Although approximately 1% of the population is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, many believe the actual percentage is between 5% and 10%. I believe this to be true. If I’m right, then, according to the law of averages, most workplaces contain one or two narcissists.
If you can identify narcissists, you’ll be better able to protect yourself. You’ll be able to better understand their behaviors and manage them more effectively.
Here are some signs to help you spot narcissists in your workplace, along with tips on how to manage their behaviors…
Narcissists Talking About Themselves
Narcissists either don’t notice your busyness, or they don’t care. They go on with their long, boring monologue, when it’s clear you have more to do.
Maybe you didn’t ask them a question. They don’t care. They don’t consider your time, your attention span, or your interests. They just want to tell their story, complete with all the boring and unnecessary details.
Narcissists don’t pay attention to the hints as you make your way to the door. They just keep talking. I’ve seen a narcissist keep talking, even when I need to answer the phone. And they keep talking when I pick it up. Right up until the moment the phone rings in my ear!
Related : Why Narcissists Disappear Then Reappear
Either narcissists don’t understand subtle cues, or they can’t understand them. You need to be polite but direct. “I’m really sorry, but I have to finish these papers. I’ll talk to you later.”
Narcissists Take Criticism Personally
Narcissists take criticism personally, even if it’s delivered professionally and diplomatically.
Anything perceived as needing improvement erodes their self-esteem. They either explode with anger or simmer silently. And if they simmer silently, they may consider revenge.
Narcissists like to be seen as perfect. Anything less makes them incompatible. It’s a devastating blow to their illusions of superiority.
You need to be very gentle when suggesting improvements. Starting and ending with a compliment goes a long way. I know you’re really great at your job, but…
Narcissists Are Owners
Instead of “asking” someone to do something, narcissists have a way of “telling.” Especially when it’s to their subordinates. This is often done in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Narcissists don’t care about your feelings. They enjoy dictating what people should do and exerting power over them.
Try not to take what they say personally. It doesn’t reflect your personality. If they overreact, explain it calmly and rationally. Try not to get involved in an argument.
Delegate Their Work
Narcissists prefer to delegate their tasks to others. They’re often lazy, but they want to look good. They also like to control others. So, delegating comes naturally to them.
They may lie and say they’re busy, and ask for help. Or they may try to force you to help.
Either help them and do so willingly, or politely and firmly refuse. If you help them reluctantly, narcissists often see it as a sign of weakness. It also makes you feel bad.
Competitive
Narcissists are extremely competitive in the workplace. Everything is a competition for them.
This leads them to criticize the work standards of others, suggesting they are better than them. They put others down to elevate themselves. But you can use this to your advantage.
Related : How Narcissists Control People
If you need something done quickly or efficiently, find a way to convince the narcissist by using competition. “Let’s see if we can get it done faster than the other department.”
Narcissists Use Jarras
I’ve noticed that many narcissists use a lot of jargon. This is to make themselves appear more knowledgeable and important.
I remember one person who always used the word “contact” whenever he had the opportunity. He pronounced it a little louder: “I’ll call the manager later to find out.”
While it may be annoying, it’s harmless. Just roll your eyes (in your mind) and move on.
Final Thoughts
You’re bound to work with narcissists in your career. They can’t be excluded from your life. Once you identify them, you can protect yourself and find ways to get the most out of them.
You need to be more direct with narcissists and set firm boundaries. But at the same time, you need to be a little more lenient with them. You may need to ignore their sarcasm or boasting.
Narcissism is a form of social disability. I’m not making any excuses for them. But sometimes you have to let it go. The last thing you want is to be drawn into a long-term feud with a narcissist at work. It will make your life miserable.
Be kind and professional. And covertly ignore yourself when necessary. But set firm boundaries for important matters.
I don’t pretend they’re easy to deal with. They certainly aren’t. But you can help. Giving them a few compliments from time to time makes things easier. Just don’t expect any in return!
