I wish I knew when a setback was coming my way. This way I will have time to prepare myself, and ward off its worst effects one way or another. But wishful thinking and looking to the future doesn’t really help you deal with a setback, especially one that affects major areas of your life. I often read articles and studies that address stress and the consequences it can have on our minds and bodies. Clearly, learning how to deal with stress is an important life skill if you want to live past fifty.
I often think of Job during a serious setback. Moses had some pretty terrible things happen, as did many others in the Bible. But the setback that Job suffered was worse. He didn’t deserve it and lost everything a human being can lose. I think that’s why his story is in the Bible. We live in a world where a new and more difficult setback could be just around the corner; The Bible tells it like it is, and fortunately, it gives us some ideas about developing coping skills.
I have had a number of setbacks in my life. My first marriage to a narcissist took me back decades in many ways. I have suffered from chronic pain and periods of ill health. I am no stranger to financial loss. Personal losses within the family are stacked in the memories of my husband and me. But my book is not a series of despair. Each setback has made me wiser and humbler, more careful to listen to my heart and to the Holy Spirit, and more compassionate toward those who suffer setbacks.
Surviving a setback is a matter of being honest with yourself and others. The beauty of setback is that if you allow God to use it in your life, you will find yourself bolder than before, and less afraid of the things the enemy throws your way. So, here are some strategies to cope with a setback:
Accept the reality of the matter and absorb the blow.
Denial will only prolong the inevitable. Allow yourself to be sad and complain a little. By feeling the enormity of what happened, you can actually shorten the duration of misery. Numbing yourself only prolongs the admission process. Once you acknowledge the situation and allow it to be what it is, you will find yourself getting through it much faster than if you ran.
Live moment by moment.
Much of our emotional pain comes from living in the past or planning for the future. If we take each moment as it comes, we can save ourselves a lot of pain. If we let our thoughts run wild with all sorts of regrets and worries about what might happen, we simply pile more torment on what is already difficult. Check in with your body, emotions, and circumstances right now. Are you safe? Do you have what you need for that day? Do you have someone who cares about you? Live in this reality instead of the imagined reality where you are broke or lonely.
Rehearse your story. How do you frame your setback?
There is no good story without conflict. But your success in getting through this setback depends in part on how you see your life story. Are you on an adventure or are you a victim of your circumstances? The way you frame your story greatly determines your outlook on life. I try to remember that there is always a third day. In the Bible, everything seems bleak until the third day comes. Then Jesus rises, the enemy is defeated, and Israel returns home.
Know your area.
Do you really understand what you can control versus what you can’t? Make sure you are not responsible for disasters that occur outside your control. Through no fault of his own, Job lost everything. Through no fault of our own, bad things happen. Even if we share the blame for what comes our way, remember that no judgment awaits those who abide in Christ.
Do what is in front of you during a setback.
This is very important. With as much pain as you may be in, getting out of bed and doing what you can will boost your mood. Sometimes the most powerful acts of spiritual warfare are getting out of bed and doing small chores around the house. Or taking care of the kids, or going to work, or dealing with whatever needs to be dealt with. Every small action is a declaration of hope! Don’t dismiss your minors as weak. Each one is your dim light in the darkness.
Take a break from your setback.
Persistent difficulty poses a risk to our mental and physical health. As much as you may feel like having fun, give yourself the occasional night where you can live a little. When, in some of the worst times of my life, I made a cup of my favorite tea and buried myself in a book I had already read dozens of times, I was able to give my mind and body a break. Praise music, working in the garden, or anything that refreshes you helps relieve constant stress.
Surrender to God’s will for your life.
Setback until he gave up the job. God never answered Job’s question directly. You might not get one either. But I find that surrendering my life to God increases my ability to deal with everything that happens. Once, during a particularly stressful period at a job when I discovered my boss was making a huge mistake, I turned the result over to him. I wanted justice as I saw it. But he told me that the pain I was experiencing was actually because of my obedience to Him. The stress was because I had done the right thing at great personal cost. He put me there because he wanted to correct this situation.
My mistake was believing that if I felt pain, life had gone terribly wrong. not like that. Remember, we are in a battle when we become Christians. There is a powerful evil force at large in this world. Our mission is to follow Christ in the heat of battle. While ultimate victory is assured, we sometimes take some painful blows.
In the end everyone suffers. But only you can choose whether or not to make your suffering part of a story that ends well. We have to choose whether we grow or not. Our calling as overcomers is a tested calling. Remember that next time you have a scary setback.
The picture I want to leave you with is the picture of Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego. They entered that fiery furnace, but when they entered there, God Himself received them there and preserved them from harm. We may lose our homes, our health, and our jobs while we are here in this fiery furnace, but the guardian of our souls will not allow us to suffer any real harm in the only area that matters to us. Filled with His Spirit, our spirits can overcome any setback with peace, faith, hope, and love.
