In the world of psychology, few personalities and personalities command attention and ignite curiosity like the narcissist. Characterized by an insatiable need for validation and admiration and a lack of empathy, narcissists operate without conscience or consideration for others.
This article aims to highlight the mysterious nature of narcissism, exploring what it means to be a narcissist, and how they cunningly manipulate those around them without an ounce of remorse.
Narcissistic traits and behaviors
Let’s review what we know about the traits and manipulative styles of narcissists.
#And some of the characteristics that we know about them are:
Superficial magic
Great sense of self
Need for stimulation (tendency to boredom)
Pathological lying
Cunning and manipulation
Not feeling remorse or guilt
Lack of empathy
Weak behavioral controls
Illegal sexual behavior
Lack of realistic long-term goals
irresponsible
They do not take responsibility for their actions
In general, these are the traits we know to be narcissistic, but guess what? This list is actually from a psychopathy checklist. There is a fine line between narcissism and psychopathy, and the main similarity between the two is the lack of remorse or guilt.
Old Freudian beliefs initially held that narcissists were filled with crippling self-loathing, low self-esteem, and shame. We are now beginning to understand that this is not true because narcissists believe that they are superior to others and that their wants and needs should always come first.
How can someone feel great about themselves and at the same time suffer from low self-esteem? It is very difficult for these two things to coexist.
Understanding the brain distortions of a narcissistic person
While it is important to note that not all individuals with high self-confidence are narcissists, this condition can be recognized when the traits noted above become pathological, leading to pervasive patterns of dysfunctional behavior.
Through various brain scans, narcissistic individuals show brain abnormalities similar to those found in psychopaths. The areas of the brain responsible for empathy have reduced gray matter in certain areas, including the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in decision-making, impulse control, and social behavior.
In addition, both narcissists and psychopaths have been found to have abnormalities in the amygdala, which is involved in processing emotions, especially fear and anxiety. In both groups, the amygdala was found to be less responsive to emotional stimuli, indicating a reduced capacity for empathy and emotional processing.
For this reason, the narcissist is known to criticize and even ignore the feelings of others, including his or her family or children.
Narcissists cannot feel sorry for anyone; Their brains won’t allow them to feel such things.
Relationships and emotional well-being
Now let’s talk about getting into a relationship with a narcissist. This is very difficult to pinpoint because they use a variety of manipulation tactics to exert control over their victims without being obvious.
The first thing they do is imprint you on this completely inaccurate view. You might go out on great dates, vacations, or intimate dinners. You may have a lot of fun and spend all your time together, and they may also share all your likes and dislikes, making you feel like you have a lot in common.
But this is just part of their tactic to gauge whether you will be a good source of supplies for them.
Narcissists use many of the same psychological techniques that cult leaders use. Therefore, it is no coincidence that when you first meet them, they are adorable, charming, and lovable. But later, things change and head towards a dark spiral.
It’s not because you did something wrong that they don’t love you anymore, but from the beginning, the narcissist has a pathological agenda to make you feel that way.
Some of the most common narcissistic tactics include:
Gaslighting: Manipulating the perception of reality, distorting facts, and making its victims question their sanity. They deny events, distort the truth, and even rewrite history to fit their narrative, leaving the victim feeling confused, helpless, and doubting their memory.
Emotional manipulation: exploiting the sympathy of others, playing on people’s emotions to get what they want. They use guilt, pity, and empathy to manipulate and control their victims, often making them feel responsible for the narcissist’s well-being and happiness.
Love bombing: In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists shower their victims with excessive praise, affection, and attention. This tactic, known as love bombing, is designed to quickly create an emotional connection, making it easier for the narcissist to exploit and manipulate their partner later.
Triangulation: Narcissists often create and exploit rivalries between people in their lives. By pitting others against each other, they gain power and control while diverting attention away from their own shortcomings or manipulative behavior.
Devalued and Discarded: Once a victim becomes unhelpful or fails to meet the narcissist’s ever-increasing demands, they are devalued and discarded without remorse. The narcissist may quickly move on to a new target, leaving the former victim feeling emotionally devastated and abandoned.
These events usually occur when narcissistic individuals take on a romantic partner. When a narcissist decides to have a spouse, it is generally better for him to integrate into society better. “Oh, look, I’m in this committed relationship, married, with kids.” It helps them appear as normal citizens in society, but their partners usually serve as emotional punching bags.
Relationships help them out in the world and fool everyone into thinking they are charming and successful. This is because they come home every day and take everything on their partners. If this is you, your narcissistic partner will likely come home to you to vent all their anger, frustrations, and toxicity.
Determine who you are in a relationship with
If you pay attention, you can tell exactly what type of person you are dealing with. This is why it is important not to listen to what comes out of their mouths, because narcissists, like psychopaths, are extremely charming and persuasive. As you experience ongoing trauma in this type of relationship, you develop Stockholm Syndrome.
You start by empathizing with your narcissistic partner. They either stop abusing them or say what you want to hear, and then you start to feel joy and stop caring about their abuse, thinking that it is a normal part of the relationship. You begin to normalize and even tolerate abusive behaviors because it’s a defense mechanism for someone, but you also don’t want to accept that the person you’re dealing with is as evil as they seem.
A psychopathic narcissist will likely give you the silent treatment, cheat on you, constantly break his promises, blame you for everything, and isolate you from your family, friends, or any kind of support system. You can also see this pattern where they coincide with a major event where you need their support, such as the loss of a family member, the loss of a pet, the diagnosis of a serious medical condition, or even a cancer diagnosis, and instead of offering support, soon after they make an argument and leave you.
Another thing that most people don’t realize is that when you invite a new partner to live with you or vice versa, they are trying to drive a wedge between you and your children. They tell you how you should deal with them and what consequences they deserve for their actions.
They show you their lack of remorse by continuing to do hurtful things, continuing verbal or even physical abuse, infidelity, and other things because they truly believe they have the right to do all of these things.
To them, you are not their partner, and you are not their spouse. They don’t care about making the relationship work. Even when they try to get you back into the relationship after a fight, their intention is not for you to love you, it’s just to flatter you.
Here’s the truth: They could be cheating and still living the same life. The only difference is that they may come home and sleep in the same bed with you, and eat the same meals with you, but they are out doing what they want because they feel entitled to do those things.
Unfortunately, your role in a narcissist’s life is to be their support, and you play the role of their “fiancé” or “husband” to make them seem normal. However, when they cheat on you, they may tell the other person that you are getting divorced, or that you are not having sex, or that you do not like each other, or other things to manipulate the other person as well.
How to escape narcissistic manipulation
Narcissists are chameleons because they do not have emotional attachments due to brain abnormalities and personality disorders.
Maybe we don’t even want to call it a personality disorder because that’s who they are. We’re not saying that empaths have a personality disorder, even when their lives are sometimes affected because they don’t set boundaries, don’t say no, and don’t walk away from toxic relationships. It is not a personality disorder, even when it affects their lives negatively.
So, in this case, we need to move away from this insistence and this critical need to label someone as a narcissist and comply with what they are offering you.
The way to break free from this is to leave the relationship.
It’s not easy. I did it myself, sharing custody of my youngest son with my narcissistic ex. I know exactly what that means to you, and it’s not as easy as just leaving.
If you are tired of living this life, the first thing you need to do is accept that these are not ordinary relationship problems. Realize that you are dealing with someone much darker than you are willing to admit. You also want to keep in mind the fact that all of these things are an umbrella for what we call narcissistic abuse syndrome.
Imagine what your life could be like without this abusive person in your life. Instead of staying complacent, work on your happiness, and if you see a better life without your abuser, that’s a sign for you to leave that relationship.
Begin the healing stages after narcissistic abuse
One of my greatest passions is helping people who were previously victims become empowered. If you’re ready for this amazing upswing, the best thing you can do is join the Break Free community.
