Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to perceive or view himself as a victim of the negative actions of others.

It is frequently found in toxic relationships, in one or both partners.

People who view themselves as a victim often have beliefs of helplessness, and lack control or direction in their lives. These individuals often act in ways that conflict with actual power.

The victim mentality relies on clear thought processes and attributions. Unfortunately, anyone who suffers from a victim mentality has been a victim of other people’s mistakes or has suffered misfortune through no fault of their own.

Dealing with a victim mentality in all relationships can be very stressful.

This is because the “victim” never takes responsibility for his or her contributions to the problems in the relationship.

Having a partner who sees themselves as a victim in a relationship is one of the main reasons why couples become “stuck” and unable to move forward in the relationship.

Ironically, the partner who views himself as a victim is responsible for the deterioration of his quality of life. Expressing the desire for happiness, while accepting pain and sadness.
Toxic relationships often go hand in hand with a victim mentality.

In toxic relationships, more than any other type of relationship, partners are more likely to remain in an unhealthy relationship where the “victim” sees themselves as powerless and unable to leave the relationship or change behaviors.

Victim thinking can be especially dangerous because partners who are verbally, emotionally, mentally, or financially abused will remain in a toxic relationship, even though it is causing them great harm.

Toxic relationships can affect an individual’s ability to trust, lower self-esteem, lead to self-doubt and feelings of loss of control, difficulty managing life’s stressors, and more.
You must take responsibility for your happiness.

You have the option of making choices yourself, although some choices are not much better than others.

It’s especially important to understand that things will happen without you having any kind of control over them, but ultimately you are the one who determines your happiness, not someone else.

Additionally, a fixed victim mentality can lead to unhealthy coping strategies and overall unhappiness.

So, how do you stop the victim mentality?

If you want to know how to make sure you’re not stuck in a victim mentality, it’s important to recognize behaviors that arise when they occur.

Here are 9 common signs of a victim mentality in a toxic relationship, so you can stop unhealthy things in their tracks.

Feeling that negative things “happen” to you.

This is the belief that negative things happen to you, not because of you. You may worry that you can’t control anything.

Believing that you have no control.

This is the belief that you have no control over your life nor any influence on its course.

You may feel that no matter what you do, things will never change, and things are “just the way they are.”

Blame others for what happens in your life.

You may believe that others are responsible for events that occur in your life. Oftentimes, this is especially about a partner.

Your ability or inability to do something, or your ability or inability to enjoy something, depends largely on the reactions or behavior of another person, and therefore you are not responsible for anything bad…or even good.

Refusing to accept negative results or recognize patterns of behavior.

You’ll probably end up arguing about the same things all the time – because one of you refuses to acknowledge that the problem is on their end.

Don’t look at your behavior.

Refusing to engage in self-reflection or make appropriate changes is a sign of a victim mentality.

You need to sit down with yourself to figure out what behaviors you need to change.

Constantly retelling painful stories.

Enjoying telling stories of your pain and challenges over and over again is another classic sign of being an unhealthy victim.

All of these things happened to you and they were terrible, so they’re worth repeating because they explain why you’re struggling now.

You see that other people’s lives are better than yours.

Nothing in your own life can compare to anyone else’s, so why bother?

You view everyone as “lucky.”

They didn’t get it through hard work. They got it through luck and chance, which is why these same benefits will never happen to you.

You attract other people with a similar victim mentality.

Misery loves company, and it’s comforting to be with someone who believes there’s nothing you can change to make things better, either. There’s no pressure that way, right?

Maintaining a victim mentality does not allow the partner who sees themselves as a victim to take full responsibility or ownership of their own life.

The ability to challenge themselves and their abilities is also limited because “victims” usually view themselves as failures, so what is the point of trying?

Victim mentality thrives in comfort zones.

Perceived victims do not have to take any risks and can stay in their comfort zone, even if it is hell because it is familiar and known.

Mental health will also suffer from the consequences of a victim mentality, with the individual being more likely to struggle with depression and anxiety.

Failure to take ownership or responsibility for life choices can lead to “learned helplessness,” continuing these patterns into a new relationship and in other areas of your life.

You will continue to stay stuck and perpetuate the same patterns, even when you change your external state (like leaving the relationship, for example) because you are still stuck in a toxic relationship with your victim mentality.
It takes time to get out of a victim mentality, especially in toxic relationships.

Shifting one’s perspective from being a victim to being empowered takes time because it requires a change in thinking that leads to a change in action.

Once you begin to realize that you have a choice, you will no longer be powerless to change.

Change has to happen from the inside because unless you change from the inside, the outside will remain the same and you will remain stuck in a toxic relationship.

Toxic relationships leave no room for positive health and growth. Therefore, it is necessary to change your outlook on how you see yourself to find the strength to leave the relationship and start over.

Here are 9 common signs of a victim mentality in a toxic relationship, so you can stop unhealthy things in their tracks.

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