Have you ever been in love with a narcissist? Then you must have experienced the emotional rollercoaster they can take on their partners.
Whether you’ve broken up with them or are considering it, today we’re going to take a look at their behavior with their exes and how they might treat you.
It won’t be easy to get them out of your way, and we’ll see that below.
Even research confirms that narcissists can leave you feeling empty and doubtful about your ability to love again.
But nothing is permanent, and once you know what you’re up against, it’s easier to overcome.
How Do Narcissists Treat Their Exes?
Narcissists treat their exes horribly. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are driven by their ego and don’t give in easily to their sources of interest (exes, in this case).
They have a hard time accepting that their partner is no longer an option, which is why they keep most of their exes as friends.
This circle is a trap because they want to extract your admiration, favoritism, and even keep you as a trophy regardless of the fact that you are no longer together.
Things Narcissists Do After a Breakup:
- They Try to Lure Your Ex Back into the Relationship (Using a Vacuum Cleaner)
Although narcissists are portrayed as evil, if you peel back the mask, you will see that they have deep issues and insecurities about their self-worth.
That is why they will want to be with you even if they do not love you.
You are someone they have won over, and it is easier for them to try to control you than to start over with someone new.
Since their main goal is to win your admiration and attention, they will try to get you back
into the relationship.
To achieve this goal, they will try all tactics, from giving you breadcrumbs of affection to showering you with unexpected love.
Then, they will back off, stay quiet, and wait for you to run crying into their arms. These are not signs of remorse, they are manipulation.
- They make their ex jealous by flirting with other people (triangulation)
Another common tactic they use to hurt their ex is triangulation. They start flirting with other people to make you jealous and feel inferior.
They have no intention of getting into another relationship with the other person, but they are using this as a tactic to hurt you because they hope you still have feelings for them.
Triangulation also involves a third person in another context. They may not be romantically involved with them, but they are using them to paint you in a bad light.
For example, if you are at the same workplace, they will sit close enough for you to overhear their conversation, and your ex will constantly play the victim and tell the third person how badly you treated them.
- They try to make their ex question their reality (emotional manipulation)
Emotional manipulation is one of the many strategies narcissists use to make you feel like you’re the one who’s lost.
Since they’ll never admit they’re wrong, you’ll become a scapegoat for them to blame for everything.
They can tell you things like, “I had to break up with you because you were draining my energy every day.”
They’ll blame you for everything that went wrong during your relationship, including situations that were beyond either of their control.
To really manipulate you, they’ll try to get mutual friends and family members to sympathize with their made-up version of the story, so you start to doubt the truth.
Talk to a close friend you trust, write in a journal about your feelings, and don’t fall for these dirty tricks.
They are emotionally manipulative and aren’t afraid to go to great lengths to convince you that you’re wrong about them.
- They suggest that you remain friends
If they introduce you to their circle of friends where at least one of their exes is present, you can see where this is headed.
Narcissists don’t like to completely break up with their exes because they want to get favors from them when they need them.
So, they may suggest that you remain friends.
While everyone has their own criteria for staying in touch with their exes after a breakup, it’s not advisable to do so.
Especially with a narcissistic ex. Their main purpose is emotional manipulation to exploit you and they will continue to do so if you let them.
- They may constantly harass and stalk their ex
A narcissist will never give up and accept that they are unwanted. No. They will try everything no matter how inhumane it may seem.
This includes harassing your ex publicly, stalking them online and in person.
Prepare yourself for the worst until their anger and determination subside.
They are relentless in their desire for revenge and are not afraid to break the law to pursue them. But the law is your best protector.
If they continue to stalk and harass you even after you have cut off all contact, consider filing a police report if you feel threatened.
Stalking and harassment are criminal offenses and you can get protection against them.
- They may blackmail their ex
Think back on the intimate moments you had with your narcissistic ex. Does he have intimate material that he can use to blackmail you?
If they do, this is one of the first things they will try to blackmail you with. It’s natural to be scared, but keep these things in mind:
Most of the time, they won’t do what they say. It’s just a tactic to get you to respond. So don’t take them seriously.
Laws against revenge porn protect those who fall victim to it. Therefore, they are the only ones at risk if they share intimate photos or videos without your permission.
The less you react to their blackmail attempts, the more they will stop trying to get your attention.
Remember that even if they act on their threats, you are not the one who should be embarrassed.
They are the ones who are doing something shameful by being toxic and unreasonable.
- They blame their ex for the breakup
This is definitely a no-brainer. No matter how badly they acted or behaved towards you, they will never accept their mistakes.
They will most likely blame you for things that went wrong in your relationship, including the breakup – to boost their self-esteem.
Most of the allegations will be false, so there is no room for worry or doubt.
You know the truth, so avoid arguing to prove your point. They won’t understand. Trying to convince them is a waste of energy.
What you should keep in mind is to be honest with your relatives and friends before they manipulate them with a fake version of the story to gain their sympathy.
- They spread lies and rumors about their ex
When you are dealing with someone who has dark personality traits, be prepared for anything.
He is ready to make up entire scenarios in his head just to save himself from criticism and gain the love and attention of others.
Now that you have decided to break up with him, he will do anything to hurt you.
Their narcissistic rage will make them feel angry and they will try to spread rumors and lie to everyone about your relationship and the reason behind your breakup.
“He/she cheated on me with a stranger but I still forgive him/her.” “He/she never cooked me a meal and I had to pay for food and clothes all the time.”
These are typical lies of a narcissist.
- They try to sabotage their future relationships
A narcissist can’t stand to see you happy, at least not without them.
If you find a way out of this toxic relationship and re-enter the dating world to find someone new, they will appear like a haunted ghost.
They may hide their actions under the guise of jealousy and love, but that’s far from the truth.
Jealousy isn’t the right word to describe their feelings.
They just want to keep you single so they can still convince you to change your mind about the relationship.
Tell your new/potential partner about your past relationships, and work together to keep your ex out of your relationship.
- They Still Flirt or Make Sexual Offers
When all their coercive attempts to lure you back into the relationship fail, they will try to return to romance and sexual favors in hopes of getting you to come back.
They will try to love bomb you—showing you intense love and affection to keep you in check.
Don’t be fooled. Here are some phrases you may start hearing or reading constantly:
“I’ve changed, trust me. I’m a different person now.”
“I’m going to go to therapy and I’ll be a better person for you. Promise!”
“I understand that this was all my fault. Give me another chance, and I’ll fix it.”
These are false promises. Narcissists rarely change. No matter what they say, they’ll revert to their old toxic patterns in a heartbeat.
They’re incapable of acting differently. So stick to your final decision, and don’t back down. You deserve better than this.
So, make sure you don’t keep your doors open for sexual intimacy with a toxic partner who has low self-esteem and plays mind games.
Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes?
After some time, even the most sensitive and empathetic people in the world forget about their exes. Not to mention narcissists.
Narcissists have little empathy for their lovers.
Even if they miss their exes, they don’t miss the person but the attention they received from them. If you indulge more than that, you will only feed their narcissistic supply and fragile ego and you will only expose yourself to narcissistic abuse.
When we talk about narcissists, we are talking about people who have been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
This is a mental health disorder. People who suffer from this condition are incapable of feeling normal empathy and compassion. They don’t miss you, they just want to maintain control over their exes, and this is part of their narcissistic traits.
So, don’t be surprised by their lack of interest.
How to Deal with a Narcissistic Ex After a Breakup?
No matter how badly your narcissistic ex treated you, it’s natural to initially miss them and feel lonely. We get used to certain patterns, and it takes time to let go.
But once you’ve overcome the feelings you had for them, remove them from your life completely. Here are some things to consider:
- Recognizing and acknowledging their narcissistic behavior
- Setting firm boundaries and limiting physical and virtual contact
- Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or trained professionals
- Prioritizing self-care and rebuilding your self-esteem
- Taking legal action to protect yourself from them
While the process is easier said than done, this is the right way to break free from a toxic relationship and save yourself from horrible things.
Don’t lie to yourself hoping they will change because they won’t.
Summary:
Life deals us different cards, and a narcissistic ex may be one of them.
As the saying goes “love is blind” so we don’t have much control over who we fall in love with but when we realize the hell we’ve dipped our toes in, it’s time to get out. A relationship with a narcissist is a hell of a lot.
Narcissists treat their exes badly. They seek revenge and narcissists love to maintain control over their exes.
However, you can regain peace of mind and stability in your life if you muster the courage to end the relationship and cut off all contact with them.
Sometimes this may mean taking legal action and going to therapy. It’s worth it to get your life back on track.
