Dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law can be stressful and damaging to your marriage and mental health.
Dealing with any mother-in-law can be difficult, but a narcissistic mother-in-law can be downright destructive.
She will manipulate, deceive, bully, and take advantage of you. She will undermine you, and she will use every opportunity to make you look bad in your husband’s eyes. (Read all the signs of a narcissistic mother-in-law)
How to annoy your narcissistic mother-in-law? You’ll never beat your narcissistic mother-in-law at her own game, but you can minimize her influence on your life and make her angry at the same time.
10 Things That Will Annoy Your Narcissistic Mother-in-Law
1 Set Boundaries
Many narcissistic mothers-in-law are controlling and lack empathy. They only think about themselves and do what they want without regard for the feelings of those around them.
Setting clear boundaries is the best way to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law and prevent things from getting out of hand.
One of my patients once told me how her narcissistic mother-in-law moved out and replaced all of her living room furniture without her asking!
Granted, her original furniture looked a little tired, but my patient looked forward to shopping with her partner and making her own choices.
Related : How to Get a Narcissist to Leave You Alone?
The moral of the story is: if you give your narcissistic mother-in-law an inch, she’ll take a mile, so set clear and firm boundaries early on.
My patient’s first mistake was giving her a key to their house. This immediately gave her access and power, which she quickly exploited.
To prevent this from happening to you, tell your mother-in-law that she can’t make decisions that affect you without consulting you and your husband.
By all means, ask her for advice, but only when you feel it’s appropriate. That way, she’ll stay involved without being controlling, which will annoy her no end!
Tell her when she’s overstepping boundaries and be firm and consistent about how much you’re letting her into your life.
2 Don’t Let Her Manipulate You
Narcissists want everyone around them to feel as miserable as they do, so any positive energy you can bring to your relationship with your mother-in-law will protect you from this and cause her a great deal of discomfort.
Narcissists want to put people down to make themselves feel better, so if you stay strong and stay optimistic, you will prevent your mother-in-law from gaining the upper hand.
Instead of letting her influence your emotions and frustration, take control of your feelings and choose to be happy and positive.
When she sees that her efforts to manipulate you and make you feel bad are failing, she will become more upset, giving you the upper hand.
3 Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Wife
One of the quickest ways to annoy your narcissistic mother-in-law is to create an unbreakable bond with your partner and show that you are capable of providing the love and security that he or she did not receive from his or her mother.
As your relationship strengthens, your mother-in-law’s ability to influence and manipulate you and your wife will deteriorate.
The more you are on the same page, the less leverage she will have over either of you, leaving her grasping at straws.
Don’t forget that narcissists have very low self-esteem, so the more you diminish your mother-in-law’s power, the more upset she will become.
Even better, by succeeding in your relationship, you will expose her flaws and prove that she is not as great as she thinks she is.
You can read more about this and other tactics in my article “How to Anger a Narcissist in 12 Surprisingly Easy Ways.”
4 Don’t Reveal Too Much Information
The more your mother-in-law knows about your life and relationship, the more ammunition she has to undermine and criticize you.
Keep the details of your relationship to yourself, and she won’t have any arguments to rely on. The less she knows, the less leverage she has, making it easier for you to live your life the way you want to.
You have the right to privacy and to protect it. If your mother-in-law wants to know what your husband is saying about her behind her back, tell her that you don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss such matters without your husband present.
Instead, suggest having coffee together when your husband is also present, and tell her that it would be better if she got it out in the open.
That way, you can strategize with your partner before the time comes, make sure you’re on the same page, and leave her out in the cold. I promise—she’ll hate it!
5 Create an Escape Strategy
Eventually, your narcissistic mother-in-law will try to cause trouble by manipulating the situation to create the drama she craves.
Instead of fueling her fire, find a way to prevent such scenarios from getting out of hand by having an escape strategy that you and your spouse agree on.
Before seeing your mother-in-law, tell your husband how much bullying and manipulation you’re willing to put up with and agree on a signal that it’s time to leave or take a break. This can be as simple as squeezing her hand.
While I don’t advocate lying, telling your mother-in-law a little white lie to prevent the situation from escalating is essential to protecting yourself and your relationship.
Let’s say you need to walk the dog or you’re expecting an important call — do whatever it takes to get out before it gets too difficult.
When you withdraw from a situation in this way, you’re taking away the attention your narcissistic mother-in-law craves, which will only get on her nerves.
6 Learn to Say No
Narcissists can’t handle rejection of any kind, and saying no to their requests or suggestions can send them into narcissistic rage.
Related: The Narcissist Stare : How They Use Their Eyes to Manipulate You
Setting boundaries with your narcissistic mother-in-law is crucial, but you also need to learn how to say no.
Let’s say your mother-in-law wants you to help prepare a birthday lunch for your wife, but you’ve already made arrangements to go out that day.
Instead of giving in to her request and changing your plans, calmly tell her that while you appreciate her including you in her plans, you have already made alternative arrangements. If she becomes hostile or defensive, remain calm but firm. Be respectful and don’t argue or let her guilt you into changing your mind.
