When there is a manipulator in your life, you need to learn how to deal with him and gain your freedom. It will take strength, endurance and love to make it happen.

I’ve told my story over and over again, speaking from angles of abuse, revenge, and even ways of finding peace. I have explained from different perspectives in hopes of reaching everyone who might need help with their own situations as well. Today, I just want to impart some simple knowledge on how to deal with a manipulator because, as you already know, this is a fragile but challenging job.

Who is the manipulator? Here’s what Urban Dictionary says:

“A well-calculated person and a refined liar. Manipulators are usually undetectable, and some may act not for personal gain but for a greater goal. Some do not put others at risk for gain, but it is common for them to do so. The personality of a true manipulator is not like the way others see it and which most often does not exist.

Well, fun. So, a manipulator can be classified into several personality types according to these criteria. In its dysfunctional form, a manipulator can be a narcissist, a toxic person, or even a mentally handicapped person.

A manipulator can also be easily diagnosed with any personality disorder. With this, you could be dealing with a manipulator and not even know it. Honestly, most people who are being manipulated don’t have a clue, but rather see themselves as the problem – the crazy problem.

Does this sound familiar?
Now that I have the basic definition, let me share some characteristics of a manipulator. The master manipulator has been known to lie, cheat, brag, throw tantrums, and bring out the silent treatment. Each of these tools is used depending on how you act or react to their demands or showboats.

If you are dealing with a narcissist, and decide to stop giving them so much attention, they may have sudden outbursts of anger, violence, or even abusive threats.

Sometimes, if you get up to say no, you’ll run into a manipulator who gives you the silent treatment, hoping you’ll come complaining about your “wrong answer,” your “misguided ideas,” or your “ignorance”…the sarcasm is there…

A manipulator is never wrong, you see, and you will quickly lose your identity or self-image and become, what you’ve always referred to as your “number one fan.” As long as you remain a fan, try to do everything perfectly, and never say never, you may be left with a halfway decent life built on such rigid ideals.

No one wants to live like this, face it, so here are ways to deal with the manipulator in your life and get your blessings instead.
I wake up
Before you can get anything else done, you have to wake up. This means that you should be able to see the truth and start rebuilding your self-esteem. One of the reasons a manipulator can do so much damage is because you don’t love yourself.

Now, I’m not saying it’s your fault, but what I’m saying is that you should get your life back. The manipulator will not give it away freely.

Being awake means, listening to the way the manipulator speaks, how he behaves, and your body’s response to his actions. Do they scare you? Do they make you think negative things about yourself? Does your loved one seem to care about your feelings, or does he get used to insulting you?

There are a lot of questions you can ask yourself, and these questions and analysis should be your top priority. Your first step is to see the truth and remove the veil from your eyes.

Promote yourself

After you awaken from your illusions, you can begin to grow stronger. There are many ways to build your self-esteem and other strong characteristics.

For example, if you don’t work, now is the time to become independent, just in case you need to be self-sufficient. Manipulators love the fact that someone is counting on them because this gives them more control. To end your dependence, you must strengthen all areas of your life.

You’ll also need to build a good support system for the times when you feel as though you are being used and broken. To ensure you have a strong support system through friends and loved ones, be sure to document and record the manipulator’s actions and words.

If they are violent, take pictures and if they are insulting you or calling you names, record it. This will help you show their true nature and gain a really strong support team.

Practice peace and positivity
No matter how severe the storm, refuse to lose your sense of well-being and peace. If you are spiritual, stick to prayer, meditation, or whatever relaxes you the most. Keep your brain active by reading and participating in activities you personally enjoy.

If you have advanced anonymity, you should experiment with hobbies and entertainment until you know what you like to do. This will take some time.

As you continue with the peaceful nature and positive responses, you will strengthen your mental health. This can also be more difficult if you suffer from a mental illness, but this is where your support system can help.

Try not to get into arguments or disagreements, but keep saying no when you feel you have to and refuse to back down. This can be done in peace, believe it or not. Use phrases like:

“I don’t agree with you. Are you saying it’s wrong to have a different opinion?”
“I will not argue with you.”
“I respect you, but I think differently about these things.”
Although these statements may not be fully understood or appreciated, still do your part in a peaceful manner.

never back down

Now, first of all, there are factors involved in how far you have to go in defending yourself. First of all, say no if you don’t agree. If they threaten to leave, don’t ask them to stay. All you have to do is say, “Okay.” If they call you insulting names, ignore them or just say, “Okay.” You don’t agree with them, you’re silently telling them you’re not going to play their game.

If they are doing something you don’t like, like abusing your pets, tell them to stop. If they threaten to leave, say, “Okay.” If they don’t stop the abuse, you have every right to contact the authorities. Animal violence is now a punishable offense, which means you can get arrested for such things.

If you pay the rent, ask them to leave. If they pay the rent, contact your support system and find a way to stay away from the violence.

If they are not violent, simply refuse to participate in any arguments and refuse to give them any further attention. They will eventually get the point and change or move to a higher level of manipulation, desperate to regain control. When you break down, you’ll get stronger…just wait there.