the main points
Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) include a great sense of self-importance and a need for admiration, among other things.
Many people with BPD may not realize that their behavior is hurtful or abusive.
The three subtypes of NPD are grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissism, and malignant narcissism.

Narcissists are often portrayed as evil people who are deliberately focused on undermining and destroying their partner. But this is simply not true for many who have narcissistic or narcissistic traits. Although their behavior can certainly fall into the category of emotional abuse, many with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) do not realize that their behavior is hurtful. Many people with borderline personality disorder straddle the line between being unintentional aggressors and being intentionally aggressors.

Let’s start by taking a look at the typical behavior and emotional makeup of those with borderline personality disorder. Symptoms of this disorder include poor self-identity, inability to value others, entitlement, lack of authenticity, need for control, intolerance of the views/opinions of others, emotional detachment, grandiosity, lack of awareness or concern about the impact of their behavior and minimal emotional reciprocity, The desperate need for approval and positive attention from others. The following questionnaire, taken from my book, Escaping Emotional Abuse, may also be helpful in determining whether someone is a narcissist.

Questionnaire: Does your partner suffer from narcissism?
Does your partner seem to be constantly preoccupied with himself – his interests and projects – and has little interest in what’s going on with you?

Related : 7 Mistaken Assumptions About Narcissists

Does your partner like to be the center of attention? Do you feel bored or rude when someone else talks?
Does he seem to feel entitled to special treatment from you and others?

Does she seem to lack empathy and compassion for others? Does she seem to have particular difficulty feeling other people’s pain even though she expects others to feel her own?

Does your partner feel that his or her opinions and beliefs are always the right ones and that others (including you) don’t really know what they’re talking about?

Do you think she’s smarter, more fashionable, more attractive, or more talented than almost everyone else?

Does he seem to have an excessive need to be right, no matter what issue is being discussed?

Is your partner extremely charismatic, charming, and/or manipulative when he wants something only to be dismissive or cold after the person has served his or her purpose?

Have you become distrustful of your partner because you often accused him of exaggerations and lies?

Do you often seem aloof, arrogant, grandiose, or conceited?

Could he be insulting or condescending to people, including you?

Is she often critical, belittling, or sarcastic?
Does your partner get angry if he is proven wrong or when someone dares to confront him about his inappropriate behavior?

Do you frequently complain that others do not give her enough respect, appreciation, or appreciation?

Does he constantly challenge authority or have difficulty with authority figures or with anyone in a position of control or authority?

Does your partner rarely acknowledge what you do for them or show appreciation for you?

Does it instead seem like she finds fault in almost everything she does?
Even when he’s forced to acknowledge something she’s done for him or a gift she’s given him, does he always downplay it or imply that she doesn’t really meet his standards?

Does your partner focus a great deal of attention on achieving wealth, recognition, popularity, or fame?

If you answered “yes” to more than half of the questions above, your partner may have narcissistic personality disorder or may have strong narcissistic personality traits.

Are all narcissists abusive?

I started this series with the premise that not all abusers are narcissists. It is equally important to understand that not all narcissists are abusive. Existing research has revealed that there are at least three distinct subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder: 1) the grandiose and overt narcissist, 2) the vulnerable and covert narcissist, and 3) the malignant narcissist.

The grandiose and outspoken narcissist is characterized by boldness, arrogance, and grandiose personality traits. People with this type of borderline personality disorder are likely to lack empathy, behave aggressively, take advantage of others, and engage in exhibitionistic behaviors. They also require praise and excessive attention.

The vulnerable and covert narcissist is characterized by hypersensitivity and defensiveness. This type of narcissist tends to feel a lot of anxiety and needs a lot of supportive attention. People with this type of BPD may crave and seek approval and admiration, but they behave in more subtle and often passive-aggressive ways than overt narcissists and may withdraw socially if this is not achieved. The covert narcissist may be outwardly introverted or withdrawn in his approach but the ultimate goals are the same.

Related : A Narcissist’s Secret Fears

To be sure, both the grandiose narcissist and the covert narcissist can exhibit abusive behavior. The arrogant narcissist lacks empathy and therefore has difficulty recognizing how hurtful his behavior can be. He or she can be demanding and have unreasonable expectations. Many will do anything to get what they want, including walking on top of people. A covert narcissist can also be demanding due to their extreme insecurities. They can be unreasonably jealous and tend to focus only on their own needs. But it is important to understand that neither of these types of narcissists intended to be abusive or controlling.

A malignant narcissist is a completely different story. Considered the most severe type of narcissism and the most harmful to others, the malignant narcissist tends to have a dark side to his or her self-absorption. While most narcissists do not intentionally mistreat others, the biased narcissist does just that. In addition to having general traits of NPD, they have antisocial traits and even a sadistic tendency. There is often also some paranoia involved. In fact, malignant narcissists display traits and symptoms of narcissistic and antisocial personality disorder.

Antisocial traits in malignant narcissists include: a pattern of violating the rights of others; Breaking rules and laws. deceive others; aggression; Reckless and harmful behaviour. Using or exploiting others for personal gain or pleasure. While there can be hope for many narcissists, if your partner matches the description of a malignant narcissist, there is little, if any, hope that he or she will change.

When a narcissist becomes abusive

When dealing with a narcissistic individual or someone with strong narcissistic traits, it is important to always remember that they are not a fully conscious human being, especially when it comes to their behavior. Although much of his behavior could be considered emotionally abusive (e.g., his arrogance, his dismissive attitude, his need to be right), he is not necessarily trying to make you feel bad about yourself (the malignant narcissist). exception). In fact, the narcissist’s primary goal is to make himself feel good, even at the expense of others. His disinterest, boldness, and insensitive comments may seem as if he is intentionally trying to hurt you, when in reality, most of the time he doesn’t care much about how you feel.

This is why it is important not to take what a narcissistic person says or does personally. This is of course a very difficult task. But if you try to remember that in the narcissist’s world, he or she is the center of the universe and everyone else is just a satellite orbiting around him or her, it can be helpful. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings or that he’s unable to care about others, but it does mean that his needs will always come first.

The only time most narcissistic individuals will intentionally try to hurt others (again, with the exception of the malignant narcissist) is when they themselves feel criticized or threatened in some way (for example, if you dare to question their abilities or knowledge, if you tell them). They get something wrong, or if you challenge their authority). This is the time when you will feel their full wrath. Narcissistic individuals can hurt you deep down in seconds by using the right words that can hurt you the most.