Key Points
Traits of narcissistic bosses include displaying a high level of self-importance, expecting constant admiration, and manipulating subordinates.
Recognizing narcissistic traits can help employees realize that their boss will always be difficult but that their value is not tied to their boss.
Corporate culture and quick hiring may contribute to the rise of narcissistic bosses in the workplace.
Many people have had a narcissistic boss. Dealing with a bad boss may seem like a rite of passage. However, such managers, supervisors, and bosses can derail your career and self-esteem. But learning how to spot narcissistic behaviors can help you take steps to protect yourself and your career.
NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder
This disorder is characterized by inflated self-esteem, an extreme sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy for others. A person with narcissistic personality disorder is often manipulative, lacks the ability to maintain healthy relationships, and has difficulty maintaining realistic goals.
Narcissistic behavior can manifest in many different ways without any real narcissistic tendencies. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) defines someone with narcissistic personality disorder as someone who has five of nine traits. These traits include:
Exploitative: Lacks the ability to maintain healthy relationships and has difficulty maintaining realistic goals.
Lack of empathy and understanding: Uses power over others to get their own needs met without regard for how it will affect anyone else involved.
Self-importance: Believes they are always right and that others need to approve of them.
Pretentious/grandiose behavior, exaggerated sense of self-importance or entitlement: A supervisor does not have to have all of the traits to be a narcissist.
Possible Traits of a Narcissistic Manager
A narcissistic manager may be someone who displays a high level of self-importance, even when their accomplishments are not noteworthy. Narcissists put themselves before everyone else and expect others to do the same. An employee who does anything to interfere with this belief system is quickly eliminated from the narcissist’s life without hesitation or remorse.
Narcissistic managers may also expect admiration from their colleagues, employees, and subordinates, which can make working with them very difficult.
A narcissistic manager is typically someone who feels entitled to privileges that others do not. They believe that they deserve special treatment for all the “good” things they do on behalf of their employees or their company. In many cases, this behavior will manifest as a form of manipulation in the workplace.
A narcissistic manager may manipulate employees in a number of ways, but they may be subtle. The most obvious behavior is an overt reaction when someone is praised.
A narcissistic boss may display feelings of irritation or anger, which can cause others to feel guilty for receiving praise and attention instead of the boss. This can cause subordinates to see their success as something to be shared only with their boss rather than celebrated publicly among themselves. In some cases, this can lead employees to put off completing projects so as not to get ahead of others who are higher up the food chain at work.
Other forms of narcissistic manipulation by a boss include withholding praise and using it as a reward for those who do what they want.
How to Spot a Narcissistic Boss
Ego: They are selfish and self-centered. They may believe that they are superior or more deserving than others, including their employees — or anyone else in the world for that matter. It is not uncommon for narcissistic bosses to constantly demand praise from others, as if it is their right.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissistic bosses do not care how their decisions and demands affect others as long as they get what they want in the end.
Being Right: Narcissistic bosses are always “right” and expect others to agree with them without question. People who disagree or offer alternative perspectives will be viewed as threats, and are often dismissed in selfish anger.
Taking Credit: A narcissistic boss may do things like take credit for an employee’s work instead of giving credit where it is due.
Betrayal Behavior: A narcissist may also engage in betrayal behavior, often when an employee begins to withdraw from the relationship.
Narcissistic managers will begin to be cold or harsh toward their employees as a way to try to maintain control over them even after the relationship ends, because the narcissistic manager believes that if someone leaves, they must be “better” than them, which feeds the person’s false sense of superiority.
Dealing with a Narcissistic Manager
It’s Not About You, It’s About Them: If you have a narcissistic manager, it’s important to understand that no matter how well things go for you at work, there will always be hints of discontent or anger at them over big or small issues.
Don’t Dim the Lights: It’s also helpful for employees to understand that their boss’s actions don’t define them or who they are. When an employee does something great, they should feel safe enough to be proud of their accomplishment without feeling guilty about receiving attention because someone else might think better of them than their boss.
Don’t Ignore the Red Flags: Don’t ignore warning signs and hope they go away. This can often lead to more difficult problems down the road. If you feel exploited, threatened, or unhappy at work, it’s time for a change. Talk about what makes you uncomfortable—don’t wait until their behavior escalates into something worse.
How to Spot Your Narcissistic Boss
- A great trick to spotting your narcissistic boss is to master this question: “Is there a reason you’re asking me that question?” Narcissistic bosses are very skilled at asking condescending rhetorical questions. When you calmly answer these condescending questions and then respond, “Is there a reason you’re asking me that question,” it gives them away.
- Document everything. To spot your narcissistic boss, you’ll need to work hard to piece together his or her narcissistic behavior. HR departments need to document it. Use the traits and behaviors listed above to guide you.
Why Are So Many Bosses Narcissistic?
Rapid Hiring: Shouldn’t a company have a more robust screening process for personality issues? The truth is, it can be difficult to spot signs of a narcissist if you’re not a trained therapist.
Company Culture: Your company’s values may also play a role. For example, if your organization is all about “winning,” you may attract some narcissistic individuals who want recognition at all costs—even when competing internally with employees.
Protect your career and self-esteem
Remember that you are the master of your career path. If you believe your boss is exhibiting any of the above behaviors, talk to HR about what steps to take next. Bring your documents. Stay calm and confident.
