In relationships, narcissists seek to exploit and abuse as much as possible. They aspire to take as much as they can, with as little as possible to give. So they test boundaries to see what they can get away with.

Narcissists typically start their relationships with gentle tests, before escalating over time. They even realize that it’s better to be gentle at first.

Narcissists have a variety of ways to test your boundaries. Here are some of the ways they test theirs…

Invasion Of Your Personal Space

Narcissists may test your physical boundaries by standing closer than norms dictate, or by touching you in increasingly intimate places.

Narcissists are testing how uncomfortable you feel doing this and, more importantly, what you’re willing to tolerate.

If a narcissist feels you’re allowing them to make advances despite your discomfort, they know your boundaries are negotiable. Therefore, you’re exploitable.

Subtle Boundary Violations

At the beginning of friendships and relationships, narcissists test their boundaries with small or subtle violations because they don’t want to alienate new people.

Related : The Hidden Costs Of Narcissists In Your Life

So they might interrupt you mid-sentence. They might borrow something small from you without asking. Or they might convince you to change your mind when you refuse.

These small boundary violations help them gauge what you’re willing to tolerate, which equates to what they can get away with.

Subtle boundary violations also condition you to relax your boundaries with them, giving them a good baseline to build on.

Increasingly Unreasonable Demands

Over time, narcissists increasingly ask for unreasonable favors. Things that are not normal in a normal relationship. Like helping them clean their house. Or constantly borrowing money.

This helps them determine the limits of what you’re willing to do, because they won’t stop increasing their demands until you put a stop to them.

Each unreasonable request sets a precedent for future requests because it establishes a foundation upon which they can build.

Personal Questions

Narcissists may test your boundaries by asking increasingly personal questions to determine the limits of what you will share and the type of pressure that will be applied.

They may reveal information about themselves to attract you. They may appear upset if you don’t share anything, or even extract information from you.

Narcissists hope to find the best tactic to open your profile, as this allows them to extract information they can use against you later. It also asserts their control over you.

Delay

Narcissists may test you by being late for an appointment, then acting as if nothing happened.

Not only are they exploiting your power by making you wait, but they are also testing your reaction. If you appear upset without confronting them, you are more likely to turn a blind eye to other matters.

Related : Narcissistic Abuse And Gut Issues

Narcissists are slow to tell you they control the relationship and to tell you they’re superior to you. So, in their view, if you accept their lateness, you’re also accepting their superiority.

Flirting In Front

If you’re in a romantic relationship, a narcissist may flirt subtly, right in front of you. Then test your reaction.

If you confront them, they’ll know they can make you jealous with their actions. But they may accuse you of being controlling and jealous, trying to control you and make you feel like you’ve made a mistake.

But if you turn a blind eye, that’s a green light to repeat it, because you’ve now accepted this behavior. Either way, you won’t win.

Rush With You

Some narcissists create a sense of urgency to rush you. They may rush you when eating, drinking, or even going to the bathroom.

Narcissists are testing whether this causes panic and makes you rush. Because if they do, they’ll have another tool to control you. Plus, if you respond to their impulse, they’ll cement themselves as the leader.

Narcissists instinctively know that it’s hard to think clearly and question things in a panic. They also control others by snapping their fingers and pushing them into action. So, if they can intimidate you, they’ll gain even more control.

Insults_Claimed_As_Jokes

Narcissists are notorious for using jokes to disguise their insults. This allows them to test your resilience while simultaneously providing plausible deniability.

Over time, narcissists increase the intensity and frequency of their insults to see what you’re willing to tolerate. Once you react, they’ll learn your boundaries.

Related ;: Narcissist Bread Crumbing

The beauty (for them) is that if you challenge their insult, they can back down and claim they were joking. Then they blame you for being “too sensitive.” This usually gets them out of the loop.

Once they know what insults trigger you, they have a weapon they can use to punish you, publicly humiliate you, or make you look reckless if you act in front of others.

Guilt / Playing the Victim

Covert narcissists may test your emotional resilience by inducing guilt and playing the victim, rather than using force.

They may invent a sob story when you set boundaries, or play the victim before making a “request,” knowing you’re more likely to comply if you feel sorry for them.

Narcissists hope their emotional manipulation will convince you to relax your boundaries. If they do, they’ll have another tool to violate your boundaries.

explode

A narcissist may test you with a tantrum over something you’ve said or done. Then they gauge your reaction.

If you resist, they know their tantrums will spark an argument between you and them. But if you calm them down, they’ve found their groove. They can lash out whenever they want your compliance.

say”Iloveyou”

Narcissists may tell you they love you after two weeks of knowing them. While this may seem like a fleeting romantic gesture, there’s a more sinister side.

Narcissists want to see how you react. Are you hugging them because you’re truly in love? Are you saying nothing? Or do you feel bad and respond in kind, even though you don’t really love them?

If you tell them you love them, it’s hard to back down. They can always say, “But I thought you loved me? What changed?”

But if you don’t say “I love you” back, they may act hurt and make you feel like the bad guy. This is known as a double bind.

Boundary_Reaction

If you set boundaries, the narcissist may test them by reacting in the following ways…

Anger

The narcissist may react with anger, seeing if you will give in to the pressure. They hope you will back down to appease them.

Annoyance

The narcissist may act with annoyance. They hope this touches your feelings, and you back down due to guilt.

Punishment

The narcissist may punish you in response to your boundaries. So you give in, or at least think twice about next time.

Once the narcissist knows the best approach, they repeat it.

Threatening_to_End_the_Relationship

The ultimate test of your boundaries is the threat of ending the relationship. If they do it right, it gives them almost complete control.

Related : How Narcissists Disguise Abuse

If you give in when the narcissist threatens to leave, they will have almost complete control over the relationship. This is because they know you care more about the relationship than they do. Therefore, they can threaten to leave anytime they want your compliance. And you’re likely to give in.

Conclusion

Narcissists constantly test their boundaries in most relationships, especially with people they consider inferior. This is because they need to reassure themselves of their control.

Narcissists are also a bottomless pit. The level of control they have now is never enough. They constantly test, pushing boundaries to gain a tactical advantage.

This means that narcissists never stop testing your boundaries. They are relentless because they are always competing for more. So, you’re unlikely to get a fair chance.