For many people, the silent treatment may seem like a better option, rather than engaging in a full-blown fight. They feel like everything is screaming and screaming is way more draining than just being away from their partners. However, constantly indulging in silent treatment will do your relationship more harm than good in the long run.

Still, want to do that? In this article, we will share steps to disarm the silent treatment without making it worse.

Silent treatment has been an ancient coping mechanism in relationships for as long as I can remember.

Silence
I think I understand the reaction. Sometimes you just need to create distance between you and the offending party. But the silent treatment is not fair and harmful to both parties. For the person giving the silent treatment, it is like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die.

The receiving end of the silent treatment isn’t easy either. It doesn’t have to be a doormat. You should approach the other party with understanding. Someone has to start the conversation.

Some people in relationships are just passive-aggressive grudge holders, but I know a way to disarm them without pointing fingers and making it worse.

6 Steps to disarming the silent treatment

1. Approach them calmly and gently.
   Admit that you hurt them. Maybe they were wrong in some way too, but you can discuss that later when you both are calm.

“Connection to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it…it dies.” Tony Gaskins

2. Say that you care a lot about being a good wife or husband.
   You care about your relationship and want to resolve it. They may not seem excited at the time, but they will remember that you said it.
3. Create physical distance.
   If they don’t fall into your arms right away, a little downtime is probably needed.
4. Offer to listen when they are ready to talk.
   You can go to another room, hang out in the garage, or leave on a mission. The more productive your task, the better. It’s a free country, but making a big purchase, and going to a bar or strip club probably won’t help.

5. Know that there is legitimate harm under it all.
   Hurt often turns into anger, and ranting is a consequence. They may not be ready to talk yet.

Powerful words that pierce the soul are not forgotten during silence. – Donna Lynn Hope

6. Give them some time, but no more than a day or two.
   If you’ve done all of this, and the silent treatment continues for days or weeks at a time, it’s a good bet that you need to seriously evaluate your relationship.

I am not a licensed therapist. I am just a passive-aggressive grudge-holding wife. I come from a long line of passive-aggressive grudge-holders. When you’ve been wired a certain way for so long, change is hard.

My husband follows the anti-silence therapy steps with me and helps calm the storm. I wish I could say these thoughts are a 100% cure-all in our marriage, but I just can’t. However, I can say that these steps go a long way to help.

Related: Trapped In The Paradox Of Love: Why Do I Feel Sorry For My Abuser?

In relationships, silence can be deafening. But you have to be willing to see the problem and make the effort to change. Change is what relationships are all about.

I will forever remember when he said,

“I want to be a good husband and father.”

Originally appeared on The Goodmen Project

After or during a fight, it is important to take a break to collect your thoughts and calm yourself. But completely ignoring your partner and his efforts to fix the situation is not the way to go. Even though it may seem difficult to communicate with your partner, when you’re feeling upset, do so. Let them know what is hurting or upsetting you. Let them know what’s bothering you so they don’t do it again.

As long as there is transparency and maturity in your relationship, it will always stand the test of time. Fights and arguments are an integral part of every relationship, but make sure that you both know where you stand and the silent treatment won’t help you achieve that.