Narcissists believe they are the guardians of truth and falsehood, and they have the right to punish as they see fit.

Narcissists can get triggered by seemingly trivial matters. So you may not know why they’re punishing you, or even that they’re punishing you at all.

Narcissists have many methods of punishment. However, they don’t always reveal why they’re treating you this way. So you may not know what’s going on. Because in your mind, you’ve done nothing wrong, and there’s no room for discussion. Just toxic behavior.

This may leave you scratching your head, wondering what’s going on. Why do narcissists act so strangely? Once you understand how narcissists punish, it will reveal what’s going on, and why they suddenly behave so differently.

Here’s a list of the most common forms of punishment used by narcissists…

Discredit Your Reputation

To punish someone, a narcissist may discredit them. This is intended to damage their reputation. This even applies to their current partner.

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A narcissist may reveal private things they’ve said, or lie and exaggerate, to make what they’ve said or done seem worse. They then spread this message to anyone who will listen.

Narcissists lack consistency. So when they feel wronged, they see the person as “very bad,” instead of viewing them from the perspective that, despite being wronged, they still care about them.

So, someone may go from the “love of their life” to their mortal enemy in the blink of an eye, simply because something wronged them. Then they may “love” them back if they do something good.

This is naturally confusing for the narcissist’s friends and family. One moment, the narcissist encourages them to hate someone, and the next, they expect everyone to welcome them with open arms.

Money Blocking

If the narcissist is in control of their wallet, they may withhold money as punishment. Especially if you are financially dependent on them.

Narcissists often convince their partners to give up work, portraying it as support. But that’s not why they do it.

In reality, they want their partners to stop working so they can exert more control over them. It’s another form of punishment. The narcissist knows that withholding money can be devastating when you’re dependent on someone.

Disappearance

To punish a partner, the narcissist may disappear for hours, even days, without any explanation of where they’re going, what they’re doing, or when they’ll be back.

The narcissist knows this fuels your imagination. You don’t know where they are or what they’re doing. Yet, at the same time, they can party, cheat, or do whatever they want. So, their disappearance hurts you, but it also rewards them.

The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is perhaps a harsher form of punishment than it seems. Often, you don’t know what you’ve “done wrong.” Therefore, you can’t come to a resolution because they won’t talk.

Partners of narcissists are often completely unaware of why they are being punished. From their perspective, the narcissist suddenly decides to ignore them, for no reason, or gives them short-hand answers. This can last for days, even weeks.

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Narcissists often use the silent treatment as retaliation for boundaries imposed on them. Although they feel wronged, deep down they know they are being unreasonable. Rational discussion will reveal this. The silent treatment will not.

So, narcissists use ignoring to punish their partners and force them to comply, without having to openly discuss the unfair demands they are making.

Sarcastic_Comments

Narcissists may drop subtle hints about how you are wronging them, but often in a vague, difficult-to-understand way.

Narcissists justify this by saying that you should know what’s wrong because you should always be focused on them. So, if you don’t know, you shouldn’t care. This gives them the right to mistreat you even more.

This ambiguity works in a similar way to ignoring, as it allows them to set unfair rules without being subjected to rational discussion.

Create_A_Fair_Atmosphere

Narcissists may create an atmosphere that can be cut with a knife, punishing everyone for your “transgressions.”

They may display a blatantly bad mood for hours, even days. They hope to punish you even more by punishing others. In their view, you are responsible for taking out their anger on everyone. So, they all have to blame you.

Anger

If you’re overly anxious, a narcissist may resort to anger to punish you, because they know how much it affects you.

A narcissist may yell, throw things, or even become physically violent. However, their usual tactic is to make people fear violence, rather than actually using it.

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Narcissists know you avoid confrontation, while they enjoy fighting. So, for them, anger is an easy punishment, because they aren’t affected by it, but they know you are.

Mockery

Another tactic narcissists use to punish is mockery, especially if they know you’re sensitive to it.

Narcissists often mock you in public for maximum effect, because they know the more humiliating it is, the more witnesses there are.

They may recount stories from your past where you made a fool of yourself, or they may mock something they know you’re sensitive to.

Narcissists often taunt you when they don’t get what they want, to force you to comply. After some bad experiences, you learn to expect humiliating consequences for not doing what is asked of you.

Withdraw_Love_and_Affection

Sometimes narcissists withdraw love and affection if they want to punish you. Usually, without any explanation.

So, you may go through periods when the narcissist is cold, avoiding any attempts at affection. However, you may not know why.

Some narcissists avoid intimacy with their primary partners. They don’t want to fall in love with them and are vulnerable. So, they may use a minor transgression as an excuse to withhold love and affection.

Final_Thoughts

Narcissists may use one or more of these methods of punishment. But they may not discuss what’s bothering them, or even punish them at all.

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Narcissists feel hurt by things we take for granted. For example, they may feel offended because you gave your friend a drink before you gave it to them.

Deep down, narcissists probably know they’re being unreasonable. That’s why they don’t discuss their concerns.

Instead, they punish you with punishments and leave you to figure it out. If you don’t, they may punish you even more. Because you’re supposed to read their minds and follow their unspoken, one-sided rules. Because, in the end, it’s all about them.