A narcissistic meltdown occurs when a person with NPD feels vulnerable or exposed and can’t rely on their usual defenses to cope with a situation.

This meltdown is a response to their narcissistic supply being cut off or altered, and can cause narcissists to act angry, impulsive, or extremely defensive.

Since narcissists have fragile self-esteem, they constantly rely on external sources of validation.

When these sources are lost, they feel threatened and may not know how to react.

Their false self becomes increasingly entangled with their true self, and this integration seems impossible.

What is a narcissistic meltdown?

It’s no secret that narcissists come across as confident and arrogant in everyday life.

But beneath this facade lies a very different reality. Narcissists have a deep sense of emptiness within themselves, and they rely on other sources to provide them with external validation.

So, a meltdown can occur when this validation is threatened (or cut off entirely).

A narcissistic meltdown occurs when the narcissist’s usual defenses or behaviors stop working.

This leads to a “meltdown” in behavior, where the narcissist often becomes anxious, depressed, angry, ashamed, and lonely.

It is a sign that the narcissist has lost control of their identity and doesn’t know how to cope.

Sometimes, during a meltdown, the narcissist realizes that they are no longer special. This creates tremendous anxiety and a deep fear of being exposed as their “true selves,” or as a fake or fraudulent person.

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Other times, the meltdown leads to even more anger. The narcissist can’t handle feeling exposed, so they will double down on their anger and display destructive, chaotic, and even terrifying behaviors.

Is It the Same as a Meltdown?

The terms narcissistic meltdown and narcissistic breakdown are often used interchangeably.

A narcissistic meltdown occurs when the narcissist’s false self is threatened. The narcissist feels a loss of control, which leads to their behavior toward others or themselves.

A meltdown occurs in stages and does not always lead to a complete meltdown.

A meltdown is generally the final stage of accepting that the narcissistic behavior is no longer working effectively.

Signs of a Narcissistic Meltdown

When a narcissist experiences a meltdown, they feel misunderstood and even abandoned by others.

They don’t get what they want, which creates tremendous internal tension.

Their self-confidence may be shattered (for example, they don’t get an important promotion or their crush doesn’t like them).

Signs of a narcissistic meltdown include:

Extreme irritability

Tantrums (also known as narcissistic rage)

Defensive behaviors

Impulsive or self-destructive behaviors

Withdrawal or isolation from loved ones

Depression or anxiety

End of relationship or threat of doing so

A narcissistic meltdown doesn’t follow a one-size-fits-all formula. For example, an overt narcissist may lash out at loved ones and dramatically claim how no one loves them. A covert narcissist may be calmer with their meltdown — they may act like everything is fine, but then start rambling passive-aggressively on social media.

Most narcissists initially deny a meltdown when it happens. This is because they may not even realize they’re having a narcissistic meltdown.

At first, the signs of a meltdown are very similar to those of a narcissistic rage (a common condition they’re used to).

Other times, they want to mislead others and make them feel guilty or anxious about what’s happening.

Stages of Narcissistic Meltdown

The stages of a narcissistic meltdown mirror the stages of grief. A narcissistic meltdown feels out of control and doesn’t know how to cope with their circumstances.

If they have a co-occurring mental health condition such as anxiety, depression, or PTSD, these symptoms are likely to worsen during this time.

Denial

Denial is the first stage of a narcissistic meltdown. Most narcissists never fully leave this stage.

At this stage, the narcissist lacks insight into their behavior. They rationalize, justify, or blame others for their mistakes, and may appear as the victim.

Anger

Anger during a narcissistic meltdown can be intense. This is because the narcissist never believes they are at fault.

At this stage, the narcissist is filled with anger, becomes hostile, and may become aggressive toward others.

Their anger may be directed at one person, but it can be more general and affect anyone in their life.

The covert narcissist may become excessively passive-aggressive or engage in the silent treatment.

Bargaining

During the bargaining stage, the narcissist attempts to “make things right.” At this stage, he or she may have some insight into his or her problematic behaviors (and even be able to determine that he or she did something wrong).

He or she makes promises to change or seek professional help. He or she may apologize for his or her actions, and may express some guilt about how he or she has hurt others.

Depression

The depression stage occurs when the narcissist experiences deep despair about his or her current situation.

Related : Do Narcissists Accuse Others of Being Narcissistic? Yes, This is Why!

This is when he or she realizes that he or she can no longer maintain his or her false self and comes to terms with his or her low self-worth.

This may lead the narcissist to stop functioning successfully, withdraw from others, engage in self-harm, and even feel suicidal.

Some narcissists will enter therapy at this stage, but they generally focus solely on treating depression.

Acceptance

The narcissist sinks into reality during the acceptance stage of the narcissistic collapse, and the narcissist begins to realize the seriousness of his behavior and who he really is.

This self-awareness can lead to change – some narcissists will go to therapy or try to develop healthy emotional regulation strategies.

However, acceptance does not necessarily mean “cure,” and narcissists can still revert to old behaviors.

How to Cause a Narcissist to Meltdown or Breakdown

There is no guarantee that you can cause a narcissistic meltdown. However, if you have strong insight into a narcissist’s behavior and know what generally causes an intense emotional response, you may be able to cause a narcissistic meltdown.

Set Boundaries

Most people understand that boundaries are essential to healthy relationships.

But narcissists feel threatened by boundaries – they feel entitled to do whatever they want and want to set the parameters for their relationships.

Setting and sticking to boundaries can lead to their breakdown.

Focus on your hobbies or interests

Narcissists do not appreciate people who think or act differently from them, and this is especially true of romantic partners.

Focusing on your own life can feel threatening and can trigger some self-doubt and self-importance in them.

They may feel like their influence no longer matters, and this can cause them to lose control.

StopLegitimizingNarcissisticTraits

You can cause a narcissist to collapse simply by ignoring their narcissistic behavior. Narcissists love attention—even arguing with them can be satisfying.

Avoid legitimizing their narcissism in any way. If you have to compliment them, make it genuine, honest, and relevant to the circumstances.

And if they act aggressively or in a toxic way, call them out.

Build a strong support system

Narcissists often want to isolate their victims from the outside world. They don’t want outside influence to affect their thoughts about the relationship.

They also need to maintain as much power in the relationship as possible, knowing that others can threaten that.

The best way to prevent this is to stay in close contact with your friends and family. Prioritize your support system, and don’t let the narcissist dictate how you spend your time socializing.

EndTheRelationship

Narcissistic meltdowns often occur after a significant relationship ends. This is especially true if they are caught off guard by a breakup or lack of contact.

Related : 6 Things to Say to Make a Narcissist Feel Bad

They lose their most important source of support, and they will either rush to find a new source of validation or begin to fall apart.

Continue Labeling Their Behavior

Don’t ignore their toxic behavior. Call it what it is. Tell the narcissist, “This is a form of manipulation,” or, “I won’t tolerate you criticizing my moral character.”

However, keep in mind that this strategy doesn’t always work, and it can only provoke more narcissistic anger.

But if the narcissist is open to changing their behavior and improving the relationship, they may be more inclined to listen.

How long does a narcissistic meltdown last?

It varies. Some exhausted narcissists recover quickly, especially if they have had multiple streams of narcissistic supply.

Other narcissists may remain stuck in feelings of intense sadness, anger, or shame for months or years.

A severe meltdown can lead to physical aggression toward others or themselves. In severe cases, it can even lead to a suicide attempt (the person often feels that life is not worth living if they cannot maintain their facade).

The good news is that a meltdown can lead to change if the narcissist is willing to acknowledge their behavior and seek appropriate treatment.

However, this is not something other people can control. If someone wants to change, they must be willing to put in the work and put in the effort.

What Happens After a Narcissistic Meltdown?

In most cases, a narcissist will try to “cure” their narcissistic meltdown by regaining their sense of power and control. They will seek out supply in any form they can find.

If you’re with a narcissistic partner who’s having a meltdown, they may try to “save” the relationship. They may be overly apologetic and willing to do “whatever it takes” to fix things.

Other times, a narcissistic meltdown leads to serious changes in behavior. The narcissist may act out in extremely reckless ways—this could look like quitting their job, experimenting with or using drugs frequently, or cheating on their partners.

Which Types of Narcissists Are Most Vulnerable to a Meltdown?

Covert narcissists may be more vulnerable to a meltdown than grandiose narcissists.

Covert narcissists typically have some insight into their low self-esteem and often have co-occurring issues with depression, addiction, eating disorders, or anxiety.

Because they tend to be more negative and insecure, they are affected by how others treat them.

Grandiose narcissists can also have a meltdown, but the risks are generally higher.

For example, they may need to be fired from an important role or divorced to start thinking inward. Even then, there is no guarantee that they will develop insight or change.

IfYouAreHavingANarcissisticBreakdownWhatShouldYouDo?

If you know you have narcissistic traits and believe you are having a meltdown, it is important to use this time to try to be more reflective about your narcissism.

Think about how you rely on admiration and grandiosity to survive. Remember, the need for constant external validation is a hollow pursuit—you will always feel vulnerable in your need for reassurance to feel secure.

Therapy can help you change your thoughts and engage in more adaptive behaviors.

Since most narcissists have a history of early trauma, working on these triggers is essential.

You will also need to learn healthier ways to manage your emotions, and you will need to be more aware and respectful in your relationships.