In case you didn’t know: You’re actually smart.
You probably haven’t been told this much lately, especially if you’re somehow involved with a narcissist.
They make everything worse—including your self-esteem.
So if you were offered ways to prove how smart you are, by outdoing a narcissist—you’d take it, right?
Anything to empower you!
I totally agree.
So now you know why you’re here, what are you waiting for?
1 You Need to Be Aware
The word narcissist is being thrown around a lot these days, with frequent accusations from people who don’t really know the depth of devastation it can cause.
A narcissist is more than just someone who has a slightly inflated view of themselves, or likes to take too many selfies.
Related : 8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make
A narcissist is dangerous, and they’re always looking for ways to hurt you, inflict pain on you, and then enjoy your sadness as if it were a last hurrah before the fast.
Recognizing true narcissism and narcissistic abuse will give you the upper hand you’re looking for.
2 Staying One Step Ahead
The first step is to be aware of how much there is to learn!
The terms, behaviors, dynamics, how they make you feel, the familiar conflict they execute so well, the silence, the manipulation, the name-calling, the anger, the love-bombing—I’m only scratching the surface here.
If you want to stay one step ahead of the narcissist in order to outmaneuver them, you have to learn them well.
If you can get ahead, you can predict more of what you’re being blindly led into. You can begin to turn your helplessness into empowerment.
If you can do that, you can reclaim your life.
3 Complacency Leads to Deception
I believe that all victims feel complacent when they’re under the watchful, determined eye of a narcissist.
The belief that they’re simply letting things happen without much intervention is due to a desire to keep the peace, not because they necessarily want to be abused.
If you ignore it, it may stop. Things may change.
If you become too complacent, you will stop playing the game, and you will only wake up when you are completely isolated, unrecognizable, and a hollowed-out version of the optimistic person you once were.
The longer you let the narcissist roll the dice, the longer the game—and the deception—will last.
4 Dealing with the Dynamics
The word dynamics has come up a few times, but I want to tell you what I mean by it.
You’re the type of person that narcissists always use in some way. They call you up in their sweet, sick voice, and ask how you’re doing.
Related : NEVER Tell A Narcissist These Things During Divorce
They flirt with you.
After the seduction is over—they drop a bombshell. They take the information you’ve given them to people they know will cause drama.
They ask you for favors. They ignore you. They steal your ideas at work. They accuse you of stealing theirs.
So, I ask you now, if you really want to outsmart a narcissist, you need to understand what the dynamics are in your own circumstances.
Dealing with these is a surefire way to set yourself up to outsmart them.
5 Narcissist Weaknesses
Every narcissist has a long list of weaknesses.
For some, this might be a weakness for good food, or a good bottle of wine.
For others, this might be a weakness for listening to gossip, or being the one who tells you gossip.
For others, this might be a weakness for sports, fast cars, or the gym.
Whatever the narcissist loves, find a way to give it to them, especially if it benefits you.
It’s funny to watch any narcissist actually fall for the attention of an unknown person who is trying to seduce them. Many of them don’t even realize they are being seduced, they just love the attention.
Related : What Narcissists Really Mean When They Say ‘I Love You’
So – give them that attention.
Outsmart Them!
6 Know Your Strengths
Let’s try to think of this in a certain way:
In order to outsmart a narcissist, you must first know your strengths. You may be surprised here. Victims are often taught that they are weak and worthless.
The only reason narcissists try to turn this narrative onto you is because they want you to be.
But you are not that person.
Outsmarting a narcissist comes from refusing to be labeled as anything other than the brilliant person you are. You are more than capable of thinking outside the box and winning this battle.
Does it sometimes feel like it never ends?
Of course. They want to wear you down.
7 Let’s Talk Boundaries
After having their way for so long, narcissists need to know that your boundaries are stronger than ever.
It can come as a bit of a shock to them when they see you asserting your boundaries, being confident, and making it clear what you will and will not tolerate.
When no means no, and yes means yes, you may find the narcissist losing his mind when he can’t cross the line anymore.
Related : 8 Secret Thoughts Narcissists Have About Themselves
They will always try, and they may change the way they try, but you will learn and know better.
8 Getting Exhausted From the Same Old
This is what usually creates the victim’s desire to start outdoing the narcissist. During this time, they think of ways to:
Feel like they are no longer in control as they once were
Prevent the narcissist from trying to sabotage their plans
Prevent the narcissist from assuming they can just take and take
The same old doesn’t have to be the same new.
Covert superiority over others might look like this:
Not revealing your plans so the narcissist can’t sabotage them
Ignoring them
Not communicating with them
Not communicating with them
Being harsh with them – don’t give them any expression at all
9 Shine – Be You
Some of the best advice victims can follow when trying to outdo a narcissist is:
The best revenge is success.
Related : 8 Secret Thoughts Narcissists Have About Themselves
If you’re the type of person who has the biggest, brightest aura, and the narcissist is trying to extinguish that light – the best thing you can do is let it shine even brighter.
I know this isn’t easy when you don’t know enough about abuse, and narcissistic abuse, but the more you learn, the more you’ll understand.
So, follow your goals. Set them first. Want the best, and work towards it.
Don’t let anyone stop you from wanting what you’ve set your heart on. Follow the path you want to follow, not the path you’ve been pushed into.
The best part about this is that there are no downsides.
You can be yourself, find and be happy, and the narcissist will outdo you when they know their tactics are no longer working.
WhenYouStopCaringTheNarcissistTheyWill!
As long as you love me, this only works when the narcissist gets what they want from you. You have to comply, otherwise the dynamics will break down.
The moment – the moment you stop caring about the narcissist, you better hide.
Not only does their reaction create the worst emotional tornado in the world – this tornado is an F5 – and it’s headed straight for you.
Related : Why Do Narcissists Have Ears When They Never Listen?
So what emotions are being triggered, and what exactly do they mean?
Well, Alex, I’m glad you asked me
Narcissists Need …all for the wrong reasons.
Narcissists destroy you in order to get something for themselves. They take your world and tear it down with their own hands without a second thought.
The love you feel from them is fragmented and temporary, but it’s enough to keep you interested.
You remain loyal, loving, and optimistic.
Narcissists need that from you. If they don’t get it, the worthlessness that lurks in their empty souls will awaken.
So… what is it about your caring nature that they can’t live without?
YourCaringIsTheirSource
Every time you show them that you care, you provide a source for narcissists.
Supply is emotional nourishment for them. It’s what keeps them going, and it’s a sole purpose of maintaining some form of self-esteem.
The need for supply is the main driving force behind many of their toxic behaviors.
This means that you stop caring for yourself every time you put your life or priorities aside to make room for theirs.
And the narcissist?
They love it! They love knowing that you will give up anything and everything for them, and that’s the part where they abuse you!
Can you imagine the horror you would feel if you walked away?!
When Does It Stop?
The day you wake up and promise yourself that you will no longer care about the narcissist is the day your life will change dramatically.
This is when things get really serious.
Related : 10 Reasons Why Narcissists Accuse You Of Cheating (And Don’t Believe You)
You are choosing yourself once in your life. You are choosing to put your own needs first, and thus making huge improvements to your emotional and physical health.
What does it mean to apply all this energy and positivity to yourself?
It means that it cannot be diverted to narcissistic supply.
Instead of pleasing the narcissist, you are healing and enriching yourself.
What Comes Next
I don’t promise you warmth, kindness, happiness, and joy from the narcissist at first. In fact, I bet you won’t get an ounce.
If you think about it, why would you do that?!
You’ve hurt them badly and you’ve stopped caring about them – what do you think would make them happy?
What comes next are all the ways the narcissist wants you to feel. They know that when you stop caring, doing these things will trigger these feelings in you:
Related : Why Narcissists Give Your Replacement Everything They Denied You
Fear. They want you to be afraid of what they’re capable of. What they know about you. They make you afraid of leaving them because you’ve been programmed to believe that you can’t live without them.
Intimidation. Your lack of interest is a direct threat to them, and they know just how to respond a thousand times! They won’t appreciate you backing down, and they’ll try to scare you back into your old self.
You
The power it takes for a narcissist to deny their need for you is unparalleled! They will deny and refuse to acknowledge that your presence is what keeps them going, but…
Emptiness. You are worthless. They don’t care about your lack of interest, because you never meant anything to them in the first place. They don’t want to know you, and you often hear phrases like “You’re dead to me now.”
- Anger
Narcissists are like volcanoes – full of rage that stays dormant until they feel like unleashing it on you.
It can surprise and shock you. Once you see it, you’ll always expect it.
When you stop caring about them – you can witness their tantrums.
- Let Go
They’re officially done with you. They’re not interested in trying to seduce or impress you, not after what you’ve talked about and discovered.
You’re useless to them now that they’ve seen the real them. They can’t manipulate you.
Related ; 11 Reasons Why Narcissists Do ALL These Mean Things!
They can’t control what you do or who you see. You don’t need them. You don’t care anymore, so to them – you’re yesterday’s news.
- Revenge
The pot of revenge can be stirred here. Narcissists don’t like being ignored, and to punish you, they will come up with a plan to get back at you.
Think of revenge as:
Spreading lies about you
Turning people against you
Throwing your stuff away before you have a chance to claim it all
Finding someone else and confessing their true love to them
- The Vacuum
A narcissist never misses a chance to trick you. If it worked in the past, they probably think it could work again.
Think about the typical ways they trick you. This might be:
Showing up to your work to express their love for you
Stalking you down on social media or in person
Sending you constant texts or calls to try to talk to you
Promising to change and be the person you want to be
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This is all just a ploy to try to regain control and change the narrative that they are the bad guy.
One Life
I don’t want to sound like the most cowardly person on the planet, but you really only get one life.
If being with them is bad enough, withholding your care will ignite a whole new level of their evil.
As always, you are the one who suffers. You are the victim of everything you’ve said, and there’s no getting away from it.
When you give your all to someone who fails to appreciate, acknowledge, or love you in return, you give away your entire being.
Related : 8 Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Loving The Narcissist
Over time, this giving away will extend to every part of your life.
You want to fix them. You give too much. You try too hard to take care of the narcissist.
Not only will you push your own well-being aside, you’ll start to feel like you don’t deserve any kind of well-being.
You simply stop caring.
It might start small.
Skipping lunch.
Staying up late watching TV.
Saying you’re “fine” all the time, even when you’re not.
Ignoring warning signs, like pain, or feeling unwell.
And then it gets bigger.
