It’s common for narcissists to slander their ex-partners. Once you understand their mindset, it’s no surprise.

Narcissists know that when you’re free of their grip, you’ll speak up. You’ll reveal their true colors. Because they no longer control you, and you cover for them. And they don’t want that. Here’s why…

The primary motivation for most narcissistic behavior is “narcissistic resources.” These are attention, admiration, and special treatment. Narcissists need these resources to shore up their fragile self-esteem. When these resources run out, they collapse psychologically. They may even fall into a deep depression.

So, narcissists need people to keep them grounded. Most narcissists are smart enough to realize that they need to be liked to keep people around them and provide them with resources. This is why their public and private personas are often so far apart. Narcissists don’t want people to know their true colors, because no one will approach them and provide them with support. So they live in fear of the truth being exposed.

To cope, narcissists discredit their ex-partners to make them look like a nuisance. People then question their story if they reveal the truth about the narcissist. The narcissist’s reputation remains intact, allowing them to continue seeking support from others.

Related : How Narcissists Stop You Trusting Your Intuition

Narcissists are adept at manipulation and distortion. They have a huge advantage because this is the world they live in, giving them more practice and experience.

To balance things out, and to help you understand their tricks, here’s how narcissists discredit their ex-partners…

Discrediting Before The Relationship Ends

Some narcissists intervene early and discredit their partners before the relationship ends. This may be because they sense a breakup is imminent, or it may be part of a general insurance policy.

Some narcissists discredit their partners for whatever reason, because their relationships are always short-lived, so they know they need to be prepared.

Narcissists may confide in people about their alleged problems with their partners and how unstable they are. They feign concern, when in reality, they are sowing the seeds for it.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to fall for their false fears. Who is faking this? They must be crazy! And because the relationship is ongoing, there is no clear motive. So people assume the narcissist is telling the truth.

Reactive Abuse

Narcissists may also use reactive abuse to further discredit themselves. Here, they continually raise their partner’s suspicions about something they are sensitive about, but subtly, and in front of others.

Eventually, their partner explodes in anger at the narcissist… in front of witnesses. The narcissist raises his hands. It’s as if they exploded for no reason.

The narcissist pretends this explosion came suddenly. This encourages this perception, which seems crazy to onlookers.

The problem is, people don’t see the hundreds of times the narcissist has mocked their partner before they explode. They only see the sudden reaction. The narcissist uses this as “proof” that their partner is unstable and untrustworthy. It’s a really dirty trick when you think about it.

Join Quick

Even if the narcissist didn’t preempt the breakup, they likely preempted their partner by smearing them first.

When a narcissistic relationship ends, most people are busy making sense of it and healing from the psychological wounds the narcissist inflicted. So, they largely isolate themselves from others, perhaps confiding in a close friend or family member.

Related : How Female Narcissists Draw Men In

Narcissists, on the other hand, have nothing to heal from because they caused all the trouble. So, instead of using their time to heal, they rush to attack.

Narcissists use their megaphones and tell everyone their side of the story, indoctrinating their own version of the “truth.”

Narcissists may deliberately reach out to people, or simply stumble upon them “by chance,” simply to smear your reputation. Most adults, however, don’t think about the publicity stunt; they simply want to recover and move on with their lives.

This gives the narcissist an advantage, as they are ready and able to spread their message long before their ex-partner. They plant the seeds of hatred in their minds. Unfortunately, many are fooled. Like it or not, many are easily influenced.

Flying Monkeys

Narcissists often have a team of Flying Monkeys who stand by them no matter what. They are ready to do their bidding.

These cheerleaders help the narcissist spread the word by spreading the word widely. Because the narcissist’s words are spoken through others, everyone seems to agree, which creates a powerful argument against their ex-partner.

The_Charm_of_the_Outside_World

In public life, narcissists are quick to charm those around them, such as their neighbors or the employees at the local store. They create the impression that butter won’t melt in their mouths.

Narcissists often go out of their way to help those around them, but they don’t lift a finger to help their loved ones. But the outside world doesn’t know this.

So they assume the narcissist is the perfect partner. If they treat people they barely know well, they must be a good person at home.

Narcissists often choose partners who are quieter and less social than themselves. They also discourage them from talking to others, using tactics such as feigned jealousy or accusing them of cheating. All of this is done to prevent them from talking to others.

Related : How Narcissists Benefit From “The Ikea Effect”

This creates a sense of familiarity between people and the narcissist. Because they act kindly, they gain greater trust. Therefore, when conflicting stories about the narcissist’s behavior arise, they are more likely to believe their claims.

Conclusion

Narcissists deliberately smear their partners at the end of relationships, while their partners typically don’t play these games.

This gives the narcissist the impression that they must be right. Even if they’re wrong, most people conclude it’s fair. This gives the narcissist a fighting chance.

Their defamatory claims allow them to escape abusive relationships while preserving their reputation, enabling them to repeat the process, doing the same thing over and over again.

So, be careful if you take sides during someone’s breakup, especially if they’re eager to tell everyone how bad their previous relationship was. You never know what went on behind closed doors. And if you get it wrong, you could be opening up even more abuse to more people.