Dealing with negative people is a drain on our energy. It is often advised to remove yourself from toxic relationships. However, sometimes we all have to learn how to deal with negative, critical, and judgmental people, particularly those people who are colleagues, friends, or family members.
Here are some tips and advice to help you learn how to deal with negative people, most positively:
- You are not responsible
It’s all too easy to think that when you’re confronted with a negative person, it’s your responsibility to try to change their mind. Sometimes this isn’t possible and it will drain your energy trying to do it.
Adults are responsible for their behavior. If a colleague is constantly complaining and trying to share their negative feelings with the rest of the team, it’s not your job to make them happier in their role or workplace.
This is especially true of friends and family. If your friend is very negative and unhappy with every situation, you can listen to them and show them moral support. However, you can’t put yourself under the pressure of trying to solve all of their problems.
Make sure that when you encounter a negative person, you create your own space. Try not to let yourself get sucked into the negative behavior, remain a bystander, and have a sympathetic ear.
This isn’t to say that you may not have some helpful advice or suggestions, but don’t get too carried away trying to manage other people’s emotional responses. You are responsible for yourself, and how you participate, nothing more, nothing less.
- Help where you can
Sometimes people have a bad outlook on life, and nothing you say or do can change that. However, it can be helpful to try to understand where negative people come from so you can deal with them easier.
Perhaps the colleague needs to vent; If you are in a position for them to voice their concerns, feel free to do so. They may just need a friend to be able to express themselves or themselves, and air all their frustrations out in the open.
In this case, you may be advised to consult with the HR team or the appropriate manager. Something could need a little nudge in the right direction to reflect its negativity on the solution it needs.
Family members are another prime example. When your family member is constantly critical, it can be difficult to want to spend time with them and it can cast a cloud over family events.
Perhaps they feel ignored, or that their point of view is not being acknowledged. You can try to listen and engage with their point of view from an empathic perspective. Don’t forget that in the end, you are not responsible for their actions.
- Create boundaries
Easier said than done! When we have negative people in our immediate social circle, it can be very difficult to create any kind of personal distance.
To protect your emotional health, you must be mindful of when and how you allow yourself to experience negative behavior. There are simple ways to influence boundaries, which protect you from being bombarded with negativity, and the impact this can have:
Own your own time
In the workplace, if you have a consistently negative co-worker who affects your workday, think about when and how you will deal with them. If you tend to chat over lunch, decide if you’re happy to continue with it, or would like to change your break time. Once you leave the office, you are not obligated to respond to messages or emails, you can put them aside and clear your mind to spend your time positively.
walk away
We all have a limit to the number of stressors we can absorb in a given day. If you are bothered by problems and complaints, set a time limit for this part of your day. You can choose to walk away or limit your time. If you have a social engagement and you know a certain friend is going to make this difficult, you can break up whenever you need to. Don’t feel obligated to spend the whole time trying to deal with negativity.
- Accept your feelings
Acknowledging that you find it difficult to deal with negative people is a good thing. However, applying this to a family member or close friend can lead to mixed feelings.
You are allowed to feel sad or frustrated with the situation of someone you love. It is especially difficult when someone in the family is constantly negative. So you end up feeling anxious about having to spend time with them because it will not be a happy and positive experience from your own point of view.
Accepting someone you love despite their bad qualities is a difficult part of family life. Try to find other members of your family who understand and can help share the burden of dealing with this negative person. This takes the pressure off anyone.
