About 4.8% of women suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And like many other women, many of them become mothers.
If you’re having a hard time dealing with your mother, you may suspect that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, especially if your narcissistic mother shows some of the telltale signs.
In many cases, a narcissistic mother is an abusive mother. A narcissistic mother is also a toxic mother.
For this reason, you’ll want to know how to deal with a narcissistic mother without losing your mind. Keep reading, as we’ll give you some effective tips for dealing with a narcissistic mother’s behavior.
- Don’t let your narcissistic mother control you
Because you grew up under her care, you know how difficult it can be to deal with your own mother.
The influence of narcissistic mothers on their children can be extremely damaging, and you may be trained to do everything you can to please her so that the narcissistic abuse is minimized.
But this sends her the message that what she is doing is okay and that you will continue to put up with her abuse.
Of course, you love your mother and don’t want to upset her. But your well-being is important too.
This can be very difficult to do, but stand up to her and don’t let her get her way all the time. She may try to take her frustrations out on you, but stand your ground.
Calmly explain to her that attacking in anger is not constructive, because nothing will be accomplished.
- Acknowledge that your mother sees you as competition
Daughters of narcissistic mothers are often seen as competition. This is because you are seen as a younger, better version of her, which makes you a threat to her ego.
If you feel like she is constantly attacking you, it’s because she is trying to make herself feel better about her own flaws, such as signs of aging.
Related : Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?
In this case, you have something you will never get back: youth. As a result, she may feel bitter towards you and try to attack your physical appearance.
Because she is your mother, it can be very hurtful when these words come out of her mouth. But try to distance yourself whenever this happens and don’t take the insults personally.
Of course, this is easier said than done. But one of the best strategies for dealing with a narcissistic mother is to not let the things she says bother you.
This feeds her narcissism less and makes you feel more rational when you do.
- Don’t hope to change her behavior
You know what they say: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. This is especially true of narcissistic fathers.
One of the most important things about dealing with a narcissistic mother is to understand and accept the fact that she will likely never change.
Even if you see a glimmer of hope, this is usually the manipulative side of her outing; in time, she will return to her old self again.
By accepting this fact, you will be able to find some peace within yourself. Before, you may have felt torn and hurt because you hoped that you could help change your mother’s behavior for the better.
But as you may have realized, the change is up to her, not you. When you accept this, you will feel more at peace. You can then focus on what you can do to deal with her behavior, not how you can change it.
- Set Boundaries
In How to Deal with a Narcissistic Parent 101, you will always be told to set boundaries. These boundaries can be physical, emotional, or both.
If you live with a narcissistic mother, setting physical boundaries can be difficult, but it is still possible. Keep your room locked and enforce this rule, no matter how much she throws a tantrum about it.
Otherwise, if you don’t live with your parents and your mom likes to come over unannounced, set a specific day and/or time that she can come over.
If she shows up outside of these acceptable times, make it clear that you won’t accommodate her and will keep her waiting if she chooses to break these boundaries.
Be sure to stick to this for maximum effectiveness.
Emotionally, think about what is acceptable and comfortable for you to share.
Don’t let your narcissistic mom pressure you into sharing information that she wants to keep private. She needs to know that you are not an extension of her and that you have a right to privacy.
Don’t communicate
If things get really bad and your mom continues to cross boundaries, don’t be afraid to reach out. This is where you don’t return her calls, visits, or any other type of communication.
This may be impossible for children of narcissistic parents. After all, you feel a sense of duty and obligation to stay in touch with your parents because they sacrificed so much to raise you.
Additionally, she may throw tantrums and become extremely emotional, accusing you of abusing and neglecting your mother.
However, you should stick to your guns. If you have given her multiple chances and made it clear that you will cut off contact, you have every right to do so.
If your boundaries aren’t respected, this is clearly toxic behavior that you don’t need to be around.
It’s up to you how long you want to continue this behavior. Some children will choose to stay out of contact forever, while others will have a trial period.
If you decide to do the latter and your narcissistic mother reverts to her old behaviors, don’t be afraid to reconnect for the sake of your own sanity.
- Identify Your “Co-Narcissistic” Behaviors
Since your narcissistic mother raised you from birth to now, you’ve undoubtedly picked up some unhealthy “co-narcissistic” behaviors from her.
For example, you may have a lack of boundaries with her, an inability to express your feelings, and a fear of anger.
As you can imagine, all of these things can hurt your life and other relationships.
It might be a good idea to take a step back and see what types of thinking patterns and behaviors you’ve developed directly from your narcissistic mother’s influence.
Once you’ve identified these things, it’s best to move on to the next tip.
- Seek Therapy and Counseling
Dealing with a narcissistic mother can be overwhelming, especially if you don’t have any siblings and have to do it alone. Not only that, but you can also feel very alone in the world.
Related : The Narcissist Discard Phase: 3 Signs a Final Discard is Coming
It’s always a good idea to go to therapy or counseling. Even for people who don’t currently have mental health issues, talking to a professional is very helpful.
When you go to therapy, you’ll have a safe space to talk about your parenting issues. They can give you helpful tips on how to live with a narcissistic mother and how to address and fix your shared narcissistic behaviors.
If you need help dealing with a narcissistic mother, these professionals can also help you come up with ways to do so.
Not only do they know how to deal with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they also have a lot of experience with people in similar situations to you.
In addition, if you have mental health issues (such as anxiety or depression), a therapist can also help you find healthy ways to deal with them.
If they deem it necessary, they can also refer you to a psychiatrist so they can assess the situation and prescribe appropriate medication for you.
By getting the right medication, you may find it easier to deal with mental health issues while living with a narcissistic mother.
Learn How to Deal with a Narcissistic Mother
Knowing how to deal with a narcissistic mother can make dealing with her a little easier.
In many cases, you can still maintain a relationship with her. But if she is so toxic that it is destroying your quality of life, in this case, the narcissistic mother, then not having contact with her may be the best solution.
This can be difficult to deal with; your mother raised you from birth.
But the truth is, there is no excuse for the emotional turmoil your mother caused you. If you have no choice but to keep her in your life, at least you have some helpful tips for dealing with a narcissistic mother that you can use.
For more information on how to move away from a narcissistic mother, please check out our articles on recovering from narcissistic abuse now.
