Your mother may be different from others and display toxic traits. You have a narcissistic mother, and there are ways to deal with it and set healthy boundaries in your relationship.
From a personal standpoint, I never had a narcissistic mother. These qualities came from my father. However, I know many women who have narcissistic mothers. So, knowing how my father treated us and how my friends put up with their mother’s treatment, I think I’ve covered
But, some of you may have never experienced a narcissist, or you may not have known what that meant. I’m about to open your mind.
What is a narcissist?
Well, first of all, as I’ve always said, a little bit of narcissism lurks in all of us, some good and some bad. Narcissism falls along a spectrum between worshiping yourself and hating yourself. As normal human being, we are supposed to aim towards the middle or as close as we can get.
However, there is something called narcissistic disorder that puts us very close to the self-worshipping end of the spectrum. This is what most people simply call a “narcissist.”
Narcissistic personality disorder – a state of being where a person has an inflated idea of themselves, little or no empathy, a history of troubled relationships, and a constant need for attention.
That’s the definition, but to find ways to deal with your narcissistic mother is just scraping the bottom of the barrel. As most children of narcissistic mothers know, there are a few other toxic traits that differ.
How do you deal with a narcissistic mother?
Yes, you can deal with your narcissistic mother, and you can limit her influence in your life. Learning how to do this may not be easy at first, but it works.
The only way I could deal with my father, unfortunately, was to finally leave the house. This was only a last resort, and of course, I graduated and went to college which made it easier. But back to the topic at hand… let’s learn some ways to deal with toxic moms.
Ways to reduce the harm of a narcissistic mother:
- Learn about narcissistic personality disorder
Before you can deal with a narcissistic mother, you need to educate yourself on everything there is to know about the problem. You must understand all aspects of this personality disorder before you can treat the symptoms. And there are many symptoms of this as well.
So, before you rush in with an uneducated strategy, learn everything you need to know first.
- Accept your mother’s disapproval
Narcissistic mothers do not seem to approve of anything their children do. They rarely notice the accomplishments or appreciate the emerging beauty of their children as they grow up. This will cause the child to feel very rejected. Throughout adulthood, the child’s desire for approval will continue. This is one of the things that, as children of narcissists, we must stop.
The quickest way to accept that our parents may never approve of us is to realize that they can’t give us what they don’t have… which is empathy or warmth. Therefore, it is better to understand that the problem is the mother’s lack of ability, not the child’s lack. You have to learn that you are worthy and good enough.
- Go ahead and set boundaries, too
To deal with your narcissistic mother, you must set firm boundaries. These boundaries need to be firm because if they are not, your mom will pull them down and pull you back into her web.
Yes, it looks like a black widow spider, right? Well, you’ve probably seen it this way before, I bet. In any case, you should set limits on how long you are around her and how many days per week you communicate.
When she begins behaving in a narcissistic manner, you must leave her presence. This lets her know that you understand her motives and that you won’t give in. Setting boundaries will take time, but it can work in many cases.
- Fear must go
When you’re ready to confront your mom about her actions, you can’t be afraid. If you let fear take hold, it will turn the situation around and make you apologize when you did nothing wrong.
Narcissists feel fear and play on that fear to get exactly what they want. If you overcome your fears, you can make your case and stand firm. This will also require some practice, and sometimes professional advice.
- Learn about your mother’s past
I would meet mean or manipulative people and get angry and hate them. I didn’t think about the factors that led them to become this way. While there are some truly “evil” people, most people who are mean or manipulative have been damaged in the past or during childhood.
If your mother is a narcissist, you can help her by learning about her past. Find out about her parents, her friends, and even about any traumatic events that shaped her in nature. When you understand these things, you can actually remind her why you act the way you do.
Warning: If you choose to associate your mother’s past with her behavior, beware, she may be angry and defensive. I’ve seen people get angry, throw tantrums and run from the room. You have to be careful when you help someone remove skeletons from their wardrobe.
- If all else fails, end the relationship
Now, ending a relationship with a parent is a last resort. After all, they brought you into this world and raised and nurtured you, at least to some extent. Unfortunately, in the worst cases of narcissistic abuse, ending the relationship may be the only way to save your life or safety.
And sometimes, you may have to do this temporarily until you get the message. You may have to leave and come back several times. The important thing is to protect yourself from abuse.
Don’t let toxins catch you either
One more thing… when you’re dealing with your mom, don’t let those narcissistic toxins catch up with you. Sometimes behaviors are passed down from generation to generation. In fact, this happens quite often.
I sincerely hope that you find a way to deal with these issues and repair the relationship with your narcissistic mother. I left the house without a complete closure, but before my father died, I forgave him. Not only for him but for me as well. Although dealing with a narcissistic parent can be difficult, it can be treated.
