

Ultimately, you’re responsible for your own health and happiness, not theirs. It’s not your responsibility to ruin your life or improve theirs.

Conclusion

You can’t wait for a narcissist to become a better person and adopt healthy behaviors. It won’t happen. You have to get over it if you want to get the best out of them.

Be positive and accept them as they are. They can’t and won’t change. But you can change and get the best out of them.

It’s not easy, and there will still be moments when you want to rein them in. But if you learn these techniques and develop some of your own, you can live a more harmonious life with the narcissist.

Remember, if things get worse over time, you have the right to remove them from your life. It’s your life, and your choice.